Jack Monroe #267 Could it be a different scheme you helped set up?

[Silver Linings]

Title by @HotesTilaire

Please remember no thread titles until the tail end of the thread and to add ‘thread title’ or ‘thread title nomination’. No swearing in them please.

Wiki is the pink button for newbies.

Lights are off and the lightbulbs are out.

Shame on you, Jack Monroe aka BootstrapCook.

May Coopsy forever interrupt your sleep.

 

[MooBelle]

Title by @HotesTilaire

Please remember no thread titles until the tail end of the thread and to add ‘thread title’ or ‘thread title nomination’. No swearing in them please.

Wiki is the pink button for newbies.

Lights are off and the lightbulbs are out.

Shame on you, Jack Monroe aka BootstrapCook.

May Coopsy forever interrupt your sleep.

Excellent title. I think it may be one of my favourites.

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

Anyone want to buy some lightbulbs?

Please send help! Following Jack's advice I put on a "few" layers and I now can't budge.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Recap:

1. Jack went to The Big House (no, sadly not to prison as Ruby Rose's stand-in, but Parliament) to sniffle and whine about her own experiences of The Destitution and to say that the government are literally KILLING PEOPLE
2. She appeared on television looking simply stunning in a crispy orange Lego hairpiece
3. She suddenly and inexplicably has it in for her landlady and can't wait to leave her draughty manor of misery which is simultaneously also the only place that she and her son have felt at home after 120532 moves
4. Still does not understand how to use apostrophes
5. Lights OFF

Also can the ~tildes~ duck off now please and Thankyou x

 

[Vinbisha]

I want the toaster with "Toaster" written on it, so I stop trying to make crumpets in the kettle.

 

[jenny2603]

Jack Monroe #266 Toot Toot

The deleted tweets, m'lud: Filing them with all the others. Things I wish someone would tweet: "Don't want to preempt any sale, but will you be selling any of your sideboards? They're really expensive to buy new and I doubt would all fit in a three bed semi"

tattle.life

I would strongly advise that no one buys any bags in the Big Jack Bungalow Sale.

 

[Lazarus]

I want the toaster with "Toaster" written on it, so I stop trying to make crumpets in the kettle.

I’m glad this has carried over and nobody has commented what I was going to say: that being we could all pick half a dozen spoons each

 

[Clovis]

I want the toaster with "Toaster" written on it, so I stop trying to make crumpets in the kettle.

I want the FANCY toaster with toaster written on it so I can stand beside it and tell people that I don't own a toaster and watch their reaction.

 

[jenny2603]

I want the FANCY toaster with toaster written on it so I can stand beside it and tell people that I don't own a toaster and watch their reaction.

Just standing there making toast in the toaster "I have neither the worktop space nor the means to buy anything as extravagant as a toaster. Send cashos"

 

[Onestorytoomany]

I found this on shelters website, also if she really loves the home why doesn't she ask the landlord to help cover the costs of insulation in the house, she might not be able to afford it of the rent keeps bouncing.

Also I would seriously look into buying myself out, unless she just started a new lease she should only have a few thousand left to pay. Perhaps dip into the forever pot.

 

[Lazarus]

Just standing there making toast in the toaster "I have neither the worktop space nor the means to buy anything as extravagant as a toaster. Send cashos"

Funnier than that is that her followers see it and still send cash.
Who’s taking the ring binder’s, please? Those DEFINITELY need a custodian.

 

[Vinbisha]

I want the FANCY toaster with toaster written on it so I can stand beside it and tell people that I don't own a toaster and watch their reaction.

You can have it, I don't want it anymore. I told everyone I didn't have one but then it turns out I did.
Toaster ownership eh? More complicated than you'd give credit for.
Send toastos.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I bagsy the tampon pineapple.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Wish she'd stop making idle threats to sell her stuff, she never does it! Still waiting on her Depop so I can get my hands on that gorgeous flamingo blouse, you just never know when you get a last minute invite to a lūʻau.

 

[BubbleDuck]

Just standing there making toast in the toaster "I have neither the worktop space nor the means to buy anything as extravagant as a toaster. Send cashos"

Using a rusty vintage spoon to spread a thick layer of butter while stating “ I can’t afford butter “

 

[HotesTilaire]

Oooh I won a thread title! I’d like to thank the squig who said it, and Marm, Silver and Sawyer who have been screenshotting faster than you could say “file your accounts!” I assume my prize is a forever home with a spite orangery, and if it isn’t I shall sue.

 

[jenny2603]

Funnier than that is that her followers see it and still send cash.
Who’s taking the ring binder’s, please? Those DEFINITELY need a custodian.

I imagine The British Library will jump at the chance to snap those up. Although with Jack's strong connections to Scotland The National Library in Edinburgh may also take an interest- at the very least anything related to her trips to Sainsburys, Dishoom and Five Guys will be highly sought after by the Scots historians of the future.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

I also want the chair in the hall, just because, because I actually don't have a hall to put it in.

I just want to spite her. Because I am a mirror person.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

I would like the water rower please.

Then every time Jack is mean about us, I will row for 10 minutes, 100 metres , 5 seconds and think about how much it is getting back at her by me being as fit as James Cracknell I always was.

I will neglect to change the water in the water rower so it festers and becomes murky and reminds me of Jack .

 

[Captainmouse]

still behind in previous thread
@HotesTilaire said
I want to draw a map but it would look too stalkerish. Basically there’s a few roads and you’ve got crappy Bungalow, landlady lady’s home, stalker’s house, Jack’s parents, theco-op which sells the meze and that Chinese takeaway she had the other night. Sea, MOD base on one side. Tesco express on the other. Like a treasure map, but of tit. You can always relocate you know Jack.

don’t forget the tennis club TOOT TOOT