Jack Monroe #195 She basically writes fan-fiction about herself

[kachoochoo]

just prepping some hats for tomorrow

 

[FlashBoof]

Can’t eat that many scones? What is wrong with people? An entire tub of clotted cream will do two scones, tops.

*pats belly*

Clotted cream is a food of the gods. I would sooner eat it with a spoon than dump it in a curry. Plus, if kept in a fridge, cream is very forgiving of its date and I often use it way past after a little taste to make sure it isn’t sour!

So her account is private
Well well.
I wonder what line she span the glamping place to make them bite. It is utterly shameless when companies have been on their knees for about a year and a half. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.
I also fail to see the point of her 'review' - as now UK holiday holiday destinations are getting incredibly booked up so she isn't really doing them any favours - just blocking paying customers. Yes the company may have been gullible but she is the one at fault here imo.

Of course, it’s Hatties grifting at fault. I imagine hearing from a “premium brand specialist” PR company and being promised acres of national coverage would be very persuasive. Problem is, the PR company is barely three months old, flogs tat and dubious products. The journalist is a swindler that’s sat on £15k worth of Kickstarter money for a book that’s less likely than any of mine to get published, and her “magazine” is an internet page that probably doesn’t scrape into double digit visitor hits most days. Her biggest platform going private is just icing on the cake, really.

Another lesson learnt and another reason to pat Tattle on the back. These people are the new travelling caravans selling snake oil with dancing ladies and shills in the crowd espousing how wonderful the oil is.

 

[ChampagneBox]

Well we all know how it will go:
'There is a corner of the internet called Tattle Life where people, mainly women, gather to criticise and mock influencers and celebrities. Tattle Life is a 'hate site' and it seems nothing is off limits and there is no moderating.
I reached out to admins to give their side of the story but received no reply. I also asked posters for a comment, but mostly they are all too intimidated to speak out. One previous member however did contact me to say she was ashamed of herself posting on Tattle Life and had got carried away. She was too scared to post anything positive about influencers as it was an automatic ban if that happened.... ' and blah blah blah so it goes on.

Me looking for my guilt of being a tattle troll:

 

[Pocahontas]

You're not supposed to keep it in your wazoo Poca

See, that’s why I need the book published!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Let us not forget the forensic study of Jack's weight-based feats including the carrying of a 93kg sideboard, the dragging of a 70kg sideboard up a spiral staircase, bench pressing the Queen and doing an unspecified exercise with two tins of beans. For future reference in case we start counting sideboards I don't have a single one. I myself am a sideboard in name only.

 

[Silver Linings]

Good thinking to take ‘mostly plant based’ out of the bio before the bone marrow bolognese is published. Bloody dogfood.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Why hurt the small business financially and insult your audience by doing a review that's not impartial? Oh yeah, it's because they're entirely lacking in any sort of integrity. Shameless is absolutely spot on, @FlashBoof dear heart.

I don't get that either. Surely the best travel reviews are by people who stay incognito? And pay? Fishing for a free holiday by saying it will get a good writeup in her blog seems utterly pointless (for everyone apart from her).

 

[Hollaaa]

Went right off Toni and Guy after a stylist burnt my scalp - he was chatting to a mate and not paying enough attention while drying my hair.

I went off T&G when my then-flatmate took a shine to one of their junior stylists who turned out to be a bit of a goer and I had 6 months left on my lease to overhear them having enthusiastic threesomes with random guys from the pub.

Does everyone have a T&G story? It feels like getting a terrible haircut there is a rite of passage.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Also, where's the scheduled recipes? All she seems to use twitter for these days is posting selfies. Dread to think of the last time she posted any new content on her website. It's like she's just given up cooking altogether. Which is fine by me x

This is what I can’t understand, like what work is there on the horizon for her? She’s undoubtedly had a great innings with the pandemic but she’s had no repeat bookings out of it and we’ve seen her spend money like water during that time so it’s fair to assume she’s going to need to return to work at some point.

Although not to forget the Patreon cash. Taking her current 310 subs, assuming a v conservative blended avg sub of £6 pcm & deducting a hefty 10% platform fee that’s £1.7k pcm for just existing.

 

[Vanelope]

One photo
A gazillion recipe ideas
Nothing remotely appetising

a triumph Fraus, this will keep us going for weeks

 

[Hollaaa]

The video clip is 6.26 minutes long, and she sings for precisely 2 minutes. So 4.26 minutes waffling on about shit and nonsense and 2 minutes doing what the video clip is supposed to be. The clip is titled Landslide (cover, a capella), yet she devoted twice the time taking about herself than she did singing the song.

Mind you, I am not sure which part was worse, the waffle or the singing.

Same formula as Jack's recipes. 70% self-obsessed waffle, 25% other people's work, repackaged beyond recognition, 5% chaos.

 

[Carmina-Piranha]

Grunking but no.
No.
No.
No.

 

[colouredlines]

The more I learn about the Breakdown the more I don’t blame Jack for staying the hell away (she should never have accepted the position of writing monthly for them though).

As an actual severe depressive* and music lover I couldn’t resist checking out that list. Here it is if anyone else is curious, so we don’t give them the clicks. I’m shocked that a certain cover of Landslide isn’t included.

(*edited to add. I’m not mentioning the depression thing in a sad-fishing way, I just love that it gives me a legitimate reason/perspective to dismiss everything Hat*ies’s magazine is about ).

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This is so, SO grotesquely offensive to people who struggle with depression. My god.

(It's also really badly written. More missing capital leaders - "Harry styles" - missing formatting on one song title, "covey" in the last line, the weird way some songs get a single sentence and others a couple of paragraphs...how the hell is this being presented as professional journalism?)

PS Jack looks like a cockatoo from one angle and an edgy teen from 2004 in the other. Not her worst look ever, mind!

 

[Lisbon]

Snazzy new hair, eh?

 

[kachoochoo]

maybe the aparthotel stay is for a review for the breakdown?

 

[HotesTilaire]

The more I look at the tongue photo the more confused I get.

What does it mean?!

Well Orphy B, it means that despite taking no clothes on this trip and packing a bag full of camera tripods and assorted photography ephemera ol’Mackie didn’t bother to use the timer function, instead using an iPad operated by pressing on the screen with their tongue. We know this because Mackie was using the camera tripod and timer and equipment for candid “behind the scenes” pics of themself.
Then Fack accidentally uploaded the wrong one, Mary MARM was quick enough to snap it and needless to say, the cabal had the first, middle and last laugh

 

[Vanelope]

You're not supposed to keep it in your wazoo Poca

That is the one I want as a thread title
(I know it’s too early)

 

[Pocahontas]

Personally, I’ve got bags of tumble dryer fluff coming out the wazoo.
#yepihaveatumbledryer

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Maybe she's finally taken all those Pay Pal donations and has gone on a TV presenting crash course and we'll all be laughing on the other side of our faces when she arrives back with a new cookery programme on prime time telly - not even budget style - and it's a big hit and she ends up on the cover of Vogue with an accompanying article about how she's the most desired lesbian in the UK. Dare to dream Jack!

 

[Legionnairess]

It’s happened mithering ninnies. Jack has invaded my every being. I’m currently reading a Val McDermaid (Karen Pirie) novel set in Edinburgh and she’s gone to Dishoom and my first thought was JM. I was at a friends and they offered me kombucha and I pointedly refused because i associate it with them. Please find me a suitable aparthotel where I can get help.