BrilliantI've been on an eleven-page catch-up so this is old now, but it made me laugh so I'm posting it anyway.
View attachment 984227
View attachment 984229
BrilliantI've been on an eleven-page catch-up so this is old now, but it made me laugh so I'm posting it anyway.
View attachment 984227
View attachment 984229
FTFY (too short)TREATMENT FOR NEW CHARITY AD
*Sombre piano music*
Grave voiceover:
"Cooking in a functional kitchen is something most of us take for granted. But did you know there are people in the UK right now who don't have a draining board on the right side of the sink?
This is Jack."
*Fade to closeup of Jack's sad little face as she forlornly holds a miniature cardboard sink up to the camera*
Voiceover cont'd:
"Jack works 28 hours a day and hasn't been on holiday since before she was born. This month, she's only bought three pairs of pleather trousers and a ninth Cotswold Co sideboard because the stress of having an incorrect kitchen configuration has made her forget her John Lewis password and she can't buy the other essentials she needs."
*Greyscale montage of Jack washing a filthy antique spoon, mistakenly putting it to drain on the wrong side of the sink, howling in anguish, dropping to the floor, clawing at the lino and silently pulling the radiator from the wall*
Voiceover cont'd:
"It's appalling that Jack has to live like this. But it doesn't have to be this way. For just Ā£99 a month, you can help people like Jack get the kitchen they deserve."
*Small print on screen at this point reads "Actually, just Jack."*
*Music changes to an upbeat, jazzy tune*
*Full-colour, sunlit shots of Jack happily placing washed crockery in her new sentient draining board - NOW ON THE RIGHT SIDE - and charging one of her seventeen phones in it at the same time, applying ridiculous eyeshadow in its gleaming reflection, etc*
"Please give today by calling 0901 149 0600 or by visiting the website onscreen.
Together, we can help stop kitchen nightmares.
Thankyou."
*End on Jack's gurning face*
Hilariously, she lost all her aff links with the recent website crash.Well that was an enlightening and annoying grunk. Nice deployment of J 93kg there for us ninnies. Keep posting your brain starts, Jack, it lets people know youāre not at all poor.
Bear in mind she intimated she had about 30k in savings a few weeks ago. Things like the Hellmanās and Mel Donte partnerships would have brought in serious money as well, like 50k upwards. I think she said once that the website (aft links) brought in a decent monthly amount as well.
Did you sob?We finally replaced our broken kettle last week. Mr. Portia was running me through the options and suggested a Russell Hobbs one which I immediately vetoed. He was a bit puzzled but I couldn't be arsed to explain.
Am no Tory but how does she know what they were doing in there, or that they donāt need to find a space to discuss matters at hand - and if so, why not offer food and drink there? Really donāt see much of a problem, personally. It certainly doesnāt automatically mean āgetting pissed insteadā. Sorry but she is in no place to claim an ounce of moral authority, the story is probably embellished as per, and how this silly little anecdote is cause for her āworldā to ābleeping suckā is anyoneās guess.
The "my unsuitable kitchen means I can't do my job until I've done 1 million complicated things to put it right" reminds me of my husband. We've lived in this house since 1998 and it's still an undecorated, slowly deteriorating mess of 1/4 finished DIY projects and a lengthy list of jobs not even started. Onlyhe can't do anything because he needs to build a work shop first and can't do that until he empties the existing sheds into the garage, but first needs to empty the garage but can't start that until he's completed the house renovation which he can't start because he needs to build a workshop first. It's exhausting to live with. I should probably take the brexit tins and Leave.Anyone get the impression that, like the clothes dyeing and the Depoppingā¦ this kitchen reorganisation āprojectā is just another pointless exercise in epic procrastination and Twitter engagement?
Do your taxes, Jack.
Doesn't voteWhy does 'food' writer occasional poverty cosplayer Jack Monroe think parliament is 'her world'?
This! I have rheumatoid arthritis and in this weather, especially, itās difficult to get around.Of the multiple people I know with arthritis they couldnāt dream of doing this!
So why didnāt she fight the election she stood in then???
Diamond shoes too tight! I love that saying.bleeping hell. Complaining about too much pantry space. Whatās next? Diamond shoes too tight? Isnāt the point of her recipes that they can be done by poor people with minimal equipmentā¦. Haha never mind, that went out the window long ago.
Forget Celeb Come Dine with Me. She needs to get on Celeb Hoarders.
I agree, I haven't been paying attention. Exactly what has Jack done in the last eleven years to try and change this??