Jack Monroe #259 “I’m alright Jack” Monroe

[jenny2603]

Can you imagine a Jack X Asda collab? Shot in b&w, a sad piano dirge playing softly but thoughtfully in the background and Jack bravely overcoming her fears on voiceover. 'When I was a yadda yadda etc'
Slowly, in broken boots wandering the aisles, counting the pennies from down the back of the gifted sofa, picking things up and with a slow shake of the head putting them back. As a solitary tear hits a 45p bag of rice a shaft of light hits Jack <the screen turns to colour>.
A hand is extended towards Jack and pulls her out of despair... but it's not Jesus, it is Mr Asda looking alot like Jesus. He cradles Jack like a smol, tired, battle weary warrior then whispers 'I was always with you, let's win this fight...for all the poors'. Then kisses her head.
[End scene].

This is incredible. I'd love a whole series of these. Mr Asda (Jesus) in the car park (desert) being tempted by Charlie Bigham (Satan) to ditch the Smart Price range. Then in the next one Mr Asda would appear before 5000 starving poors in the car park and start dishing out Smart Price fish finger sandwiches expertly prepared by a certain Smol pixie.

 

[allybongo]

#thread title nom

Sausages or fish?

 

[Nottonightbabe]

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Stuart? That you?

 

[SweetTransvestite]

This is incredible. I'd love a whole series of these. Mr Asda (Jesus) in the car park (desert) being tempted by Charlie Bigham (Satan) to ditch the Smart Price range. Then in the next one Mr Asda would appear before 5000 starving poors in the car park and start dishing out Smart Price fish finger sandwiches expertly prepared by a certain Smol pixie.

Early morning, we see a solitary Jack walking along Southend seafront (not a MOD restricted firing zone). The camera pans to a pair of broken, old boots and the long line of lonely footprints they leave. Jack, weary from 10 long years of selfless activism buckles under the enormous unrelenting pressure, the sacrifices made have finally taken their toll. An ugly but cheerfully coloured bag hits the sand revealing an empty purse, moleskine and biro.
'Why have you forsaken me? I just wanted to help the people but I can't carry this burden on my own anymore' (arthritis).
With a double tap of his posterior, Jesus/Mr Asda appears and whispers 'Jack, you were never alone. See those broken boots and that one set of footprints? That was when I carried you. 45p rice for everyone'. Then he kissed her head.
[end scene].

 

[Prognosis Negative]

I imagine in Jack’s vision Asda Jesus will at some point be nailed to a cross of broken sideboards to symbolise Big 4 price wars

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Awful]

Oh god she is insufferable

 

[colouredlines]

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There are 32 calories in 30g of mung beans. How is that a portion?

PS mung beans don't need to be soaked. Please learn to cook, Jack.

ETA in your 30g portion, you'll get 2,1g of protein and 2,3g of fibre. Let's not exaggerate here...

 

[EllaEm87]

Bean expert Jack has arrived.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

So she’s gone from spending over £100 on spoons to trying to save money by cooking beans in a flask.

That £100 could have gone towards the increase in your fuel bill you moonbot.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[PortiaControl]

All I can think of when someone mentions mung beans.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

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Does water from a kettle stay at 100 degrees all night? Does it have perfect insulation?



Shall we plot a cooling curve Jack?

Are you going to get really nerdy?

 

[bowiethesdmn]

How can one person write so much pointless shite about mung beans?

 

[SweetTransvestite]

I imagine in Jack’s vision Asda Jesus will at some point be nailed to a cross of broken sideboards to symbolise Big 4 price wars

Featuring-
Judas Iscariot played by That man
Mary Magdalene played by Momgella.

 

[Deej]

Bean expert who can’t tell the difference between mung and black beans!

 

[Jemadah]

Early morning, we see a solitary Jack walking along Southend seafront (not a MOD restricted firing zone). The camera pans to a pair of broken, old boots and the long line of lonely footprints they leave. Jack, weary from 10 long years of selfless activism buckles under the enormous unrelenting pressure, the sacrifices made have finally taken their toll. An ugly but cheerfully coloured bag hits the sand revealing an empty purse, moleskine and biro.
'Why have you forsaken me? I just wanted to help the people but I can't carry this burden on my own anymore' (arthritis).
With a double tap of his posterior, Jesus/Mr Asda appears and whispers 'Jack, you were never alone. See those broken boots and that one set of footprints? That was when I carried you. 45p rice for everyone'. Then he kissed her head.
[end scene].

I've not been in this thread for a while but duck me you lot are on top form

 

[lilamay]

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'When I was a single mum on benefits'...

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[bowiethesdmn]

Oh good she's changed pronouns again for the sake of a crap joke