Jack Monroe #234 A Grifty Kind of Self-Love

All this chat about Ring doorbells is making me think of Mario who may still have his in his flat (no one knows) which already has an intercom entry system.

Love Marion.

Stand down everyone, Southend Constabulary have released CCTV stills of the burglar.



The tory neighbours are shitting themselves, especially in the knowledge that Jack is scampering about at all hours looking for prescription J1g meds in the communal skip.

I did it. I did it for the pizza oven.

MancBee said:

The house opposite has cameras, pointing towards their driveway which would no doubt pick up Jack's driveway, or at least the road in front of her drive.

Jack's garage has an electric rollershutter type door, with a timber side door. There is also a 6ft timer side gate for access to the rear of the property. I would expect this gate to have padlocks knowing that Jack has been burgled before and is seriously concerned about a stalker.

We have all seen the interior of the garage, she posted it on Twitter, including the timber side door, which presumably Jack keeps locked (but I doubt it). They would have to get through the side gate, breaking any locks, then get into the garage via the timber door by breaking the locks (if it were even locked) and use the internal controls to open the rolleshutter door. But any part of that that would make one hell of a racket.

I am in the didn't happen camp.

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Same, babe. It just does not happen - of all the crimes you hear of from friends and neighbours and local community groups ransacking a garage is honestly DHOTYA status.

CPS Frau here (no not THAT CPS) and burglars only ransack properties in an attempt to find jewellery/cash/valuables. When I say properties I mean houses. They also only do this when they either know they have time to do it or they are looking for something specific. Opportunist thieves who tend to do sheds/garages make as little mess and noise as possible and take stuff they can easily pocket/carry or (bikes) get away on. If a crack team of burglars break in to your shed/garage, for the second time in “as many weeks” (that would mean in 2 weeks so this would be the 3rd time cos it was October last time she told us of a burglary) they would be coming back for something specific that they couldn’t get the first/second time. This does happen where there’s something worth going back for. Quite often after Christmas they may have assume that the bikes they stole the first time have been replaced. In my experience most people who have been burgled once are hyper vigilant and security conscious especially for the weeks/months after the first.

So jack has bikes and lawnmower stolen then dumps 40 boxes of personal and important stuff in there.

Maybe the burglars has spotted the Le cruset pans on 1st/2nd sweep and had their eye on them.

Maybe this is a load of old bollocks as per but she didn’t get the attention she desired last time she put out the burglary story and right now has her followers hooked on eye shadow and depression so it’s more potent. DHOTY vote here!

I don't think it happened either to be fair.

She's been on a narc high all week, SB has chosen to ditch her for New Years, the lights be flickering....

There's just so much here that doesn't add up at all. She's been ramping up for a chaos and this afternoon, has been throwing out the bait lines for attention. When all is not well with Jack, she reacts by getting more and more desperate for attention from whoever it is that isn't noticing.

Anyway, some evening entertainment from an old friend

Veronicaaa said:

I did it. I did it for the pizza oven.

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You are going to need a court outfit. May I suggest:


In lieu of a kumquat, Jack of course will be sporting this one.

To some extent I don’t care if it’s true or not, I have total compassion fatigue forJack at this point. Not sure I care who did her bleach job but I can see breakage coming, it’s fried.
Also, Jack presumably got her Mediterranean Arse from grandad, so all is not lost.
If any ninnies want to hang out later I’m going to be around on the F&D threads talking shite.

I hope her grandad's framed print wasn't in the garage.

Wasn’t me, I swear…

Marmalade Atkins said:

I hope her grandad's framed print wasn't in the garage.

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It looks like the lassie has pears for a pair. A reference to any of Jack's pear monstrosities?

Boyo said:

Wasn’t me, I swear…

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Ooo shit! Someone has certainly had enough!

Boyo said:

Wasn’t me, I swear…

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Where was this posted? God that’s not even 10% of it though is it!! Alternative History

FFS, I'm at work grunking, and i'm allowed to leave early but the drama.............I can't tear myself away!

National Treasure my arse! She is a gobby, stereotyping charlatan who cons people for their hard earned cash.

I picked the right night to stay in alone with a takeaway (orders popcorn)

MancBee said:

The house opposite has cameras, pointing towards their driveway which would no doubt pick up Jack's driveway, or at least the road in front of her drive.

Jack's garage has an electric rollershutter type door, with a timber side door. There is also a 6ft timber side gate for access to the rear of the property. I would expect this gate to have padlocks knowing that Jack has been burgled before and is seriously concerned about a stalker.

We have all seen the interior of the garage, she posted it on Twitter, including the timber side door, which presumably Jack keeps locked (but I doubt it).

They would have to get through the side gate, breaking any locks, then get into the garage via the timber door by breaking the locks (if it were even locked) and use the internal controls to open the rolleshutter door. But any part of that that would make one hell of a racket.

I am in the didn't happen camp.

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Seem to remember that Jack has cameras on her property too. They got a mention when we couldn't understand how she could not know who delivered the doorstep soap.

FlirtyThirty said:

Where was this posted? God that’s not even 10% of it though is it!! Alternative History

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Twitter. Responder has been on there since Oct ‘21 but has low followers/following numbers.

She's probably got drunk, ransacked the garage and can't remember doing it.
Where was the housemate in all of this?