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[Marmalade Atkins]

She truly believes her reductive little synecdoches are clever.

 

[kachoochoo]

mmmmm.... grated sad vegetables. perfect for a celebration!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Again, what is she expecting? Has she seen the quality of most housing in this country? She’s asking for a 2010+ full #reno kitchen - most don’t have many plugs. Our house has the original plugs lower than the new ones, in having new skirtings done we didn’t realise this meant some plugs (vacuum, MacBook) couldn’t be used cos of the size/lack of flex, but that’s fine as there’s a suitable plug within feet…? Similarly, I prefer working next to a window where there is no plug so I just use an extension cord every day? Wasn’t aware this was any huge inconvenience or marker of being a peasant - must start the crowd funder now!

 

[Mr Krabs]

So, the clothes selling thing is done then? Does she ever commit to anything for more than five minutes? I’m actually finding her quite irritating rather than amusing today.

 

[GoLando]

She has said that it is a fixed term contract, but also said it was a rolling contract. Most UK tenancies are assured shorthold tenancies. These are for a fixed term (6 or 12 months) but can be extended either by signing a new agreement for a further fixed term, or move on to a monthly rolling contract.

I did a time volunteering at Citizen's Advice and basic tenancy information was part of the induction. You also acquired loads of information from the salaried expert staff when you sit in on client consultations.

She is talking absolute bullshit. She has signed another 12 month contract. That is the only way she can't move out for 12 months. There is no other explanation.

Contracts are only binding if the other party holds you to it.

If you want out - ask the landlord. Maybe they are happy to agree early termination so they can get someone in who will pay rent on time? Might even be able to put the rent up if the market has risen significantly. No harm in asking. That wouldn’t play into the story though, would it.

 

[HansThatDoDishes]

I don't know why she's using alcohol free wine when a. she says that it tastes like crap b. it probably shouldn't even be in the house at this stage of her you-know-what and c. she says that brewed tea is a good substitute.

Chicken cooked in cream cheese and tea?

The Reynolds Girls were wrong, I'd rather Fleetwood Mac.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

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A place to store the food- your Fridge/freezer
A place to prep the food- your worktops
A place to cook the food- your oven
A place to oh I’m bored now but you have all these places within your bungalow you absolute prune.

 

[EddieBeds]

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(Four days later)


Talking about mixing bowls :
View attachment 984810

Yawn 🥱. You can find them in the muddy puddle also known as TK Maxx. Often red labelled too for clearance.

Oh and my draining board is to the left, my mums is to the right. Can’t remember about other places I’ve lived. I do hope someone is keeping a tally given our love of counting.

ETA: I’ve now got ‘Stuck in the middle’ as my ear worm:

Draining boards to the left of me!
Dishwashers to the right!
Here I am stuck in the middle with sinks.

 

[karenina]

She keeps going on about how flimsy the shelves are.... Why are you insisting on putting things on them then?! Either add more brackets and make use of them, or take them down and stop creating dust traps

She has spent 45 quid on a set of seven dust traps. Once the grease from cooking gets on the wicker, and the dust sticks to the grease.... won't that be lovely.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Veronicaaa]

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Not sure, so spoilering this one:

Spoiler: TW alcohol

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She's such an idiot, she'll have sat for the byline photo for it specifically to be used as her byline photo, they don't just use file photos for bylines!!

 

[Veronicaaa]

if jack needs her kitchen to be suitable for her work might i suggest she considers prioritising getting an actual working oven? just a thought.

It's hilarious because the one thing she did actually put in the kitchen was the oven, and it's not flush to the worktops and it's against fire regs, as a squig helpfully pointed out during DKL. There's an insta post when she goes on about how she's so THRILLED to be able to design a kitchen for the first time ever, and her contribution seemed to be to put up those shelves she now describes as useless. And the oven.

 

[Atruck]

Draining boards and what they mean to me an essay

I just want to jump in here cos I lurked during a great bin chat and lurk slightly less now during another enthralling to me survey of everyone's everyday with the draining boards.
I'm so pleased so many fraus have them! I thought I was such a fuddy duddy for preferring them (tho sorry if they're a burden for anyone who wishes for worktop grooves. I also like kitchens delineated by walls with cupboards on them so I'm prob 1978 Jack's long lost aunt in terms of tastes)
I'm a cleaner and I've self induced a fuge state picturing past draining boards I've experienced- and the most recent have been left (home so most often) right, right, left, right, right, right, left so though right is a clear majority, it's never something I consciously clock or kneel and wail at the sight of. I'm right handed and a natural born oaf too, but I've never been in any way ruined by what side the draining board was on.
I've used them when cleaning crystal candle sticks, oven door glass, and massive crusted enameled cast iron with no issues (please please spare a prayer for me now I've said that that I haven't cursed my record)

Anyway (I say that like I'm getting to something important- in no way am I!) whenever I used to finish cleaning a particular stainless steel draining board in a galley kitchen, I gave it a little double tap like "sit yourself down pet", and I never really spared the seconds to think why I do that (just thought it was kind of a physical ear worm that randomly generated and repeated there)- and I think it's because this image of the rusty corduroy covered arse resting on a draining board burned some kind of unfortunate imprint in my memory without me realising I only realised I did it when the households pet thought it was an invitation for their paws up there- I kicked a toy in the opp direction and contact was averted but I have to remember to stop myself now.

 

[Veronicaaa]

I am sorry and perhaps right now I am being mean but I looked at her kitchen side again and I think I need to wash my face. My pores feel glogged and it smells like fry ups

Lanie I hate to gross you out any further but when you zoom in on the floor you can see ... well I'm not sure exactly what it is but it looks like rat poo.

 

[Veronicaaa]

She's paying £2k a month. We'll that's what she was paying when she moved in 3 years ago. Probably gone up since then.

This is the self-described anti poverty campaigner who the glossies pay good money to, to give their readers 'budget' advice, lest we forget !

 

[Ispyabudgetbeanblogger]

On the one hand, she's always read recipe books as though they're novels, and on the other, she didn't know what soffritto is until 2017, and seems to be under the impression it's meant to come in the form of a paste. https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2017/01/04/soffritto-19p/

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(I included the 2nd paragraph here simply because she describes herself as a "maverick" in it).

Given soffritto has 5 simple ingredients and the whole point of it is to add depth to dishes, adding lemon juice is UNHINGED.

 

[NomDeGuerre]

I would love it if Jack went on Come Dine with Me. Its the treat we all need. Dave Lamb has such a naturally sarcastic voice, I can just hear it now. "Those lemons are looking a bit passive aggressive there Jack. Call that a roast, the roasts you get on Tattle are better than this. That Béchamel is very runny, are you sure you didn't visit the stables on your way?"

OT but he narrated a programme for toddlers and there was complaints that he sounded sarcastic and flippant. I've seen it and it sounds like he is making an effort not to sound that way but just can't help it

Jack would totally be Peter when (not if) she loses. Imagine if they put her up against Matt or JO.
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Channel 4 have JUST announced Come Dine With Me: The Professionals. DREAMS CAN COME TRUE!

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

Who keeps no cutlery in their kitchen? She's organisationally unwell.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

All this lights on/lights off, going through old clothes, changing rooms... I don't know if I can do it anymore guys, I'm so tired It's a neverending hamster wheel of kitchen makeovers

 

[Shawads]

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sixth form jack.



I love that it's free booze that's made her turn.

Had she not refaced herself as a twelve stepper she'd still be looking forward with pixie glee to her next invite