Jack Monroe #195 She basically writes fan-fiction about herself

[NP]

Good god no, she was in a band?! Surely they didn’t let her loose with the instruments…but then that would leave her singing and that’s worse.

Nope. Got to be bullshit. I hope.

I’m sure she was lead guitarist, pianist AND the lead singer.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Looks like the Gladwell Grift has paid off with a 5 night stay at some £125 a night glamping place. Can’t wait for the review.

This makes me so depressed.
Businesses must be struggling left right and centre (though I know demand is up for holiday places in the UK). And grifters feel perfectly justified in getting free stuff in return for a bit of a review about the place in some obscure blog.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

The drain hair book seems such a long time ago now

eta: she needs to hurry up cos I'm running out of space to keep mine

 

[ThePowderMonkey]

I’m considering counting days. Not personally but there are websites which do it for you.
Days since Dash last seen
Days since Cooper last deployed
Days since patreons should have been sent a thrifty shades of beige exclusive postcard
Days the shopping trolley was sent to the Agents office

Days since Jack said she was going to support Full Time Meals

 

[Veronicaaa]

She's going to spend the entire day on twitter getting patted on the back for sticking up some post its.

 

[Hollaaa]

8. Remain within a 200m radius of Waverley Station at all times.

 

[Miss Anne Thrope]

Happy Threadaversay you wonderful, witty, waggish Frauen unt Herren! You kept me going through a scary, tough year with your knowledge, insight and humour. Love ya to bits!

 

[Misbehaving]

Should I buy a bath bomb, a scented candle and listen to some up-tempo 80's shitty music whilst turning to a prune in the bath?

memememememe Had some really shitty health news yesterday. Trying to take it all in and make sense of it all. I have just got over one type of cancer, all clear in a letter a few weeks ago. End of the lockdown in sight, things are finally looking more positive.

Then the doctor rang out of the blue mid afternoon, only to tell me I most likely have another type of cancer. Emergency admission to a London hospital one day next week for biopsies, but my scans/blood tests/physical examination last week are pretty conclusive.

I am always positive about prospects, but even I am finding it hard this time. The thought of going through treatment and operations again just fills me with despair. Fingers crossed they have got it wrong this time.


Thanks to you lot of ninnies for providing me with a distraction, humour and support. It really does help.

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that.
That's really unfair and you've been such a trooper always giving us perceptive and witty posts and all the time facing your own personal battle.
I know it's not much consolation but I think you've been very brave and have dealt with things brilliantly.
My husband had a very aggressive form of cancer once and lived to tell the tale so fingers crossed you will be the same.
I hope you have a good support network around you with friends and family to rally round and you always have us and I hope you reach out any time you need us.
Sending love and my support (as I'm sure are many others).
All the best and take care.

 

[Flash123]

Oven chips saag paneer????

 

[HotesTilaire]

Ugh. I hate how this kind of nonsense reduces depression down to just feeling 'a bit fed up/a bit low', which is a normal human emotion and NOT a bloody illness. The depressed spells I go through leave me unable to function, and I rely on a lot of care from my husband. Know what I don't do? I don't listen to music, as a) have such overwhelming apathy, b) am so brain fogged that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on music and take it in. You could play me a song and I wouldn't actually 'hear' it . I'm afraid a "catchy chorus" would not help me "shake off any negative feelings" FFS

I cannot believe anyone thinks there is any value in writing a list of songs. The internet is awash with listicles. Spotify literally has curated playlists. The “arrogance” of that website is breathtaking. If you want to write about mood and music, either do a personal story, or do some bloody research about, you know, mood and music. Suggest people curate their own lists for relaxing, cheering up, motivation/exercise etc. if you must. So old hat.

 

[kachoochoo]

thought I'd give jack a very low quality hat, in absence of any actual content. also, her coat hooks here look like they say, "looool"

 

[HotesTilaire]

No! Jack CANNOT go to jail that’s the worst place for them. Prison is where they invented that “pizza” made from ramen and crushed Doritos left to prove in a bin bag, boiled egg on a kettle, ingenious make do and mend items all around. Think of the ideas Jack could appropriate!
And think of the felons! The whole of B wing giving up their weekly allowance of baccy and phonecards just to prevent singing, spoken word, or stories about The Poverty.

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Does she mean saag aloo? It’s jollof rice all over again…

 

[waffle maker]

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You are an actual hero for posting this- I’ve been searching for it all afternoon to post for the bantz but got my aging rockers mixed up in my memory. I was searching “cliff richard vulnerable” “Rod Stuart missing” “nan and Pauline”!

 

[bowiethesdmn]

They have no sense of humour these people. You lot are hilarious.

We attract a good crowd, I've genuinely cried laughing at some stuff in this thread and I've not even been here a year.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Or when your social media passwords are taken from you?

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So the mysterious ailments are going to be quietly dropped are they?

 

[waffle maker]

I don't have a sideboard but I do have a bar. #expatwanker

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Her shedding is horrendous. Just like Jack's hair, it's coming out in clumps. I might give her a reverse rat's tail but someone's going to have to donate a sideboard for a photoshoot. If you do give me a sideboard for free (including delivery) I'll write you a well good review on Twitter

 

[HotesTilaire]

As we all know, apart hotels are essential to good mental health.
Therefore, why doesn’t the Breakdown source reviews from its readers who, because they are keen on looking after their mental health, will all have recently stayed in an aparthotel?
Also they’ve got one in the bag- their regular columnist Fack just sewed a secret self help message on to the pocket of a denim shirt whilst in an aparthotel! Ready made article -I think so!!!!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Boring af but her strike off has been discontinued, so we get to see some figures one day

Patreons remain flat at 310. She’ll go under 300 this month end so a tweet re: treatment or being a single mother will be due any day now.