Jack Monroe #195 She basically writes fan-fiction about herself

Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
One Sunday dawn young Lambton went
Sad-fishing' on twit-eer;
And catched some slop upon his hook,
He thought looked rather queer.
What kind of frozen fish it was
Young Lambton couldn't tell.
He was far too BUSY to carry it hyem,
So he hoyed it down a well.

SHAN'T! Lads, shut your gobs,
I'll tell yous all an awful story
SHAN'T! Lads, shut your gobs,
I'll tell yous aboot the slop.

Now Lambton felt inclined to go
And see his second or third home
he joined a group of blue ticks who
ignored quarantine to roam
And off he went to Edinburgh
Celery armies he did fell,
And very soon forgot about
The strange slop in the well.

But the slop got big and growed and' growed
And growed an awful size;
With great big teeth, a great big gob,
And great big goggle eyes.
And when at night he crawled about
To kick you in the shins
If he felt hungry upon the road,
He'd eat livers from Jack's bin

View attachment 628103
Illustrations alone cannot do justice to the epic battle, which I'm told ended with Lambton's noble steed finishing the beast, declaring "never again shall you demean me in your quest for a lasagna sauce"
Oh, I love this so much! I had a book with the Lambton worm story given to me by my Grandma Mac. Great memories and now I have the updated, hilarious version 🔥😂❤
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 17
One Sunday dawn young Lambton went
Sad-fishing' on twit-eer;
And catched some slop upon his hook,
He thought looked rather queer.
What kind of frozen fish it was
Young Lambton couldn't tell.
He was far too BUSY to carry it hyem,
So he hoyed it down a well.

SHAN'T! Lads, shut your gobs,
I'll tell yous all an awful story
SHAN'T! Lads, shut your gobs,
I'll tell yous aboot the slop.

Now Lambton felt inclined to go
And see his second or third home
he joined a group of blue ticks who
ignored quarantine to roam
And off he went to Edinburgh
Celery armies he did fell,
And very soon forgot about
The strange slop in the well.

But the slop got big and growed and' growed
And growed an awful size;
With great big teeth, a great big gob,
And great big goggle eyes.
And when at night he crawled about
To kick you in the shins
If he felt hungry upon the road,
He'd eat livers from Jack's bin

View attachment 628103
Illustrations alone cannot do justice to the epic battle, which I'm told ended with Lambton's noble steed finishing the beast, declaring "never again shall you demean me in your quest for a lasagna sauce"
 
  • Haha
  • Heart
  • Like
Reactions: 26
well, the lambton worm was the last thing I ever expected to turn up here! 🤣

there's also the essex serpent for jack so she doesn't feel left out!
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 28
One Sunday dawn young Lambton went
Sad-fishing' on twit-eer;
And catched some slop upon his hook,
He thought looked rather queer.
What kind of frozen fish it was
Young Lambton couldn't tell.
He was far too BUSY to carry it hyem,
So he hoyed it down a well.

SHAN'T! Lads, shut your gobs,
I'll tell yous all an awful story
SHAN'T! Lads, shut your gobs,
I'll tell yous aboot the slop.

Now Lambton felt inclined to go
And see his second or third home
he joined a group of blue ticks who
ignored quarantine to roam
And off he went to Edinburgh
Celery armies he did fell,
And very soon forgot about
The strange slop in the well.

But the slop got big and growed and' growed
And growed an awful size;
With great big teeth, a great big gob,
And great big goggle eyes.
And when at night he crawled about
To kick you in the shins
If he felt hungry upon the road,
He'd eat livers from Jack's bin

View attachment 628103
Illustrations alone cannot do justice to the epic battle, which I'm told ended with Lambton's noble steed finishing the beast, declaring "never again shall you demean me in your quest for a lasagna sauce"
That is the one I want as a thread title 😂
(I know it’s too early)
@Vanelope's a bad influence, that's the only reason I am suggesting 'You know, I'm something of a poor myself' as a thread title at this early stage in proceedings.
well, the lambton worm was the last thing I ever expected to turn up here! 🤣

there's also the essex serpent for jack so she doesn't feel left out!

If we are talking thread titles, is anyone talented enough to take Switchstreetz's lead and pen a #196 SHE SHAN'TY to mark the anniversary on Thursday?

 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 51
If we are talking thread titles, is anyone talented enough to take Switchstreetz's lead and pen a #196 SHE SHAN'TY to mark the anniversary on Thursday?

A lot has happened in one year - said shanty would be the mother of all shanties. And seeing as they were traditionally songs to accompany hard labour on the high seas, perhaps the irony will be too much.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 36
There once was a Jack that put to sea
The name of the ship was the Bucket of Tea
The winds blew up, her bow dipped down
O blow, my bully boys, blow (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go

She'd not been three weeks offline
When down came a collab, just in time
The fraus called all hands and they swore
They'd take that grift in tow (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da

Before the slumlord's sad granddaughter
The rat's tail came up alongside and caught her
Arthritic hands to the side, boarded and fought her
Then she decided to go (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


No recipes cut, no land chicken freed
The Cabal's mind was on her greed
But we belonged to the whaleman's creed
We took that ship in tow (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da

For forty days, or even more
The tweets went slack, then tight once more
All Patreons lost, there were only four
But still that grifter did go (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


As far as I've heard, the grift's still on
Poverty no' cut and the sideboards' no' gone
Then Manc Bee makes his regular call
To encourage our Poca, Cabal, and all (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go

To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go
 
  • Heart
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 91
There once was a Jack that put to sea
The name of the ship was the Bucket of Tea
The winds blew up, her bow dipped down
O blow, my bully boys, blow (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go

She'd not been three weeks offline
When down came a collab, just in time
The fraus called all hands and they swore
They'd take that grift in tow (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da

Before the slumlord's sad granddaughter
The rat's tail came up alongside and caught her
Arthritic hands to the side, boarded and fought her
Then she decided to go (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


No recipes cut, no land chicken freed
The Cabal's mind was on her greed
But we belonged to the whaleman's creed
We took that ship in tow (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da

For forty days, or even more
The tweets went slack, then tight once more
All Patreons lost, there were only four
But still that grifter did go (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


As far as I've heard, the grift's still on
Poverty no' cut and the sideboards' no' gone
Then Manc Bee makes his regular call
To encourage our Poca, Cabal, and all (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go

To bring us sugar and tea and rum
One day, when the tonguin' is done
We'll take our leave and go



I can't pick a favourite bit. It's all my favourite.

If this doesn't prompt a tweet from Jack then I don't know what will
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 32
Having a few days away with Mrs ST at our holiday home. Popped to the lovely bar across the road & sat down with a well deserved pint then heard "Pulp: Common People" had a chuckle then wandered home. It was at this point I remembered the make of my oven.
All I can say is, I'm very, very sorry.
Mrs ST is crying & the Onion Police are on their way.
Do I now pop up a link to a begging site or what?
Cheers.

View attachment 627861
That apartment looks good for my well-being ST!!
 
  • Like
  • Haha
  • Heart
Reactions: 22
There once was a Jack that put to sea
The name of the ship was the Bucket of Tea
The winds blew up, her bow dipped down
O blow, my bully boys, blow (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go

She'd not been three weeks offline
When down came a collab, just in time
The fraus called all hands and they swore
They'd take that grift in tow (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da

Before the slumlord's sad granddaughter
The rat's tail came up alongside and caught her
Arthritic hands to the side, boarded and fought her
Then she decided to go (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


No recipes cut, no land chicken freed
The Cabal's mind was on her greed
But we belonged to the whaleman's creed
We took that ship in tow (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da

For forty days, or even more
The tweets went slack, then tight once more
All Patreons lost, there were only four
But still that grifter did go (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


As far as I've heard, the grift's still on
Poverty no' cut and the sideboards' no' gone
Then Manc Bee makes his regular call
To encourage our Poca, Cabal, and all (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go

To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go
The album really will cover all musical genres.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 38
Very novice twitter frau, even though I'm the twitter expert at work so always welcome a lesson. Me being "the expert" says more about their knowledge than it does mine 😂
If you can 'do a Twitter' then you're considered a social media expert. Just throw around words like metrics and analytics and you'll be crowned a social media qween. 👑

I like to imagine she thinks she can starve the thread and end it altogether. But she hasn't reckoned with the fact that we now all just like chatting with each other 🤷😂
This is the thread where we count teeth and chairs. Nobody can stop us!
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 32
If you can 'do a Twitter' then you're considered a social media expert. Just throw around words like metrics and analytics and you'll be crowned a social media qween. 👑



This is the thread where we count teeth and chairs. Nobody can stop us!
Words like mendacious?
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 23
We only count things Jack seems to have a lot of. And we list things for future reference
- number of alleged house moves
- number of times thousands of pounds taken/stolen/extorted from JM
- jaccidental injuries
- illness, disease, disabilities and owies
- things that Jack is doing right away/coming soons
-monitoring of deadlines

That’s basically our job description
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 30
There once was a Jack that put to sea
The name of the ship was the Bucket of Tea
The winds blew up, her bow dipped down
O blow, my bully boys, blow (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go

She'd not been three weeks offline
When down came a collab, just in time
The fraus called all hands and they swore
They'd take that grift in tow (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da

Before the slumlord's sad granddaughter
The rat's tail came up alongside and caught her
Arthritic hands to the side, boarded and fought her
Then she decided to go (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


No recipes cut, no land chicken freed
The Cabal's mind was on her greed
But we belonged to the whaleman's creed
We took that ship in tow (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da, da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da

For forty days, or even more
The tweets went slack, then tight once more
All Patreons lost, there were only four
But still that grifter did go (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go


As far as I've heard, the grift's still on
Poverty no' cut and the sideboards' no' gone
Then Manc Bee makes his regular call
To encourage our Poca, Cabal, and all (Huh!)

Soon may the Cabal come
To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go

To bring us sugar and tea - no rum
One day, when the griftin' is done
We'll take our leave and go
I honestly thought the challenge of a Sea Shan’ty might finally grind these threads to a halt for a while. We’d go silent for 24 hours trying to come up with something, then sheepishly return, realising that although the cabal spans the whole globe, none of us are at sea and we’d have to admit defeat.
Long story short, you are a genius 🐉
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 42
Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.