Jack Monroe #234 A Grifty Kind of Self-Love

[meowquiz]

Was the vet in the last 48 hours?

It was, on the 29th. This is a really good point. I desperately hope the kitten is okay, but she did pick another one of the least-healthy kittens (who also looked a bit off in photos) from an irresponsible backyard breeder with a track record of issues.

I also hate to defend Jack, but impromptu at-home hairdyeing doesn't scream "faking depression" to me. If something very bad has happened, desperately looking for control via changing your hair (something you CAN control) is really common. I also use the same bleach brand she tried and regularly get to white-blonde at home. It looks a bit too even for a first-time bleach, but it's plausible to me.

 

[Mr Krabs]

It's the kind of thing you do when your 'meds' make you feel a bit speedy.

 

[SlopAmbsase]

 

[Sideboard Bob]

As always, here’s Jack in her mask!

 

[Cucumberthunder]

As always, here’s Jack in her mask!

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Purple quality street

 

[SlopAmbsase]

As always, here’s Jack in her mask!

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This is just what I feared. Be gone from here, Jack, we will NOT protect you from HMRC, we support fair taxation.

 

[Veronicaaa]

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Saag aloo SOUP? Why does she have to liquidise EVERYTHING??

 

[Walkdengirl]

Sorry, on a grunk. We have been very poor, but i have insurance.

Buildings and contents for our house is about 150 quid for the year for both, so the price of a few bits of spendy make up

 

[Eurgh]

If the box of fan mail was taken do you think she’ll put out one of her Twitter requests for more?

 

[Flivver]

She really is the most unlucky of people. Daily dramas. It’s exhausting. Hope she arranged insurance after the October break-in. She obviously didn’t upgrade the locks on the shed/garage. All those lever-arch folders, ransacked.

I hope everybody has their alibis ready for Essex Police. I’ve been eating leftover cheese all day in my non-crappy abode. No witnesses other than the dog who has been on drool duty. She’s likes a bit of Brie on a water biscuit.

 

[MancBee]

Oooo I look rather dashing in my new masquerade mask. It fits almost perfectly.


Prefer a hat though.

 

[Mel Donte]

Oh no, your shed and/or garage has been burgled! Do you:

A. File a police report, get contents insurance, improve the security of your outbuildings.

B. Fill said buildings with irreplaceable personal items and continue to tell Twitter whenever you leave the house.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

HMRC are not going to buy this burglary bollocks.

If she really did get burgled then it's her own fault. Pictures on a public account of her external locks, windows and identifying features. Stating online when she is leaving the house. No security. Photos of expensive furniture and tech. All this while having a stalker. What a twit.

Spoiler: Sensitive/Upsetting

Or she was genuinely burgled because she really is a heavy J1g user and has pissed off the dealer
Dash is dead because Jack is a neglectful bleep I wish a squiggle would remember him and ask about him.
She needs help because she is self destructive and destructive to her pets and family. I understand how hard it is to confront a narc and get them to see their own problems but someone in her family needs to step up, especially if drugs are involved.

 

[Captainmouse]

Oh no, your shed and/or garage has been burgled! Do you:

A. File a police report, get contents insurance, improve the security of your outbuildings.

B. Fill said buildings with irreplaceable personal items and continue to tell Twitter whenever you leave the house.

Are you
A. Normal person?
B. Mackie?

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Pictures or it didn’t happen. Absolutely none of the story adds up, I can only imagine she thinks Essex Police come from the Mr Bean school of policing.

1) Where was Dash when this happened?
2) Why hasn’t she posted a sadfishing photo of her face or the damage?
3) If it was worth so much, why wasn’t it stored in her house?
4) Why is she relying on neighbours with Ring doorbells rather than the security cameras she had installed?
5) Why would burglars be interested in old recipes and pieces of paper?
6) Why didn’t the burglars back off when they saw the big light on as Jack was awake all night ‘box dying’ her hair?
7) Where was SB during the incident? How is he following it?
8) Why was her first thought to tweet rather than police report?

*Insert @kachoochoo ‘s Who bleeping knows*

Jack needs serious intervention for the compulsive lying. The burglary didn’t happen, it’s a new year tip jar rattle rattle and I hope to god Essex police actually investigate this.

Don’t get me started on ‘I don’t want to trouble anyone for help’. Absolute bollocks.

 

[SarcasticEllis]

Google “burglary before tax return” it’s up in the government website on the list of reasonable excuses. Yes, I’m cynical. No, I’m not about to apologise.

Well it would explain her remark about press cuttings, recipes etc going missing, if they’ve seemingly nicked paperwork she can easily say it included relevant financial documents

 

[Saint_clemmie]

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What are the chances that her house has been targeted but no one else’s on her street?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

4 pages behind but she’s actually unhinged for suggesting it’s tattle?

There’s no way neighbours in houses of that size don’t have alarms or cameras that can disprove what’s gone on. And we have a v similar garage linked up to our home security alarm, with cctv, and motion lighting and still don’t leave anything of value in it? She’s living like a slovenly student in her 30s

 

[Emmapism]

Yeah my alibi is:

I don't care
I don't live near you
I'm not the bleeping Hamburglar
Again I cannot emphasize enough how little I care about your grimy stuff Jack