Jack Monroe #300 Fauxcialist

[Brian Butterfield]

Jack’s followers are rude fucking arseholes.

 

[Miss Anne Thrope]

Happy 300th thread you lovely Tattlers, you <3. I'm still chuckling at my Vienetta/nail brush hat, such a fun thing to do to celebrate!

Not to be a bummer, but this bit of her alcoholism Grauniad piece stood out; Fack is such a hardened confabulist but this bit rings true. Thank heaven his Da is there for him. And always the sniping about the foster kids, I feel sorry for her mum.

(PS:- Jack, this was published in 2019 and you are still flaky, late and unreliable, remeber that conference you were hugely late to? Do better.)

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

I'm sure ocado sell that, I accidently ordered it during lockdown when it was the only pasta they had in stock, when it arrived my son who was putting the shopping away came in hooting whilst waving the package. It wasn't wasted as when I told my Italian friend he was excited as his mother used to cook it for him in soup as a child so I gave it to him.

My Italian Mother did too. She passed away last year and this has very much made me smile. This pack is from her kitchen.

 

[panda_eyes]

I've never had viennetta but I've always presumed it was super posh.

I went on the Wiki for Viennetta to learn more about this legendary dessert and learnt that...

"In 2007, to celebrate the brand's 25th birthday, a 22.7 metres (74 ft) long Viennetta was made, setting the world record for longest ice cream." WOW

 

[Brian Butterfield]

 

[Walkdengirl]

I had a look at the wiki, I've never properly watched lockdown larder with her and st Matt of the forearms as the bits I've seen were so awful I couldn't face it, however I had a free afternoon and in honour of the 300th thread I watched them all.

They were worse than i thought possible. Why did she run everywhere, why was she so rude? On the plus side she wasn't as nasal

 

[traumatised sideboard]

You look dashing as always @Brian Butterfield

 

[Hollaaa]

Wonderful wonderful day. Thanks for times together fraus

Clarends! You're the double denim of Italian cuisine!

Spoiler: Screenshot for context

Future fraus, I got you

 

[Pocahontas]

I just went round the corner for a Viennetta but they didn’t have any Snickers ice creams were on offer so I grabbed those instead seeing as all foods are interchangeable.

Word on the grapevine is Jack’s bought every Viennetta in Southend.

 

[definitelynotvlad]

My SB has chicken pox so Ill have to add a viennetta as well as some calamine lotion to the shop to help cheer him up. Such a selfless mother.

To celebrate thread 300 I will be frying up some tinned fish which has been open for several days with a sprouting potato & a wilted leek, and mixing it with some long grain rice to create a risotto. Recipe to follow, have a lovely day x

 

[Yel]

Serendipitous timing. I just cracked these babies open. Send addressos.

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I never usually comment on appearances, but what the hell has happened to his face?!

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

Can I pretend that this one is taking the piss? Please ... just for 5 minutes? Promise I won't say BUM any more today.

 

[Grizzlybear]

Wow the Vienetta hats are incredible. What a treat. *FANCY PERSON KLAXON* I have a birthday themed Vienetta in the freezer that I bought in Waitrose the other day. Today might be the day to crack it open

I can’t believe the level of effortless sophistication flex here, of just having a vienetta in the freezer already.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

When my parents feed their cats they put the bowls down and say 'here's your smoosh' so the smoosh element is quite revolting to me personally and combined with the nuzzling element I actually want to vom.

I have just added geegaw, relinquish, stationary, gumshoe, gavotte, doused and spiral stairs to the Jacktionary. Please don't be afraid to contribute to the Jacktionary, I put it in the wiki to make it a collaborative effort and I'm SO TIRED, working 100 hours behind the scenes. Have a lovely evening, pal.

 

[GoLando]

OH MY FUCKING GOD THE HAT SITUATION IS BRILLIANT.

We need to make this the slowest thread ever (Jack, when you catch up, can you please shut up just for today) but it’ll be full of comments like mine

Jack likes to pretend she has a 'common' speaking voice. She really doesn't She's described it as coarse and Estuary before now, when it's neither. Hideous nasal tone aside, you can tell from her intonation and pronunciation that she's not got a WC Essex accent and is pretending to speak like a MC person - she is a middle class person.

You can definitely tell in the videos that pop up (there's a particularly grim poetry reading, which I SHAN'T link to because eeeew) when she's trying to act like a Poor, that she's faking the accent.

Probably been told her voice doesn’t suit tv or radio and she’s decided it’s due to her accent rather than the general tone and quality.

 

[PoorPatrol]

I’ve just realised, also, that not only is her ex’s/SB’s dad FB wide open, but so is his young daughter’s. Madness. Who would do that? And guess whose birth coincided with The Poverty™️ and who in the accompanying pictures looks very much clean, well-fed, with warm clothes on?

 

[Pavlova]

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DKL viewing figures were phenomenal because we were fucking captive/imprisoned indoors, you tool. I really hate her binning off the catering and restaurant/chefs.
I hope they rip her a new one.

 

[SweetTransvestite]

Happiest 300 to all Jack is the absolute worst but look at this brilliant body of work we made!
Thanks for all the hilarios and may we all wear little replica Vienetta hats for our day in court

Just warning you all now that I'm gonna do a dress like Gaga, but entirely made out of Vienetta..
The longer Jack lies, the more it melts. Hopefully we'll all be back in The Winchester fairly sharpish

 

[Mel Donte]

Jesus fucking Christ. This isn't MSN messenger Jack.

 

[usefullyuseless]

I feel like we should all get Cornettos on our heads to celebrate the 300 and that jack now identifys as Italian or somefink!

Italy have tweeted Jack

Spoiler: 🇮🇹

Please leave me alone

So hopefully her notes (in Italian!) never see the light of day