Jack Monroe #312 She just throws adjectives at a page and hopes for the best

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I think funeral planning is relatively normal (and sensible!) - I once found a document that my mum had saved with notes of hymns and readings she wants at hers. I didn't find a document of salacious tweets to be released after her death, though. What a shame.
 
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And now I am deceased.
Have you selected your funeral song? Maybe ‘I’m Too sexy’? ‘World’s Greatest’? The lesser known Queen song ‘I’m the Best Friend’.

Remember and hit someone up to slowly, gently release all your randy tweets…
 
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Dear heartVonVon, the Scottish Jack. In fairness she got off social media, ending her awful kitten business and also safeguarding her children.
Irn Bru Vonny is up there with Lorraine’s growler and Danielle Lloyd Pringles, and Mr Tumble car exhaust for rudest things on this whole site for me
 
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My dad, an atheist who didn't get his kids baptised, wants a church funeral purely so I can do this. Still not sure how serious he is

The only times I've imagined my own funeral is when I've been suicidal, think I'm a bit too young and broke to need to actually write a will/plan a funeral yet
 
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I was actually convinced Jack was RSM when Jack went on a rant saying “this is my story” when in fact it actually wasn’t. I thought she had logged into wrong acccount. I know she isn’t RSM but I like to amuse myself with it.

Bucket list news:

 
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She’s always falling down the stairs. Maybe she should live in a bungalow.

thought she was
A) skint
B) tied in to another year at Casa Shithole
 
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So she CAN afford a forever home??? I can’t. I literally cannot deal!!! Agghhhh
 
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Locked into rental contract for another year by Evil Landlady, no chance of getting a mortgage, no savings and £19 in the bank account but having a dream house "fall through" is it?

How are even her most ardent fans not waking up to the bullshit yet?
 
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A home she's in love with has "fallen through"? She's looking at places to buy? Putting in offers? But she only has £19 in her bank account. I don't understand.
 
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Also surely that thread is just proof she's successful off the back of the poors
Yup, the more people struggle, the more work Jack gets. That's a clear fact

Chuffed to get thread title, though I will selflessly donate my angel dentist prize to Jack, as my teeth are not manky and falling out my head
 
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Phenomenally fell down the stairs? Phenomenally? She’s doing this shit on purpose now isn’t she.
 
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Can someone locate the moment because I missed it! She has been tweeting relentlessly for about 48 hours!
The promise of mucho cashos makes everything better!
 
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A home she's in love with has "fallen through"? She's looking at places to buy? Putting in offers? But she only has £19 in her bank account. I don't understand.
Could be just a rental. I know a few people at the mo who have been trying to find somewhere to rent, it all looking good, then falling through at the last minute. Often because they've opted for a couple over a single person. Seems to be a lot of people looking for places and struggling to secure something that isn't horrid
 
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Joint mortgage application with refreshingly ordinary Harold but he LEFT

PS I will never tire of I'M BUSY and (S)HE LEFT
 
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LJC, she's a snake (liarsnake!) These new gigs have obviously been in the house-deposit zone haven't they?? Grr.
 
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Lol having a viewing/offer agreed is SO early in the process that it’s barely worth mentioning? It didn’t fall through, it just never happened.

Can’t help but wonder if the reason the agents aren’t letting her view is because she’s not a qualified buyer eg mortgage agreed or cash balance proven.
 
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