Jack Monroe #195 She basically writes fan-fiction about herself

[FunnyFuneral]

Enjoy!

I do not recommend, this was not a treat. Jack standing in her "I've just pissed myself " legs akimbo power stance wittering on nasally about how scared she is for aaaaages followed by a pretty wanky bit of singing.
TERRIBLE.
(Mr FF stayed up later than expected so i had to wait until he was snoring in front of the kicky ball just now to sneak a look at it. Dire)

 

[Captainmouse]

Some hotels are having none of it

 

[SweetTransvestite]

Having a few days away with Mrs ST at our holiday home. Popped to the lovely bar across the road & sat down with a well deserved pint then heard "Pulp: Common People" had a chuckle then wandered home. It was at this point I remembered the make of my oven.
All I can say is, I'm very, very sorry.
Mrs ST is crying & the Onion Police are on their way.
Do I now pop up a link to a begging site or what?
Cheers.

 

[Dogmuck]

Could the decline in followers be twitter deleting accounts or people deactivating?

They are her follows, the people she is following and obviously unfollowing (would love to know who’s she’s dumping), not her followers. So she has to actively add and delete them. The decline in followers is just a natural consequence of her not posting but it’s interesting that she gained 9 the other day despite not posting. I suspect they are probably connected to the people she has followed!
duck can I use the word follow more often in one sentence? Am I jack?

Having a few days away with Mrs ST at our holiday home. Popped to the lovely bar across the road & sat down with a well deserved pint then heard "Pulp: Common People" had a chuckle then wandered home. It was at this point I remembered the make of my oven.
All I can say is, I'm very, very sorry.
Mrs ST is crying & the Onion Police are on their way.
Do I now pop up a link to a begging site or what?
Cheers.

View attachment 627861

Wow that place looks

 

[Captainmouse]

I saw this and thought of a certain smol pixie

 

[FlashBoof]

Some hotels are having none of it

View attachment 627870

Wish I could like this response twice. It shouldn’t even need saying right now but clearly it does. I hope all hospitality does this. As someone who has done more than a fair share of toil in that sector, with the COVID restrictions, Brexit issues and supply/demand tightrope walking on stock levels at the moment, the last thing they need is freeloading wankers with emoji riddled begging requests.

 

[PortiaControl]

Dear heart Alan I amn't @PortiaControl but may I offer you this beautiful still image?

View attachment 627768

Oh dear heart! I think I love you Thanks for adding the pins

 

[phoebuscartel]

Favourite things about Landslide:

The maverick key change (up half a semitone)

The breath chaos (taking a breath IN THE MIDDLE OF A WORD)

 

[Brian Butterfield]

I just want to pop in and say 'thank(space)you' to whoever it was (I think @Brian Butterfield ) who recommended the social blade counter thingy.
It has been a joy to watch her followers deplete in real time!

'Twas me!

It will do the opposite and give you the proper rage if you ever see it zooming up though confirming my theory that the majority of people (particularly on social media) are dumber than a box of hair.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

If someone is managing her Twitter why don’t they suggest she posts about food (or what she presents as food) ya’know being a ‘food writer’ it would be kinda appropriate.
instead of her rearranging furniture. But of course we know she hates food and cooking but you think there would be some attempt to ‘stay on brand’ or whatever. I find the whole thing bizarre.
Maybe she is on a media training course.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

I think her brand is truly dead tbh. She got so contradictory in her statements and actions that she had to turn off comments on almost everything she posts. The Linda collab was the kiss of death after she'd spent the year waxing lyrical about eyehole and hole sausages. She's always loved a bit of outrage marketing but went too far with that one I think

 

[Veronicaaa]

I think her brand is truly dead tbh.

I think the absolutely TERRIBLE example of the pages of her newest book (with the plughole hair and rusty tins with holes in them) confirms this, if nothing else. Perhaps her long-suffering publisher has finally had enough. Still can't believe she shared that on twitter, apparently with pride? Beggars belief.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

The drain hair book seems such a long time ago now

eta: she needs to hurry up cos I'm running out of space to keep mine

 

[Pocahontas]

Personally, I’ve got bags of tumble dryer fluff coming out the wazoo.
#yepihaveatumbledryer

 

[phoebuscartel]

You're not supposed to keep it in your wazoo Poca

 

[Pocahontas]

You're not supposed to keep it in your wazoo Poca

See, that’s why I need the book published!

 

[onlysunshine]

They are her follows, the people she is following and obviously unfollowing (would love to know who’s she’s dumping), not her followers. So she has to actively add and delete them. The decline in followers is just a natural consequence of her not posting but it’s interesting that she gained 9 the other day despite not posting. I suspect they are probably connected to the people she has followed!
duck can I use the word follow more often in one sentence? Am I jack?


Wow that place looks

Ahhh see I wondered if people she was following deactivated or were, for some reason, deleted by twitter (it probably doesn't happen that often but I could imagine if it does, she's following them), then it would affect her following count.

Very novice twitter frau, even though I'm the twitter expert at work so always welcome a lesson. Me being "the expert" says more about their knowledge than it does mine

 

[fauxpoor]

They are her follows, the people she is following and obviously unfollowing (would love to know who’s she’s dumping), not her followers. So she has to actively add and delete them. The decline in followers is just a natural consequence of her not posting but it’s interesting that she gained 9 the other day despite not posting. I suspect they are probably connected to the people she has followed!
duck can I use the word follow more often in one sentence? Am I jack?


Wow that place looks

Interesting. So Jack is ON twitter each day following/unfollowing yet is resisting the urge
to possit her slow cooked slopathon whilst she's at it?
I am shooketh!

I still think the not so small boy is with his dad and she is trying to work out how to
still be a grifting shyster without a small boy to use for the begs/pov

 

[Switchstreetz]

Glaikit! Love all the Scots words that come out. Saw wheesht the other day as well. Which reminds me of whisht lads had yer gobs and I try to think how much of the Lambton worm I remember.

One Sunday dawn young Lambton went
Sad-fishing' on twit-eer;
And catched some slop upon his hook,
He thought looked rather queer.
What kind of frozen fish it was
Young Lambton couldn't tell.
He was far too BUSY to carry it hyem,
So he hoyed it down a well.

SHAN'T! Lads, shut your gobs,
I'll tell yous all an awful story
SHAN'T! Lads, shut your gobs,
I'll tell yous aboot the slop.

Now Lambton felt inclined to go
And see his second or third home
he joined a group of blue ticks who
ignored quarantine to roam
And off he went to Edinburgh
Celery armies he did fell,
And very soon forgot about
The strange slop in the well.

But the slop got big and growed and' growed
And growed an awful size;
With great big teeth, a great big gob,
And great big goggle eyes.
And when at night he crawled about
To kick you in the shins
If he felt hungry upon the road,
He'd eat livers from Jack's bin

Illustrations alone cannot do justice to the epic battle, which I'm told ended with Lambton's noble steed finishing the beast, declaring "never again shall you demean me in your quest for a lasagna sauce"

 

[Emmapism]

I like to imagine she thinks she can starve the thread and end it altogether. But she hasn't reckoned with the fact that we now all just like chatting with each other