Jack Monroe #194 She only came back cos we were about to put out an album

[Mr Krabs]

Nine years is along time. To flog a dead horse.

Think of all the stuff she could have done in that time.

Gone back to college and done an access course and degree. Or trained for an entirely new career.
Gone to culinary school and improved her skills and become a proper chef.
Done an NCTJ course or two if she was serious about working in the media.
Saved for a modest forever home.

But no, instead it's book after book of 'bung it in a slow cooker' and Twitter moaning.

 

[Pocahontas]

Think of all the stuff she could have done in that time.

Gone back to college and done an access course and degree. Or trained for an entirely new career.
Gone to culinary school and improved her skills and become a proper chef.
Done an NCTJ course or two if she was serious about working in the media.
Saved for a modest forever home.

But no, instead it's book after book of 'bung it in a slow cooker' and Twitter moaning.

Laziness, complacency and a strong sense of entitlement are the magic ingredients

 

[lilamay]

I just snorted my wine at Easter Island Eamonn - amazing

When mentioned, he must be brought out.

It's the one JM-related image I have saved to my desktop

 

[Lanie]

True..
Although I said it before and I'll say it again (a year later)

Whose GroupChat would you rather?
SHE'S step-up and school mum chat
Or
People Jack has worked with chat


Who do you choose?

Can I go for the conspiracy theory and be the WhatsApp lurker who's reads everyone's messages. I'd be all over all of those group chats.

 

[MooBelle]

Easter Island Eamonn and Ruth

Oh, poor Eamonn. Even a year later I still have the feels for his ickle confused face....

She isn’t a blue tick or even a side character in the Saga of Jack (like sadbot), so I spose it’s not the done thing to name her. The problem is, she’s championed here so regularly, so those who are not in the know of who she is want to know ... who she is.

Fair do-s
Thank you for clarification x

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

This is an awful thought and I’m sorry to share it but I just can’t believe she’s had (at least?) 2 very high profile fiancés in those 9 years too. It must be such a head duck, she did press for both it was probably the same bleeping journos and the same sandwich year placement intern probably still there from the last time. Bizarre.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Since we know Jack's not going to be back until the weekend, here is my pre-chaos/crushing tedium gift to the cabal (my taxi driver's waiting outside). Pie Jesu, it's the most uptempo requiem ever made to honour the forgotten freezer fish. Get out those Russell Brands, it's what god himself would have wanted

 

[Vanelope]

What a banger TS
But very tragic in its own way.
the introspective second EP

 

[TitsMcGee]

Since we know Jack's not going to be back until the weekend, here is my pre-chaos/crushing tedium gift to the cabal (my taxi driver's waiting outside). Pie Jesu, it's the most uptempo requiem ever made to honour the forgotten freezer fish. Get out those Russell Brands, it's what god himself would have wanted

Beautiful. The bit about those poor fish interned in a frozen hell ... wow. I would have shed a tear if I wasn’t laughing so bloody hard . Genius!

 

[Hollaaa]

Justice for the fishos at last 🧊

 

[Cookiecookie]

Just seen the latest guest on the TK and MR meals is Louis Tomlinson out of 1D. That's going to open up the campaign to a much bigger audience. The comments are already jam packed with 1D/Larry fans!

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Since we know Jack's not going to be back until the weekend, here is my pre-chaos/crushing tedium gift to the cabal (my taxi driver's waiting outside). Pie Jesu, it's the most uptempo requiem ever made to honour the forgotten freezer fish. Get out those Russell Brands, it's what god himself would have wanted

Oh bravo!!! Brava!! Just perfection! Perchfection.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Since we know Jack's not going to be back until the weekend, here is my pre-chaos/crushing tedium gift to the cabal (my taxi driver's waiting outside). Pie Jesu, it's the most uptempo requiem ever made to honour the forgotten freezer fish. Get out those Russell Brands, it's what god himself would have wanted

wow That really was quite emotional And fits so perfectly with this thread title!
I love that the fish being held by Slopbot looks sad, it’s so poignant!

 

[ThriftStoreLeCreuset]

Wow. I've said it before, but it's worth repeating:

Think of how much you've grown and changed over the last 9 years.

Now look at Jack Monroe.

Don't you feel so good about yourself now?

Oh wow, this is actually a bit triggering but ultimately in a good way. I feel like a lot of the frauen have been through some tit and this might actually be a useful thinking exercise. Thanks, Jack. You have shown us how far we have come and how being stunted in a ridiculous self-indulgent dramatic narrative is somehow worse than death, disease, relocation, Brexit, Trump, COVID, and more.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I really wanted to add in a sample of Marcus Wareing saying 'bream' to use as another voice in the chorus as I'd assumed he must have talked about bream on camera before but I couldn't find anything. Incidentally, in restaurant parlance, we are in fact only one song away from having an album! Here is an appetiser for the final song that is currently in the slow cooker, simmering away to concentrate the flavours and destroy any interesting texture.

Spoiler: an amuse-bouche

 

[HotesTilaire]

Since we know Jack's not going to be back until the weekend, here is my pre-chaos/crushing tedium gift to the cabal (my taxi driver's waiting outside). Pie Jesu, it's the most uptempo requiem ever made to honour the forgotten freezer fish. Get out those Russell Brands, it's what god himself would have wanted

Melancholy and strangely upbeat, reminds me of early Smiths.

 

[ThriftStoreLeCreuset]

Loves, I tipsily pressed a wrong button and was confused about why everyone was bitching about some Sam man from Liverpool but just repeating the same sentiments. Don't recommend the Sam Walker thread. Quite dull.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Loves, I tipsily pressed a wrong button and was confused about why everyone was bitching about some Sam man from Liverpool but just repeating the same sentiments. Don't recommend the Sam Walker thread. Quite dull.

Not if you’re from Liverpool it’s not!

 

[schmetterling]

Since we know Jack's not going to be back until the weekend, here is my pre-chaos/crushing tedium gift to the cabal (my taxi driver's waiting outside). Pie Jesu, it's the most uptempo requiem ever made to honour the forgotten freezer fish. Get out those Russell Brands, it's what god himself would have wanted

I can hear the hysterical screaming in the arena for Slopbot! Everybody now, lighters in the air for the bream!

 

[FunnyFuneral]

Her 'cooking' is like a fucked up would you rather challenge - choke to death on wattle and daub baking or drown in a slop sewage tank? Either way, you lose!

Thats AMMMMOOOOLLLEEE

Since we know Jack's not going to be back until the weekend, here is my pre-chaos/crushing tedium gift to the cabal (my taxi driver's waiting outside). Pie Jesu, it's the most uptempo requiem ever made to honour the forgotten freezer fish. Get out those Russell Brands, it's what god himself would have wanted

That was fab X