Jack Monroe #260 Stop trying to make macro philanthropy happen, it’s not going to happen

[traumatised sideboard]

But how did they afford chicken legs, massive potatoes and fancy supermarket coleslaw? Or was there just one communal chicken leg that they took turns in gnawing?

Also file 'bar brawl with an animatronic cheese grater' with ransacking badgers under I'm So Random Jack which comes under the larger umbrella of Total Cunt Jack. Thankyou x

 

[JombleWomble]

That’s quite a sneeze.


We’ve fitted a number of those, but I must admit that every time I see one, I do wonder how one avoids spraying shit everywhere. Apparently it’s all about getting the right water pressure

When I was travelling through a country where bum guns are common I met a British couple who had tried to have one installed at home. They very emphatically told me that I should absolutely not have one installed because they realised when they tried to use it that the water pressure was far too high. I didn't ask for more details.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Fruitjack]

So having got the luxury of a friend with a car to take her shopping why not go to the previously totally unreachable budget supermarkets?

 

[Django]

It's weird, I know some former vegetarians/vegans who now eat a lot of animal products, but none who actively seek out the cheapest, worst quality, lowest welfare meat and eggs around.

I just checked Asda Smart Price eggs - they come in packs of 15 and cost 7,9p per egg. I'm not vegan, but LJC, that makes me shudder.

A little off-topic,

but one of my friends has a new hen who just laid her first egg, it looks as if was a real squeeze to get out (the white one).

 

[bowiethesdmn]

I was looking for sleeping Jacks and I came across Wigs and Expensive Underwear Jack again

View attachment 1074015

Wig Jack was a genuinely unsettling and hilarious phase

 

[Geetbo]

I'm getting a bit worried that tinned potato, mung bean and prune curry might be incoming and I think that's the day I'll just start sobbing and clawing at the floor.

 

[HotesTilaire]

I for one am looking forward to squigs periodically piping up to ask where the Vomiting Bumgun Index is

 

[Peanutbutterandbanana]

I thought everyone knew you get more in plum tomatoes, and you can just chop them?

Spoons Jack can fuck right off, I have no spoons and let me tell you, half the time you do indeed just have toast or Idahoan (always there for me, full of potatoey goodness).
Also, maybe if she applied for PIP she could afford the £1.50 delivery fee for shopping online instead of moaning about walking there. On a Sunday afternoon, the busiest time of all the week. If I brave a supermarket expedition, it’s on like Tuesday at 1pm.

The chopped are riper as they have to be ripe in order to be chopped up when being processed. So although they have more juice, they are a lot better for making a sauce. I read that in a proper recipe book. She should try reading one sometime.

 

[jenny2603]

I'm going to make two assertions. I have no evidence for these claims, but I am willing to bet that -

a) almost all women have, at some point, used a wad of toilet paper as a makeshift sanitary pad when unable to find the right products for whatever reason.

b) nobody in the history of the universe has ever used a sport sock as a makeshift sanitary pad.

Or a copy of the fucking Metro.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

Spoiler: Cat food-related tedium

I cant recall who mentioned the super cheap pet mince a thread or two ago, but would this work for cats? I ask after having a mild break down when I got up this morning to find that one of the cats (i know who it was) had tipped the 48pc box of cat food off the kitchen table and half eaten all the packets. Obviously I put my cats before myself but they are really pushing it currently and the main suspect is my wife's cat who could be most fairly described as 'rotund'

I hope you've sent Jack a thank you card because you know all low prices at Asda have been personally arranged by her!

Personally I hired a sky-writer to etch 'SLOP BASTARD' above her local area

 

[Wonderalice6]

Going back to the re labelling tweet, my husband works in manufacturing and you can’t just re label products on a whim. It costs thousands to print the packaging not to mention the waste of money on the previous packaging that was made (it’s more about money rather than the environment) also the cheep and expensive products may not be owned by the same company so they wouldn’t have the rights to change the packaging anyway.

 

[ednaturnblad]

Moaning and performative selfies.

View attachment 1073579

Ugh it's like those 'babe caught me sleeping' memes from about 10 years ago mixed with Rose from Titanic.

She's a right pillock.

 

[Jelly Bean]

View attachment 1078443View attachment 1078444View attachment 1078445View attachment 1078446View attachment 1078447View attachment 1078448

Newfound love of jigsaws?
She was only moaning the other day how she couldn't finish one she started last March and this was a sign of how shit her life was

 

[Clovis]

Wasn’t there photos of Joan Crawford “ sleeping “ with her Oscar ?

The spent flash bulbs add a certain je ne sais quoi.

 

[EllaEm87]

It looks like those there baguette pizzas my mum used to make me in the 90s.

 

[jenny2603]

Oh, I thought we'd be having yellow sticker lamb today. You know, the one that lost out to sausages in a poll 3 days ago!
Maybe there wasn't any lamb after all.

Cue incoming lamb slop!

Maybe we're having Lamb and Yellow Split Pea Surprise. The surprise is that the lamb is now several days out of date and you might die.

ETA- loads of recipes out there for Jack to pinch.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

I wouldn't feed this to my imaginary dog

I'd not feed it to my cats and, once

Spoiler

my wife explosively vomited over my tiny beautiful baby cat and the cat fucking ate it

 

[MsGilmore]

The problem with compulsive liars like Jack is that they’re not intelligent enough to keep track of their own lies.
I work with a guy who is a compulsive liar and also lazy. He went off sick because he didn’t like the work we were doing and gets a lot of time off because he claims that his partner is chronically ill. He always tells different versions of the same story to people who work together. He got into trouble for telling a load of new staff that the work area they were being trained in made him suicidal. He wriggled out of it. He has since been promoted despite not having a clue about how to do the job properly.
There are plenty of people, this forum is proof, who can keep track of their lies! Unfortunately calling compulsive liars out is deemed as bullying or trolling despite the fact that Jack is a scammer and tax avoider.

 

[Feck]

Please do carry on being an obnoxious little brat Jack. Your true colours are showing. And you can pretend that Lidl and Aldi don't count all you like but cheaper alternatives exist whether you like it or not. Any decent human being with a genuine concern for the less fortunate would welcome facts and share actual cheaper products from ANY shop.

I like nasty, snippy,Twitter Jack though so knock yourself out.