Jack Monroe #27 Jack's career move after cooking with cans? Who’d have thought it would be OnlyFans?

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no-no

no-no

Annnd she’s off again! Bet she tweets before me and it’ll definitely be before 6pm.

chocolate choux said:
33 pounds is a lot considering the fact that she was already slim and also short. I’m calling bullshit
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Certainly is BS! I know weight is a touchy subject but she loves to mention it so sorry not sorry, Jack. I’ve lost about 28lbs and gone from a 10 to a 6. She doesn’t look any different to me. Her hairy legs look quite muscular, too. Why’s she trying to make out she’s some waif in Vivienne Westwood? Must’ve been spending too much time on tumblr...
 
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LittleBitAlexis

LittleBitAlexis

Universal said:
I am only half way through your posts but I feel like asking SMEG for a Freedom of Information Request on the, 'big American fridge'.
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Please do! Did anything ever come of the other FOI request that someone sent to the BBC a while back?

Saturn. said:
Right, someone call that Gareth Malone chap, someone else sort out a premium Zoom account, and someone square this with Billy Joel. Start working on your harmonies, girls - rehearsals start next week. I'll supply the Hob Nobs.
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Ooh, I have a premium Zoom account! Bagsy being the David Rose character when Nigella comes along for a cameo at the end 😂



Tabitha D said:
Looks like things are in the red there. Certainly no huge amounts of cash sloshing about. Creditors seem on the high side for a micro company.
But it doesn’t tell the whole story, just a snapshot re that company.
It’s quite a new company too. I expect there were previous companies.
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She isn't listed as a director elsewhere, which I think she would be even if the companies were wound up or struck off. Who knows what she was doing before, sole trader perhaps? I can't see how she would have done the whole paying herself minimum wage, though if that were true.
 
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J4n0Z

J4n0Z

HarderFaster said:
Ah, I remember those halcyon days when I had no money at all, a Smeg fridge, a £500 sideboard (to be used interchangeably with another) and a wardrobe full of Vivienne Westwood.
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And to think I felt all fancy when I got a Hobbs frock 2nd hand on ebay. I'm obviously doing poor wrong.

Maybe it's just me but if I was short for money and had designer clothes, I'd be selling them. But what do I know?
 
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B

bananasplit88

colouredlines said:
I got bored so I wrote a song that covers the last 3 months of Jack's life.

To the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire"

Single mum, not a cook, newfound fame, writes a book
Alcoholic, vegan, trans, immunocompromised
THAT MAN on Channel 4, angry tweets, she's still poor,
Lockdown Larder, spinach cans, Daily Kitchen Live

Coughs a bit, stays at home, tech problems on her phone
Grated corned beef, horse spunk sauce, superhero pose
Cans of veg, cans of roots, passive-aggressive citrus fruits
Rinsed beans, dry cake, now in the studio!

She didn't put out fires
She just answered phones
Although you'd never know
Some would call her a liar
But they're all just bitter
And her lawyer's with her

Fat in mince, bread knife, borrows Matt from his wife
Cheeky duo, rising star, laughing up a lung
Suing Tattle, printing pages, hasn't felt this good in ages
Nigella-lite, wants renewal, phone stays unrung

Big announcement coming soon, superfan is on the moon
Garden camping, buying paint, renovates the shed
Apologies to THAT MAN, camping stove, lots of cans
Youtube show? No but look, now she's shaved her head!

She didn't put out fires
She falls under trains
The Tories are to blame
Her food always looks dire
Salmon paste and rinsed beans
On a bed of tinned greens

On the train, pervy men, same old tit once again
Bloke says "hi", Jack gets mad, kicks him in the shin
New book, depressipes, This Morning, veg and cheese
Uncooked pasta, no chicken, straight into the bin

Posting books, all by hand, anything for her fans
None arrive, what's gone wrong? Blame the Royal Mail
Makeover for Instagram, lifts 93 kilograms
Fridge breaks, begs a Smeg, going off the rails

She didn't put out fires
She's a maverick leader
With a million readers
She's available for hire
Four jobs and patrons online
She's still on the breadline

Hellman's mayo, grey hair, Miguel Barclay sure looks scared
Potato salad, tofu sandwich, comments all turned off
Stays up late, many tweets, tucks her labia, then deletes
Now she has severe hayfever - wasn't it a cough?

Video in black and white, #JackLivesMatter so let's fight
White as mayo, small advance, where is Mrs J?
Racist drama, shielding mother, now here comes her black brother!
Lockdown haircut, Twitter break, lasts less than a day

She didn't put out fires
She supports black dreams
But just behind the scenes
Why do her fans admire
Her suspicious fiction
And Twitter addiction?

Lost weight, overshare, photoshops her body hair
Sexy photos in weird clothes, Stuart's going mad
Mrs J has run away, time for a new fiancée
Sports bra, skin-tight skirt, but she just looks sad

Grenfell Tower memories, nuggets of mince, fat and cheese
536 days off the booze
Marcus Rashford, Twitter fights, thirst trap photos, sleepless nights
Bathing in her own ephemera, hardly any views

She didn't put out fires
Small Boy's dad is helping
But she won't stop yelping
Maybe she should retire
She'll use her Hellman's riches
To sue Tattle witches
As the lawyers conspire
To pay legal fees, er,
She could sell a freezer?
While we sort court attire
She's triangulating
So let's all stop hating...
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Amazing 👏🏻 I snorted my tea.
 
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Tabitha D

Tabitha D

spirals said:
View attachment 155847

Didn’t we go through all this 10 days ago??
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But what about all that stuff she was supposed to be doing to promote black cooks and food writers etc. Wasn’t she going to be doing “much more” on this? I know she did a couple of retweets but surely that wasn’t it? Has she forgotten about this?
 
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J4n0Z

J4n0Z

colouredlines said:
Aww, thanks all for the kind words about my little ditty. I've been reading these threads a lot longer than I've been commenting, and they provided some much-needed comic relief during those dark quarantine days (where I live - not in the UK so will need to be extradited when Jack comes knocking - we had a VERY strict quarantine, and it was hard to get through). Glad to be able to give something back to the hausfrau community.

PS if anyone wants to write their own lyrics, I will charge you 80€ a month on my Patreon.
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You need some sort of award for that, it's bloody hilarious. How about an honorary membership at the Groucho?
 
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Oxford_Girl

Oxford_Girl

Tabitha D said:
But what about all that stuff she was supposed to be doing to promote black cooks and food writers etc. Wasn’t she going to be doing “much more” on this? I know she did a couple of retweets but surely that wasn’t it? Has she forgotten about this?
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Isn't that all being built away from publicity ? Perfectly understandable given how much Jack shuns publicity never jumps on a band wagon and it is never about her?
 
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