Jack Monroe #300 Fauxcialist

[Geetbo]

The vienetta hats have me hooting this morning.

I wonder how much SB wishes she’d just get him a vienetta from Iceland instead of an anchovy and prune cake.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Ya nuzzled ma bruvver ya dirty cah!


Special mention to inexplicable egg in this gif

 

[Jelly Bean]

What a nice thing to say publicly about your OH’s family

And quite unkind about her own Implying her family doesn't get on.
And that menu looks quite basic? Why is she in such a flap about it.

Spoiler: Me rail unrelated irrelevant anecdote

I felt like a prize ninny today. Needed painkillers so went to Morrisons pharmacy. Stood in queue, ordered painkillers, but they only take card payment and mine was in the car. So said I'd go and get it and come back later. Anyway after dawdling got card and went back. Much larger queue as I joined the back. After about 10 minutes of nothing happening and people getting hot and cross, one lady saying she had to go and sit down somewhere, I heard the pharmacist say to his assistant 'well she said she had to go to the car for her card but would be back soon'. He hadn't voided it but was waiting for me . I was mortified. I apologised to the queue in a very fake cheery manner and was met with stoney angry stares. I didn't blame them tbh - I'd be the same.

 

[FlirtyThirty]

Jack hadn’t stolen all the Viennetta’s in Southend, my husband found one! TOOT TOOT

View attachment 1250424

*Photo just taken in my hallway with wrapping paper background as I had no wallpaper samples a la Jack

I have triangulated that wrapping paper as being from WAITROSE you FAUXCIALIST. We have some too

 

[BubbleDuck]

So all bbc food shows are the same and designed to prevent food from being accessible to people without culinary training, classical or otherwise? Hmm makes sense.

That’s why bbc has ready steady cook, can’t cook, won’t cook , home cook family showdown , Saturday kitchen , masterchef and for a while, The great British bake
Off . All those trained chefs pretending to be amateur chefs, just to keep their elite cheffy secrets like grinding sugar makes it’s smaller and that the bigger sugar and the smaller sugar have different names

 

[colouredlines]

I never usually comment on appearances, but what the hell has happened to his face?!

The first time I saw one of those tubes I assumed it was a knock-off brand. When I realised it was actually Pringles I was horrified. Horrified.

Most shocking transformation since Jack started using portrait mode.

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

Happy 300th, frauen and herren!

I am astonishingly hungover after going out with my ragbag friends last night because I'm old so I've been lying on the sofa in my study wailing quietly like Victorian invalid and watching the rugby. All you hilarious ninnies have been really raising my spirits from my self-inflicted misery. Thank God for you all, wonderful canal.

I am oscilating between craving death and a Vienetta. Unfortunately Mr Owl is on supper duty tonight and has just cryptically informed me he's been thinking about tuna. SOS. Send greasy foodos.

 

[trueblue222]

Common and coarse? Stop making excuses as to why people don’t want you on TV. You’re useless. That’s why people don’t want you.

She doesn’t have a spare six minutes in her diary? Don’t believe that for a minute. She has zero profile away from twitter

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

She's back. And cooking.

 

[Cookiecookie]

Happy 300 canal! Enjoy some tindade

 

[SweetTransvestite]

Whilst building my french BBQ yesterday, I wore one of my many Italia kickyball shirts.
We had LM mozzarella burgers with SCAMorza in homemade ciabatta. I drank Peroni, Mrs had Aperol.
I'm half half. But I think we can collectively agree that neither of my peoples want Jack..back off from our bridges, canals and food you segaiolo.

 

[TbilisiPeach]

Vienetta? On a peach?

What would old chief say to that.

Love to the cabal from a church in Georgia.

 

[panda_eyes]

The squig has replied to this, and quite rightly said -

View attachment 1248722

They've only got one follower so I'm not sure why Jack is even bothering to reply and start a fight here?

 

[SweetTransvestite]

Having been unduly influenced ALL DAY, I've just been to the co-op for Vienetta essentials and the shelves were empty. I hope all you hateful canal of bourgeoisie are happy now? Enjoy your evening xoxo

 

[maytoseptember]

I mean, this is extremely narcissistic. The idea that a book launch, traditionally an excellent excuse for a piss up, would make all its refreshments teetotal…

A friend’s book launch too, not Jack’s

(I mean, have any of Jack’s book launches ever warranted a party?!)

Reminds me of an ex-friend, someone who (I later realised) ticks more than a few compensatory narc boxes herself. She requested that, if she attended my hen do, could people please not drink because she was pregnant and would have to stay sober.

 

[FlirtyThirty]

I need to make a confession…I still haven’t grunked the mythical thread 31 because I’m too scared of the second hand cringe!! I can’t bear embarrassment!!! Even someone else’s (I don’t know why I’m weird ok it’s like the moomin fear and the fear I have of getting my foot stuck in a giant clam even though I have never even seen or swum near one)

 

[Sglodion]

Soz, I typed too slow to fit this on the last thread so now it's going here where it's no longer relevant.

Spoiler: Jack adjacent me rail

Bar the canal, I think one of the reasons that I'm drawn to Jack's threads is that she reminds me of me in some ways. Cut me and I bleed middle-class white privilege (just like you Jack!).

I left school at 16 but walked into an amazing job in the media not long after but I def do feel a bit lesser not having a degree. Jack clearly does too. I've always worked since that age and supported myself financially but I have also had the luxury of additional financial and emotional support from my family. There's always been that safety net that so many don't have and I feel a huge amount of guilt about that when I see people struggling. Why is it so shameful to be MC?

Also super jelly of your 4 degrees you clever bean

Spoiler: class waffle and armchair psychoanalysis

I think growing up in a middle class liberal family comes with a lot of contradictions. The overt messaging is that you should always remember how lucky you are, be understanding of anyone less fortunate, and not stereotype or judge others. But what usually happens in practice is that your parents can afford to live in a nice area, so you go to a decent school and make friends with other kids from 'nice' families, and basically don't cross paths with many working class people - def not ones who fit the Shameless or 'get all the illegals out' stereotypes. Then when you do encounter people like that you feel uncomfortable because you're in an unfamiliar situation and don't fit in, the same way a kid from an inner city comp would feel uncomfortable if they suddenly found themselves surrounded by kids from Eton, except that in your case it comes with a load of guilt because you've spent your whole life being told it's bad and wrong to feel that way. Not anyone's fault, it's just how things work out.

Add on top of that sneery media tropes about 'the bank of mum and dad' and general stereotypes that suburbanites are dull/clueless and a teenage identity crisis is practically inevitable. Most teenagers are kind of dumb, so we deal with it by doing things like trying to make ourselves sound more working class, getting really embarrassed about anything that might mark us out as 'posh', and adopting completely random and contradictory political takes depending on what we think makes us sound most open-minded at the time (e.g. "anyone opposed to unlimited immigration is a Nazi fascist", but five minutes later "we need to stop stereotyping working class northerners as bigots"), not realising that everyone else sees through all this and we're being extremely cringe.

For normal people, there comes a time where you realise other people have better things to think about than your background and interests, and as long as you're not a snobby twat no-one cares. At that point you learn to just be yourself instead of trying to think the 'right' way all the time. But for an emotionally stunted slopgoblin like Jack, I think she's still stuck in the teenage mindset of being convinced that everyone else is thinking about her at all times, and as a result she's still really self-conscious about all this pointless shit that any well-adjusted person would have stopped worrying about by the time they turned 22. That's why a lot of her behaviour seems so random, like lashing out at Gu puddings or needing to agree with the squigs about EVERYTHING even when it makes no sense - she doesn't have a coherent personality, she's trying to guess how to behave based on her ideas about how other people think, but most of her guesses are wildly off target and so her resulting actions often look erratic and bizarre. Just my opinion, obvs.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Actual scenes from Maison @SweetTransvestite

 

[Hollaaa]

Vlad Boots Interference
Happy 300!