Jack Monroe #239 Error when subscribing. Please try again.

[People-huv-tae-know]

I've been on an eleven-page catch-up so this is old now, but it made me laugh so I'm posting it anyway.

View attachment 984227

View attachment 984229

Brilliant

 

[ecdb]

TREATMENT FOR NEW CHARITY AD

*Sombre piano music*

Grave voiceover:

"Cooking in a functional kitchen is something most of us take for granted. But did you know there are people in the UK right now who don't have a draining board on the right side of the sink?

This is Jack."

*Fade to closeup of Jack's sad little face as she forlornly holds a miniature cardboard sink up to the camera*

Voiceover cont'd:

"Jack works 28 hours a day and hasn't been on holiday since before she was born. This month, she's only bought three pairs of pleather trousers and a ninth Cotswold Co sideboard because the stress of having an incorrect kitchen configuration has made her forget her John Lewis password and she can't buy the other essentials she needs."

*Greyscale montage of Jack washing a filthy antique spoon, mistakenly putting it to drain on the wrong side of the sink, howling in anguish, dropping to the floor, clawing at the lino and silently pulling the radiator from the wall*

Voiceover cont'd:

"It's appalling that Jack has to live like this. But it doesn't have to be this way. For just £99 a month, you can help people like Jack get the kitchen they deserve."

*Small print on screen at this point reads "Actually, just Jack."*

*Music changes to an upbeat, jazzy tune*

*Full-colour, sunlit shots of Jack happily placing washed crockery in her new sentient draining board - NOW ON THE RIGHT SIDE - and charging one of her seventeen phones in it at the same time, applying ridiculous eyeshadow in its gleaming reflection, etc*

"Please give today by calling 0901 149 0600 or by visiting the website onscreen.

Together, we can help stop kitchen nightmares.

Thankyou."

*End on Jack's gurning face*

FTFY (too short)

 

[colouredlines]

Well that was an enlightening and annoying grunk. Nice deployment of J 93kg there for us ninnies. Keep posting your brain starts, Jack, it lets people know you’re not at all poor.
Bear in mind she intimated she had about 30k in savings a few weeks ago. Things like the Hellman’s and Mel Donte partnerships would have brought in serious money as well, like 50k upwards. I think she said once that the website (aft links) brought in a decent monthly amount as well.

Hilariously, she lost all her aff links with the recent website crash.

 

[Shawads]

We finally replaced our broken kettle last week. Mr. Portia was running me through the options and suggested a Russell Hobbs one which I immediately vetoed. He was a bit puzzled but I couldn't be arsed to explain.

Did you sob?

 

[Malkiavelli]

View attachment 984209View attachment 984210View attachment 984211

Am no Tory but how does she know what they were doing in there, or that they don’t need to find a space to discuss matters at hand - and if so, why not offer food and drink there? Really don’t see much of a problem, personally. It certainly doesn’t automatically mean “getting pissed instead”. Sorry but she is in no place to claim an ounce of moral authority, the story is probably embellished as per, and how this silly little anecdote is cause for her “world” to “bleeping suck” is anyone’s guess.

 

[Pixieboots]

She's an entire circus of clowns, can't cope with her today.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Glad someone noticed how arrogant this tweet is, as though Jack's the only one to have noticed the mendacity of the tory party because she's just so insightful. Has anyone actually expressed this "surprise" she speaks of? Telling her own followers off for "not paying attention" while they're probably the ones at the hard edge of their policies rather than her, with her pinned tweet a photo of her gurning with sheer joy outside Theresa May's number 10. head.

 

[Fruitjack]

How patronising she is. 'Welcome to my world'. What world? The world where you can stay at home all day rearranging your excessive belongings and pop to town to buy more tit you don't need because you have the money, space and time to do so. I've never been closer to revoking my Tattle membership by pointing out some home truths and if she hadn't blocked me I'd have almost certainly succumbed to politely questioning her.

 

[Shawads]

Why does 'food' writer occasional poverty cosplayer Jack Monroe think parliament is 'her world'?
Bring called an activist by the media does not a politician make.
She doesn't work there, neither does she have any political role anywhere other than being wheeled in to rep for the poors and one-time ego driven plan to become MP for her local area.
She's been brought in for various bits over the years such as her play to the audience bit at 'conference', but nowadays she does as much for politics as she does for the Netflix/Bristol sports thing and does it as well as she did her del Monte collab.

She's not much more than a pundit at best.

 

[Boyo]

Hold up. #238 locked and 11 pages on #239??? What’s happened? Honestly, I turn my back for a few hours and (I assume) we’ve been chaosed.

 

[Mr Krabs]

bleeping hell. Complaining about too much pantry space. What’s next? Diamond shoes too tight? Isn’t the point of her recipes that they can be done by poor people with minimal equipment…. Haha never mind, that went out the window long ago.

Forget Celeb Come Dine with Me. She needs to get on Celeb Hoarders.

 

[Veronicaaa]

 

[Sweetcouchpotato]

Reminder: this is her kitchen.

View attachment 983856

Anyone get the impression that, like the clothes dyeing and the Depopping… this kitchen reorganisation “project” is just another pointless exercise in epic procrastination and Twitter engagement?

Do your taxes, Jack.

The "my unsuitable kitchen means I can't do my job until I've done 1 million complicated things to put it right" reminds me of my husband. We've lived in this house since 1998 and it's still an undecorated, slowly deteriorating mess of 1/4 finished DIY projects and a lengthy list of jobs not even started. Onlyhe can't do anything because he needs to build a work shop first and can't do that until he empties the existing sheds into the garage, but first needs to empty the garage but can't start that until he's completed the house renovation which he can't start because he needs to build a workshop first. It's exhausting to live with. I should probably take the brexit tins and Leave.

 

[Hollaaa]

Why does 'food' writer occasional poverty cosplayer Jack Monroe think parliament is 'her world'?

Doesn't vote
Doesn't pay tax
Gets a say

 

[JeanBurns76]

Of the multiple people I know with arthritis they couldn’t dream of doing this!

This! I have rheumatoid arthritis and in this weather, especially, it’s difficult to get around.

 

[GoLando]

View attachment 984209View attachment 984210View attachment 984211

So why didn’t she fight the election she stood in then???

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

What's the difference between her taxpayer-funded pissups and the HoCs? She doesn't pay her taxes but uses services to help her manage her addictions.

 

[Vanelope]

bleeping hell. Complaining about too much pantry space. What’s next? Diamond shoes too tight? Isn’t the point of her recipes that they can be done by poor people with minimal equipment…. Haha never mind, that went out the window long ago.

Forget Celeb Come Dine with Me. She needs to get on Celeb Hoarders.

Diamond shoes too tight! I love that saying.
As you were cabal - she’s infuriating in her pretend pov land.

 

[instacharlie]

View attachment 984209View attachment 984210View attachment 984211

I agree, I haven't been paying attention. Exactly what has Jack done in the last eleven years to try and change this??

 

[Emmapism]

'Welcome to my world. It sucks' would be a great you know what for later