Jack Monroe #239 Error when subscribing. Please try again.

[Hollaaa]

Wilko aren’t gonna hire you, hun. It’s getting embarrassing

Jack is to Wilko what the fish people are to Jack.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[blurstoftimes]

On the one hand, she's always read recipe books as though they're novels, and on the other, she didn't know what soffritto is until 2017, and seems to be under the impression it's meant to come in the form of a paste. https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2017/01/04/soffritto-19p/

View attachment 987137

(I included the 2nd paragraph here simply because she describes herself as a "maverick" in it).

oh my god…why the actual fuck does soffritto need to be brightened up? It’s a base! It’s the one time it would make sense for Jack to use the word base and of course she doesn’t. Why has this triggered me so much

 

[Lanie]

IT'S NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK!!!!

Jack is a PROFESSIONAL cook. She NEEDS a perfect Wren kitchen, for work, ya know. How can she work? She doesn't. The kitchen table isn't even suitable for sitting at to do her taxes.

This explains so much, no wonder the poor smol pixie has struggled. It's her unsuitable kitchen in her shitty bungalow.

The struggle is real.

My kitchen is tiny in actual words you can barely fit two people in it. Guess what I have cooked and baked and even hosted dinner parties. A good workman never blames his tool pet.

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Yes it’s definitely the muted cream kitchen at the root of your (apparent) mental health struggles, Jack, rather than the lifetime of lies catching up with you.

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

what a hideous coupling. Zero sex appeal. Pair of superannuated landgirls.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[MancBee]

Flashback time. What was Jack doing one year ago?

10th January 2021.
View attachment 984365

Does anyone else call cleaning their own home and sorting out your own crap employment?

Jack seems to think that annual cleaning (it used to be called spring cleaning) can be done in lieu of paid work.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

My brain isn't firing on all cylinders at the moment and I'm probably just having a blank moment but in all the years Jack has been active as an 'Activist and Campaigner' what ACTUAL, provable, change for the better has she brought about?

 

[ecdb]

View attachment 983793View attachment 983794

Serious question(s): doesn't she have any actual work to do? and then secondly, if the answer to the first part is no, then how does she afford to pay rent?!

 

[Legionnairess]

View attachment 984148

I am having to sit on my Twitter hands on this one to ask her if that’s why she hasn’t paid her taxes. I don’t want to leave you all though.

 

[Pocahontas]

Have the police had any leads on her 40 boxes of tat and the lawnmower?!

Doubt it, I think they’re still working on her website. Southend PD only has one crack team at its disposal.

 

[Ellabella]

The idea that that kitchen is deep cleaned 12 times a day is the biggest laugh I've had in weeks.

 

[BlendedSlop]

4 years ago ...

View attachment 986094

Fuck the hell off! Another one to add to Jack's repertoire of charming sign-offs.

She LOVES to threaten people with libel doesn't she? Was this soon after the Hatie Cockpins trial and her "100% success rate"?

I genuinely don't know how she has the gall to moan about her charmed life when she rakes in so much for doing absolutely nothing. Especially knowing how bad some of her followers have it.

 

[PinkMariner]

So have just done an estimate on her revenue for 2021 - this isn’t straight forward but please bear with the explanation of it and as you read the bullets look at the table to help visualise! Excel phobic fraus pls join us on this journey and rest assured we will guide you through it!

So we factually know how many subscribers she had per month - what we don’t know is which payment tier they’re on or the platform fee Patreon are charging her. There’s also more complex shit like annuals get discounted but I see that as going in the vague estimate of avg monthly sub?

Because we don’t know these two we can take a look at a range of values and decide the assumptions that fit for us. So along the columns we’re applying different patreon fees, with 12% being the very highest according to their documentation and I’d assume for the big boys raking in tens of thousands a month?

Along the rows we have different avg subscription values, from the absolute minimum of £3.50 up to a hugely generous £20.00.

So let’s run through some scenarios:
* The absolute bare minimum she’d have received last year is £10.7k, assuming everyone is on the cheapest tier of £3.50 and Patreon are charging their highest fee of 12%
* Moving along the blue row you can see how a change in rates would effect her take home, if she’s on the cheapest rate of 2% she takes home £11.9k
* Going all the way up to the most £££ assumption that the average sub is £20 per month, this would mean taking home £61.2k - £68.2k per year.
* Personally for me, I think the truth lives somewhere in the grey. I think her audience are affluent enough that an avg sub of around a tenner makes sense and I’d imagine that she’d only be subject to minimal fees, so a take home of £25k - £34k from this makes sense.

View attachment 986002

Ps can we pls discuss how ducking annoying the ads are when trying to do a long post????

I think I love you. I adore a well laid out, well formatted Excel doc. Anyone who says they don't like Excel is a lower class of citizen imho!

 

[MancBee]

View attachment 986698

I see veganuary is going well.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Stand down.

Wrong granola. Cinnamon one is where it is at.

Hinch is boring anyway. Alpaca videos have nothing on an H and M pleather shirt with puff sleeves.

 

[Pocahontas]

I don’t know why, but when you mentioned “smol cardboard representations” and “Pythagoras”, I had to make one.

View attachment 985328

That’s a very good drawing, I hope you asked his permission.

Where’s your other hand?

WHERE IS IT?

 

[ChickenPorridge]

It’s not just the sheer amount of stuff, it’s also depressing (to me) it just looks like a retired Aunts house or something, or full of old shit as I’d say IRL. I think we are in #1958truther territory. Apologies to those who like the “look”

If it was stuff she even liked! She isn't comfortable among it and so she constantly changes, rearranges, dumps it in skips and buys more. Lots of books = smart, kitchenware = actual food expert, things stacked and hanging everywhere = crayzee and eccentric like Allergra, sports equipment = athletic like LJC, notebooks/folders full of shite = professional author

It's all for pics on Twitter. I'd be shocked if she'd even read one whole book in that 'library'.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

That’s a very good drawing, I hope you asked his permission.

Where’s your other hand?

WHERE IS IT?

My other hand is FURLOUGHED! Plus, two hands AND Pythagoras would just be like asking to be triangulated!

Incredible craftsmanship Sidey B, have you considered mass production and selling them framed? I choose to believe you had already made that at some previous point in time and now you're thrilled you finally have an opportunity to whip it out for the cabal like a tit in diva.pdf.

Dammit you’re right! I’m still waiting for a chance for the conversation to take exactly the right turn to whip out my miniature cardboard Eamon Holmes