Jack Monroe #195 She basically writes fan-fiction about herself

[Vanelope]

Beef cheek - low and slow

fish fillet…. Not that. Dry as dust mate.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Should I buy a bath bomb, a scented candle and listen to some up-tempo 80's shitty music whilst turning to a prune in the bath?

memememememe Had some really shitty health news yesterday. Trying to take it all in and make sense of it all. I have just got over one type of cancer, all clear in a letter a few weeks ago. End of the lockdown in sight, things are finally looking more positive.

Then the doctor rang out of the blue mid afternoon, only to tell me I most likely have another type of cancer. Emergency admission to a London hospital one day next week for biopsies, but my scans/blood tests/physical examination last week are pretty conclusive.

I am always positive about prospects, but even I am finding it hard this time. The thought of going through treatment and operations again just fills me with despair. Fingers crossed they have got it wrong this time.


Thanks to you lot of ninnies for providing me with a distraction, humour and support. It really does help.

Rollercoaster of a day, first we find out we were mid 90s haircut twins, now this. Sending you lots of good wishes Manc, lucky for you I’ve found the cure for depression which means The Breakdown can be exterminated immediately

Spoiler: Depression cure

 

[HotesTilaire]

Cabal Calendar
24 June - thread 31aversary
16 July - Celery, Edinburgh. The canal sends commiserations to ........Sturgeon, leader of the SNP and First Minister of Scotland
29 November - Slopmass, the One True Bot was revealed to the cable
Mid December - the Annual Sloppies award ceremony
January - chaos month, a month long remembrance of when we had to tell each other to have time off, and organise shifts to cover the 24/7 crazy

 

[onlysunshine]

I AM BACK IN REAL TIME.

Real life chaos may have temporarily held me back but I'm a determined bugger.

Also, thanks for going away again Jack, much appreciated.

Well lads, herr & frauen, who would have thought so much, yet so little would have happened between us talking about @drusy playing catch up and now.

Kind of waiting for a story to be sold to Take a Break or similar to find out Jack's version of events for the last couple of months.

 

[NP]

You know you're a nobody when even the Daily Mail don't think you worthy of a character assassination.

They only stay away from her because she says, “PRESS! DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT WRITING ABOUT THIS!” after whatever chaos she’s overshared. It’s definitely not because she’s a nobody.

 

[Pocahontas]

Number of days since granola recipe was promised

What the hell are you doing, Hotes? (Tunnel was doing so well.)

 

[Mr Krabs]

i am guessing “style director” means this cut was at the upper end of the price range. Utterly shameless. Also - still in London?

You know your look is edgy AF when Tiggy and Bo compliment you on it. I mean, they make leopard print bags. So punk.

 

[Emmapism]

We've got no idea what Jack is up to. It's glorious

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Let's not forget that the Del Monte partnership was nine months in the making.

 

[kachoochoo]

Jack singing Landslide reminds me of this annoying girl at my school who used to always volunteer to sing in assemblies. She had the most awful nasal voice and faux American accent. Her parents are rich so she is still working on her ‘singing career’ and sod all else.

like Jenny from Derry Girls? I get the feeling high school Jack was a proper Jenny

 

[PortiaControl]

If I'm depressed the last thing I want to turn on is Katrina & the Waves "Walking on Sunshine".

That list is so incredibly offensive.

Can't believe Jack's back! Acting as if her time away from social media was self inflicted, ha!

 

[Zelda]

Probably not, unless they're brand new, it wouldn't be worth the effort. They'd settle for whatever cash was in the bank account. It's interesting, if you go bankrupt HMRC can't take 'the tools of your trade', but I don't know if that applies if a one-person company is struck off.

Yes, this is true for personal bankruptcy, so I imagine it would apply for for a sole trader/one person limited company.

There’s a lot of (understandable) fear and misinformation about insolvency and actually, in reality it’s not as stringent as many people fear. You’re not stripped of everything of value you have. There are rules about making sure bankrupts can maintain a “reasonable” standard of living, which in some cases can even include keeping a car. And yes, tools of the trade, such as computers etc wouldn’t be taken if there is evidence that someone really does need them to make a living.

For reasons I’m not going to go into, the Jack that triggers me most is “Making People Panic About Debt” Jack. There are honestly lots and lots of options to avoid insolvency. And if it comes to that, sometimes it can be the best way forward, scary as it seems.

But, if you don’t open the brown envelopes, you might run out options quickly….

Getting off my soapbox now. Glass of Irn Bru at the ready for the fitba!

 

[MooBelle]

I'm confused too Has she just styled it differently in the yellow one? Why is it yellow anyway?

Mind you, I've looked at the 'stylist's ' IG and the salon's and quite frankly Jack escaped quite lightly compared to some of the monstrosities on there.

 

[Billybellend]

Good morning, glorious cabal! Still BUSY here, but I’ve stopped for a piss and a bacon and sausage bap (no lime pickle or peanut butter, I know, I know, it’s disappointing that my only vice is a splash of Reggae Reggae, but I can’t lie to you ). What have I missed?

 

[lilamay]

OT but Marcus Rashford is now on playing for England. Introduced as 'Marcus Rashford MBE' by the commentator. *Howling from the shitty bungalow!*

 

[Jelly Bean]

Clotted cream is a food of the gods. I would sooner eat it with a spoon than dump it in a curry. Plus, if kept in a fridge, cream is very forgiving of its date and I often use it way past after a little taste to make sure it isn’t sour!

Of course, it’s Hatties grifting at fault. I imagine hearing from a “premium brand specialist” PR company and being promised acres of national coverage would be very persuasive. Problem is, the PR company is barely three months old, flogs tat and dubious products. The journalist is a swindler that’s sat on £15k worth of Kickstarter money for a book that’s less likely than any of mine to get published, and her “magazine” is an internet page that probably doesn’t scrape into double digit visitor hits most days. Her biggest platform going private is just icing on the cake, really.

Another lesson learnt and another reason to pat Tattle on the back. These people are the new travelling caravans selling snake oil with dancing ladies and shills in the crowd espousing how wonderful the oil is.

Yet point out their grifting and shilling and holes in their stories and you are a bully. As you say thank goodness for Tattle. Otherwise the public at large just see wee snippets of stuff presented to them by these people and don't often join the dots. Therefore Jack is poor and an activist (neither true as far as I can see). Hattie needs free holidays for some reason as she can't work. Yes obviously people can be poor and have mental and physical problems, but they shouldn't take advantage of other people's kindness and goodwill by playing victim to give themselves quite the cushy life.

 

[Flash123]

I wonder if we can get hats for the #31 anniversary on Wednesday?

 

[Falkor]

I’ve just realised I’ve never watched and of the Landslide video, but it reminded me, wasn’t there a Frau here who’d never heard Jack speak? I can’t remember who it was I’m so sorry, but I’m so curious if they’ve still managed to avoid the voice of Jack?

I'm not the Frau you're thinking of, but I am an original Thread 1 Frau and I've never heard Jack speak to this day.

 

[Hollaaa]

That song by Toploader is the epitome of everyone being out there having a good time, just what you need when you're stuck in your depression pit, not having any sort of good time .

My concentration span was appalling when I was depressed and listening to music and reading, aka my two favourite things, were impossible.

The editorial values for the comic my class made in primary school were higher than the Hattler's. Women selling each other 'wellness' crap in boxes, newsletters and webinars is the new MLM.

 

[MancBee]

She has decanted the mixed herbs into a bottle to make them look nice.

But they look awful, the dreadful embossed plastic Dymo labels that look like a school project. The labels are far from ecologically sound. The bottle takes up heaps more room than the small container they come in.

Why take something out of a perfectly adequate container to put it into a different one? It doesn't make sense, unless you buy the cheep refills. Even then, you would use a container of a suitable size.

Why am I even trying to make sense of this? It's just Jack