Jack Monroe #300 Fauxcialist

[Flumps]

She just hates cooking, I think, that’s why it’s stressful for her. Also, drama.

Our dinner tonight is

Roast pork (including crackling)
Roast potatoes
Stuffing
Buttered cabbage
Honey and thyme glazed carrots
Apple sauce
Gravy

I’ve also pottered in the garden, done a load of washing, discussed upcoming exams with my daughter, helped OH (sorry) plank some wood, had my parents pop in for coffee and titted about on the internet.

The cooking part of the day was nice and restful, because it’s all repeated and familiar processes and quite a mindful thing. Not a stress. She just hates it and isn’t good at it and makes everything a huge performance instead of getting on with it.

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

Big Dave's FB posts are a joy! He writes 'to whom it may concern ' posts about the most pointless and twatty things.
There was a recent one 'to express disappointment ' that roads on a new housing estate weren't named after local veterans and war heroes.
I'm guessing by the tone of it he wanted 'Hadjicostas Boulevard ' to be one.

Nah I bet he wanted it to be called Karl Marx Cul-De-sac

 

[PoorPatrol]

Lol at phenomenal viewing figures for her joyless, shaking, snivelling and frankly rude performance on DKL (terrible).

We were literally locked indoors with fuck all to do, and no idea what to do about food shortages - you had us by the bollocks! Also not sure they actually were phenomenal?

I watched every bloody evening coronavirus update without fail, usually crying and/or feeling like I was about to have a panic attack. Doesn’t mean it was top quality viewing, pal!

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

She'd just go off again about that time she made a gorgonzola semi freddo with dessicated olives (it was dessicated she described them as, wasn't it?) Practically the same as a Vienetta.

You ask and we shall find .

ETA- @Cookiecookie Mrs T is obsessed by Heartbreaker too. She is in tears at the moment. I cannot comment because I am posting pictures of vile recipes made by a horrible person to a group of hilarious trolls on the internet.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Yay #300 party time Plenty of kombucha and maize snacks for all!

 

[Onestorytoomany]

I am a bit slow but I just realised why she was quiet last weekend and it wasn't because of fun in the sun but roaming charges in the EU.

 

[maytoseptember]

@Cookiecookie That recipe you posted Do all of Jack’s recipe preambles basically say “This dish is terrible… awful. Nothing like the dish that I wanted to recreate. Don’t bother”.

She literally called this recipe an abomination. And she expects people to want to try it? Did anyone proof read this fucking thing?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Why on earth are you tweeting this? You’re a grown woman?

 

[Toffee finger]

That’s the fanciest vienetta I’ve ever seen. Do I need to report you to the ASA for not declaring your paid promotion?

Well it’s thread 300 it has to be fancy

I have triangulated that wrapping paper as being from WAITROSE you FAUXCIALIST. We have some too

I bought mine from Sainsburys actually so can you delete your LIBELLOUS post as my lawyer in Israel wins 100% of his cases. Leave me alone thankyou

(genuinely bought it from Sainsburys but I’ve seen it in Asda too. It gets around)

 

[It’s The Truman Show]

I wonder how many fraus there actually are? I’m sure the mods can forensically, slowly, gently extract that information to be presented to us in a porridge bowl of slop.

ETA: Omg I’m a VIP MEMBER

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Shamelessly stolen from dear heart @Smeghead and probably a bit mean. Sorry not sorry.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Got a yellow sticker Gu in sainsburys. Let the celebrations begin. Send pringlos.

Serendipitous timing. I just cracked these babies open. Send addressos.

 

[floozifer]

I've been celebrating 300 today by having a little nosy through tin can cook. I am a library frau so I do not have to buy it. I even refuse to borrow it officially. And by the way in very very many years of being a library frau I can count the times on one hand I've seen any of Jack's books on the return trolley.

Anyway I was reading this little delight where she waters down a tin of mushroom soup with 2 of water and I suddenly realised she did not know her mum used Campbells condensed soup. Oh my god can you imagine the flavour of that monstrosity swimming in 2 cans of water?


I had to get viennetta to recover from the thought.

 

[moldwarp]

eh, you can just soak pasta in cold water first, obviously

for all the fraus who don't think they can read thread 31, please do. it was amazing

my highlight will always be #mysadlittleface

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Ah lol this reminds me of DKL Jack in the second week where she suddenly started larping like she was a live telly veteran, flinging TV parlance around and staying up half the night reading WW2 recipes

To the Frau up thread whose sister was asking why Jack fucks up every single point she tries to make: it’s because her whole persona is based on something she is not. If I had a severe convulsion and suddenly decided to larp as a quantum physics professor with Cherokee heritage, I too would fuck up at every point because it’s something I’m not. HOWEVER, I would hope that after 10 years of immersing myself in quantum physics and Cherokee culture I would at least have picked up enough of those things that I wouldn’t insult physicists and the Cherokee Nation every time I opened my mouth? So it just shows how unwilling Jack is to listen to and learn from others’ lived experience.

To be honest Fraus I’m still wOw at Jack’s claim that she stopped recommending people buy and use Basic ranges 8 years ago?? That’s literally her USP, the long promised VBI is based on it, what’s she going to do now?

Also her claim that a weekend in Venice has changed her entire cooking philosophy and she’s now going to use fewer ingredients as in classic Italian cuisine? Whilst it’s nice that she’s no longer going to recommend overengineered slop with a million and one wacky ingredients, the challenge with only using 4 /5 ingredients and really letting them sing is you need those ingredients to be of the finest quality and you need proper chef skills, or a real cultural heritage, to treat those ingredients properly to bring out the best in them. In the kindest possible way, this is not really Jack’s skill set.

I too really wanna know the origin of TD’s beef with Jack! Go TD!!

 

[WTFDidIJustSee]

I mean, this is extremely narcissistic. The idea that a book launch, traditionally an excellent excuse for a piss up, would make all its refreshments teetotal…and the idea that the staff at the Groucho, who see real celebs on the daily and doubtless take no shit, would fall over themselves to see to Jacks every comfort and protect her precious smol pixie sobriety, is just…pfftff.

meanwhile here on planet earth, us normie recovering allies have to accept that other people drink and don’t give a shit about our sTrUgGLeS. We have to learn to navigate a world with alcohol in it without falling over and having a tantrum every five minutes.

Exactly this. I’m not an addict, but…

Spoiler: “Addiction Rant”

… My mother, Step Dadand my abusive ex are. So many of us have made so many sacrifices and allowances in attempts to help them, although I don’t any more and haven’t got a long time because I’m the only one that doesn’t have a Saviour Complex and I long accepted that I have zero control or influence over anyone’s recovery, or not.

Step Dad has spent his entire life an addict, won’t accept he is one, because “But I work. Every day. In a highly skilled job. I pay all my bills.” And so on and so forth. He’s in his 60s now and frankly I’m shocked he’s still alive. My half siblings are 12 years younger than me and I spent my teen years terrified that he would die before they had any memories of him at all.

The only reason he’s only tanking 2 bottles of wine per night in the week now rather than 5-6 is because it makes him violently ill to drink more, and I’ve never been able to keep track of his weekend drinking.

Mother - no clue, she was abusive my entire childhood so she is not a part of my life. She divorced Step Dad years ago.

I don’t see him often - once or twice a year when one of my gang of siblings manages to organise and coordinate a meet up, he looks worse.

Ex - abusive, restraining order, no contact family court order, thank fuck.

My brother is the only sober one. 7 years and counting. He is an entirely different person to when he was using and Holy Fuck he works 24/7 to maintain sobriety. He refers to this quote from Elementary TV show with Johnny Lee Miller all the time -

Sherlock Holmes : If you must know, Watson, I've been feeling a little bit down of late. It's the process of maintaining my sobriety. It's repetitive. And it's relentless. And above all, it's tedious. When I left rehab, I... I accepted your influence, I committed to my recovery. And now, two years in, I find myself asking, 'is this it?' My sobriety is simply a grind. It's just this leaky faucet that requires constant maintenance, and in return offers only not to drip.

 

[colouredlines]

TBH that old comment of TD's makes it really clear that she's like most of us - not evil, not prejudiced against Jack for being tattooed/gay/working class etc, in fact someone who probably started out liking Jack then realised that the emperor was naked.

It's a shame that people don't realise that most Jack critics are like this...

 

[Feck]

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"So proud of the viewing figures!" It was during a national lockdown. People literally couldn't leave their houses. You've just suggested using orange flavoured sugar in coffee. Go. To. Bed. You. Absolute. Danger.

 

[jenny2603]

It's not snobbery that stops other people making risotto using 'broken longgrain* rice', it's the observation that it produces a totally different texture. Hence one might call a dish using long grain, savoury rice or something along those lines.

*longgrain is the new thankyou

 

[Captainmouse]

Is this a smoosh?

 

[Penelope_Ghent]

Oh please, I forced myself to watch this yesterday, I bet the squig has never watched it. She's so chippy

No Jack, it’s because you are shite at telly stuff and your recipes are bogging.