Jack Monroe #206 I wouldn’t trust her with a spam fritter

[Pocahontas]

It’s like Lingreenie all over again. Someone alert Eamonn.

 

[LavaFlake]

...

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

If that knife really is that expensive, it could have been a gift or a charity shop find? I only check this thread very occasionally but I have some expensive items in my house that I just kind of got lucky finding. I definitely didn't pay full price for any of my more expensive belongings.

or… she’s an inveterate spender who’s made a career lying about being poor?

I know which I find more likely.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Hit the metaphorical rocky road Jack
and don't you come back
no more, no more, no more, no more

Edit: seriously, do your flippin accounts.

 

[colouredlines]

Jack celebrates her son's first day at school with...a random, unrelated photo of herself!

Jack celebrates a fun night out with friends with...a random, unrelated photo of herself!

Are we witnessing a new trend?

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I didn't know about any of that. Is it all on the wiki with sources?

It probably is, the wiki covers so much, and it’s all so well explained, with sources for everything.
Please do have a read of it when you have a chance, it will answer so many of your questions.
The majority of people here are SO kind and empathetic, and like you a lot of us gave Jack the benefit of the doubt, until we realised what she’s really like.

 

[PortiaControl]

Oh, I would LOVE Jack's pics to come with a description for people with screen readers.

Photo: a dirty metal pot containing mysterious brown slop. No individual ingredients can be distinguished except a practically raw egg that has been placed on top and covered with black pepper. An expensive but tarnished spoon is half-submerged in the sludge. The pot is being clutched in two hands, featuring inexpertly-drawn tattoos and grimy nails.

Oh my days NEW GAME, NEW GAME!!! The cabal selects their favourite Jack posts and does image descriptions for them. Someone do Mary Poppins please!

 

[bowiethesdmn]

Does anyone have a theory regarding the switch to Instagram?

Instagram has a 'lighter vibe' to it imo, not as easy to get the wrong end of the stick and boot off over nothing.

I bought some Linda McCartney mozzarella burgers earlier because they're lovely, but I'd like to point out that I made this purchase despite Jack's incredibly successful advertising campaign.

eta: now I've got the giggles over the Viggles again. Fucking loved how they kept popping up just when Jack must have thought they'd given up.

 

[colouredlines]

The bullying parent-governor may be my favourite fictional character. Imagine her parents:

"Our gifted and talented daughter is reading at a higher level than her class. Shall we speak to her teacher about it, so she doesn't get bored?"

"Nah, let's just tell a random governor. Oooh, why not the one from up the road, he's got a reputation for being a raging dickhead."

 

[DinosaurSenior]

A sad looking woman squints at the camera, like a beady eyed mallard. She is attempting to hold one eye shut. The aforementioned eye has a coating of badly applied shimmery makeup

 

[Veronicaaa]

Allegra’s kitchen scares the shite out of me. I’m hardly Marie Kondo but you could ditch a good 40% of that clutter and still not see any work surface.

It's the way Jack's just shamelessly stolen Allegra's aesthetic (check out the utensils hanging from the window and the magnetic spice containers on the fridge, not to mention the hanging knives) and then later on pretended like it's all her own smol pixie puppy brained idea. Not an ounce of originality in her.

 

[waffle maker]

There is some food on a table or sideboard. Although it is Christmas there is a small shrivelled chicken and no roast potatoes. The vegetables are overcooked and it is not festive.

 

[kachoochoo]

an alt description for general usage

a filthy, tarnished, expensive spoon is immersed in an alarming melée of foodstuffs that have been combined in an inexplicable manner. the receptacle of said foodstuffs may or may not be encircled by mucky paws. the caption reads "oooft. that'll do"

 

[Oxford_Girl]

Impulsive spending is part of ADHD, so perhaps she treated herself with one of her book advances? I think she might be traumatised by when she was poor so she still has the mindset of someone living in poverty, and that's what comes across when she chooses to do things the long way for the sake of a few ££s. I'm inclined to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, to a point.

Jack didn’t grow up poor if you read her first book she refers to selling her Omega watch that was a 21st birthday gift from her parents she did not have a poor or even working class upbringing

She grew up comfortably middle class with ballet lessons her mother driving a navy Range Rover living in a 5 bed house

There’s no shame in being brought up as she was unless it doesn’t fit ‘the can’t afford butter grift”

 

[Boyo]

View attachment 760540

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(Can someone else screenshot the text, please? )

Y’know what grinds my corn? The fact she can’t just have a nice, fun night out. It has to be over-performative. Her sides have to literally hurt from laughing cos she’s had more fun than anyone. Ever. Jee-zuz.

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Someone alert the Italians. It’s jollof rice all over again!

It’s not cacio e pepe if you’ve stuck loads of other shit in it, Jack. Just, for once, do something classic without bastardising it, I beg you.

Christ.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Can you imagine the group chat that Jack wasn’t invited in before the meal?
“Who’s sitting next to Jack?”
“Not me”
“Me neither”
“Well someone has to”
“No”
“Diane will you? I’ll pay for your starter”
“I sit next to her at the group you do it”
And eventually some poor soul who has to be back for the babysitter at half 8 takes one for the team and offers on the terms of getting their meal paid for and they’re ordering the most expensive food on the menu.

 

[Boyo]

There is a tv presenter in shot. He is holding a fork with something on it. It is assumed he is at theatre school because he’s not yet skilled at convincing anyone that the fork is going to go in his mouth. He looks haunted.

 

[Silver Linings]

Title by @Lizzie Mintdrop nommed by @Switchstreetz

Jack has been fairly quiet the last few days, aside from posting a year old video of Dash the rabbit which lasted less than 24 hours.

Jack is spending her saturday night stabbing biscuits.

Spoiler: Housekeeping

Please use the words ‘thread title’ (two separate words) when making a bid for one as it makes it easier to search. Also, try to hold off to the latter part of the thread if possible (after post #500). And remember - no swears are allowed.



There is a thread in the off topic forum called Food and Drink where off topic chat is encouraged if / when Jack is quiet.



New to Jack? Have a look at the wiki.

 

[EddieBeds]

ETA text since that font is so hard to read -

”The gold glitter spray I use on everything - cakes, hot chocolate, smoothie bowls, bread, desserts, anything that needs some sparkle - is this from Asda, it’s £3.25, alcohol free, and lasts for ages. (Not a as, I just get asked a lot!)”

View attachment 758327

Hi Jack

Thanks for responding to my comment about not having any gold spray for the pancakes I posted on the previous thread. So kind that you thought I was asking where it was from - I wasn’t. I don’t need gold spray to make my food sparkle as it’s edible in the first place. As others have said Jack, you can’t glitter a turd.

As you’re so obviously reading here - stop robbing people of their hard earned cash, close down the patreon and do your accounts. Oh and for all our sakes stop lying.

But mega bantz that you sent a friend to try and defend you. If you need a reminder you can read your own wiki for the receipts. In your own words, now fuck off.