Jack Monroe #300 Fauxcialist

[Pavlova]

She's back. And cooking.

Breaking News:
A family of 10 from Sarfend were struck down at the weekend by what expert ninnies are calling a 'mysterious' bug.
Further investigations have revealed the sources to be listeria pesto, followed by a peach pumble recipe from Georgia - plus an egg, which doctor's pronounced as 'inexplicable'.
The cook, Jacksie Monroe, was invited to comment. However we were told she was having "a piss and a sandwich, pal" and not available (leave me alone).
Sir Matt of the Forearms was also invited to comment, as was Nigella Lawson, who were both quoted as saying "I don't know her."
Scientists are hoping to run tests on the cutlery used for the dinner but reports are saying they have over 1000 to chose from after wading through mountains of tat treasures in the so-called 'shitty bungalow'.
(Ends)

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[GoLando]

I’ve just attempted that.

Everyone, do not attempt to explain vienettas on profile pics to anyone in your household. I got a big sigh, a big side eye and an “is this about that f****** person you are obsessed with again?”



ETA- I love the vienettas. We all know, we may be 242 threads behind Hinch, but we are .

If I make a noise whilst on my phone I get “ok, what’s bloody Jack Monroe done now…”

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

She baffles me with SB. Is she really as tight as she makes out?

Well she has made her entire brand of the fact she starved him rather than go round to her mum and dad’s for food.

 

[Atruck]

When the vienetta hats first appeared on my grunk I thought they must be nail brushes! And then as I've bin skim grunking through everyone's toot tooting for the special occasion I thought I must've just missed one of those magical canal moments where content takes a developmental leap into hilarious lore, but then the last few pages I've seen the blower up pictures and see that it is vienetta after all. The mental stimulation of the canal is like nothing else!
Happy 300th to you all

 

[KingBabar]

Posting so I can see my Vienetta hat, and to say thanks to the canal for brightening some crappy days, and long sleepless nights for me with your wit, intelligence, techy and triangulation skills. What a fabulous group of mithering ninnies you are.

 

[Awful]

IRL - your family didn’t know how good they have it, OH’s are going back for more

View attachment 1252550

Took it home to be polite and dumped it roadside

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Small mercies re the ASDA cake I suppose. Touch wood the McFlurry machine isn’t broken ey x

 

[Geetbo]

@Cookiecookie That recipe you posted Do all of Jack’s recipe preambles basically say “This dish is terrible… awful. Nothing like the dish that I wanted to recreate. Don’t bother”.

View attachment 1249398

She literally called this recipe an abomination. And she expects people to want to try it? Did anyone proof read this fucking thing?

The word tindade makes me want to walk into the sea.

 

[frankychester]

She is posh though. Just very nasal for some reason,

Jack and Anne Widdecombe basically have the same voice, except Jack tries to make it sound 'common' and Widdecombe made herself sound posh. But they are starting from roughly the same place. I am convinced of this.

 

[Hollaaa]

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Happy 300, darling Frauen and Herren. Thanks for the extremely authentic Venetian desserts adorning our heads, mods.

Watching Saturday Kitchen on catch-up to celebrate, and glorying in the bum vase.

I’ve woken up for the second consecutive morning thinking about the baffling dichotomy of Jack claiming to be spawn of a Marxist while tweeting at least once a week that she’s desperate to own a house. PROPERTY IS THEFT, Jack, and that makes yer slumlord Grandad and yer da tea-leaves.

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

Jack Monroe Enemies List:
The BBC
Jamie Oliver
Security guards in Wilko
Voters in Thorpe area
Old Chief
I'd add more but I'm BUSY

Big arborio

 

[ConfusedMango]

Happy 300 threads ninnies! I don’t post often but I try to grunk along daily. I appreciate the collective research, insights and most of all the canal’s hilarity that makes these threads a fascinating read.

It’s amazing (and quite frightening) that in all this time Jack hasn’t changed at all and has progressively got worse. A truly awful person.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

It's horrible in the article I've linked below where Jack states 'I should really stop allowing myself to be so vulnerable' after being sexually assaulted multiple times - it reeks of victim blaming


https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/dec/29/my-year-of-sobriety-jack-monroe

Every time I read that article, I find some sentence that makes me despise her that little bit more. Everything in it is just a bit too overwrought, reminds one a little bit too much of a scene in a film or a book, feels just a bit too constructed.

Sorry to all those fraus that struggle with issues relating to this. Sorry to all those fraus who don’t have a local shop owner who has nodded understandingly and prevented them from buying certain items.

She really has no shame.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Mmm that fridge gravel cooler sounds lovely, I think I shall whip one up now. I haven't got any mint, lemon or cucumber so I've swapped them for broccoli (green), lettuce (starts with L) and gherkins (all cucumbers are the same).

 

[RevEd]

V for Viennetta

 

[NomDeGuerre]

“Father in Law”?!?!

 

[Smeghead]

Loving all the lurkers coming out to say hello. Any others? Tell us what brought you here in the first place

 

[MooBelle]

She's back. And cooking.

You are not half Cypriot.
You don't drink coffee.
I thought your house was always freezing?