Jack Monroe #317 Poverty Contrepreneur

[Mr Krabs]

May well be wrong, but cockney urchins don’t put ‘The’ in front of ordinary road names. We only use it for The Kings Road, and The Old Kent Road. Randomly The-ing roads in Islington is so posh. Signed, a cockney.

IDK what all this Caledonian Road tit is either. It’s the Cally. Bloody mockneys.

And yeah, as other posters have said you aren’t going to get a dress from a charity shop in London for a couple of quid. I’ve seen used designer gear that’s still priced at a couple of hundred. Charity shops are much more savvy nowadays.

 

[Smeghead]

She lives her life as if every moment has to be a cover story for Take A Break magazine.

My toothache was so bad I pulled my own teeth out with pliers
I fell underneath a train but lived to tell the tale
I sold my lightbulbs to pay for my lip filler

 

[GrannyOgg]

For a very boring person she's got lots of interesting sounding stories, doesn't she?

She runs her Twitter feed like a reality tv show. The thrills, the heartbreak, the rows, the villains. It’s all to keep the squids interested and engaged.
if you leave morality to the side, it’s a masterclass in how to manipulate SM.

 

[LavaFlake]

She lives her life as if every moment has to be a cover story for Take A Break magazine.

IMPRISONED in my own dress. How I escaped its mendacious clutches.

Tbf I've got stuck in dresses in fitting rooms and nothing strikes the fear of God into you more.

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

Just pop your pleather leggings on again, pal. They'll be champion!

 

[Captainmouse]

I reckon she tried to get her arse into the Westwood. Couldn't hence the drama. Its also really bizarre that she has so many clothes and is suggesting she has nothing to wear to an awards do.

Surely if you knew nothing fancy fitted you you would buy something else to wear.

What about the diva suit?
@Shimmering beat me to it

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

I hope she puts her pov grey jumper with not Tiffany earrings on, with pleather leggings and brown Dr Martens and the pig skin hat

 

[Veronicaaa]

I wouldn't be surprised if that wasn't a real Viv, it's really hideous and cheap looking. She probably got done and bought an expensive knock-off.

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

@People-huv-tae-know can u put Jack into Kim Kardashian’s Marilyn Monroe dress. It’s the only thing that will do! They both have Mediterranean arsed!

 

[trueblue222]

Could have been Oxfam IF she got it on the King's Road

 

[Thank(space)you]

Welcome to thread 317 of our favourite poverty contrepreneur, Jack Monroe!

Thread title from Frau @Hunsgraveyard and nominated by mithering ninny @Boyo.

I could do a thread recap but I SHAN'T because I am so very TIRED. Send sleepos.

Wiki is the pink button at the top for any new lurkers.

Carry on mithering

Jack Monroe #316 Bizarrely, Jack seems to have misread the research

🎵 Harold in a coma, I know I know, it's serious Harold in a coma, I know I know it's really serious🎵

tattle.life

Previous thread link


Recap of last thread:

Jack got called out by the torygraph as well as a few ONS people because the ONS report has shown inflation on low cost food items has gone up by 6%, not 344% quelle surprise. I think it was Chris (?)who claimed King squig with his scathing remarks "she's wrong but seems happy " (paraphrasing)

Jack also did her final minor book edits including adding an entire methodology section to a recipe. She's including 54 unwanted recipes into the latest slop manual. Thankfully for nobody she managed to submit the final copy for the hard deadline.

Jack spent a lot of time on twitter

 

[MancBee]

She's cutting it fine if she's only just cut herself out of a dress! Toot Toot, the train and tube waits for no one, Jack!

Why didn't she wear that suit she bought after the DIVA shoot? That was baggy enough to cope with a few stones additional weight. It looked tit, but let's be honest, so do all her clothes.

ETA @Shimmering and @Captainmouse got there first

 

[Mr Krabs]

She lives her life as if every moment has to be a cover story for Take A Break magazine.

Many threads ago I wrote some potential stories that Jack could pitch to Take a Break. Re-reading them has made me realise I’ve forgotten many of these chaoses.

Spoiler: Take a Jack

Gun Horror: Walk on the Beach Turned to Deadly Siege
She Left! Ex Stole My Tins and Then My Heart
So Poor I Was Forced to Rinse Beans
Double Trouble: Sofa Company Delivered My Sofa… and then Another One Showed Up!
Forced Out of Job Because of Trouser Allergy
I Walked with a Cane and Now I Run Marathons!

 

[NomDeGuerre]

IMPRISONED in my own dress. How I escaped its mendacious clutches.

Tbf I've got stuck in dresses in fitting rooms and nothing strikes the fear of God into you more.

"It was the night of my dreams... until I took a KNIFE to my dress"

"OH said: "It's me or the rinsed beans". Now I'm marrying a tin of Cannellini!"

"The staircase in my bungalow is trying to KILL me"

 

[Thank(space)you]

Spoiler: Arseholes

The cabal have ruined pork sausages for me, I cooked some Cumberland sausages for dinner & I couldn't eat them, I kept thinking of assholes and bollocks and it put me off this coming from someone who's licked actual asshole so hardly has a discerning pallet

 

[colouredlines]

Many threads ago I wrote some potential stories that Jack could pitch to Take a Break. Re-reading them has made me realise I’ve forgotten many of these chaoses.

Spoiler: Take a Jack

Gun Horror: Walk on the Beach Turned to Deadly Siege
She Left! Ex Stole My Tins and Then My Heart
So Poor I Was Forced to Rinse Beans
Double Trouble: Sofa Company Delivered My Sofa… and then Another One Showed Up!
Forced Out of Job Because of Trouser Allergy
I Walked with a Cane and Now I Run Marathons!

Saved By My Own ARSE: "I'll Never Diet Again!"

 

[NomDeGuerre]

DELETE - My spoiler went wrong!

 

[SweetTransvestite]

Just pop your pleather leggings on again, pal. They'll be champion! View attachment 1311019

Quick buff over the crotch area with a Dettol wet wipe and jobs a good 'un

 

[Thank(space)you]

DELETE - My spoiler went wrong!

Ooh I'm so intrigued

On topic, I hope OH is okay in hospital!

 

[Smeghead]

Spoiler: Arseholes

The cabal have ruined pork sausages for me, I cooked some Cumberland sausages for dinner & I couldn't eat them, I kept thinking of assholes and bollocks and it put me off this coming from someone who's licked actual asshole so hardly has a discerning pallet

Take a Break, reader question of the week. “Am I turning vegan? I’ll lick actual assholes, but won’t eat another sausage.”