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Jack Monroe #189 Food Crime Pie
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Why does Jack think a soup needs to be so thick a mouse could scamper across it?
What in the name of all things holy is that.
You are so, so brave to try that. I know I was told not to look, but I am just too nosey to miss out.
I've just discovered @obviousplant on Twitter and oh my god, this is perfect for jack
The threads keep growing also
Ohh but she is on SM. It must be killing her not to be posting. I bet she can't wait to make some comments on Twitter in response to the fun we've been having.
What. The. duck.
(I'm so thankful I did the bread recipe!)
Here's a regular loaf I made compared to Jack's loaf
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What is her bleeping vendetta against porridge?? Quakers Microwave oats (chocolate flavour because why be any healthier than you need to be) with a banana cut up on top (well, ripped up now as we no longer have communal cutlery at work and i keep forgetting to provide my own knife). Why is she making porridge so much harder than it needs to be??
I got mine yesterday. Barely felt it, I am happy to report!
So, as you may expect, both were terrible.
Exhibit A (Jack's) was more terrible. I managed one spoonful. It tasted like it had come straight from the garden into the blender. You povvos might as well eat weeds is the overriding message.
Positives: it would fill two bowls, give the amount of water involved. I had a lot of the stuff in already and if I'd just got spinach and beans at Lidl and left it at that, it would have only cost me just over £2 out of pocket. I still have 2/3 of a bag of spinach left to have in an omelette tonight.
Negatives: cheap veg stock cubes taste overwhelmingly of celery and overpowered everything else. The cannellini beans were 55p in Asda as opposed to 41p for butter beans, when they are in stock. You can't tell the difference between either in this dish, so I would go for the cheaper of the two. I used half a tube of puréed garlic to follow the recipe to the quantity specified. That's a colossal waste of a quite expensive product, and the money would be better spent on a bit of butter or oil to fry off the garlic, onion and beans first. Or even a bit of garlic flavoured oil and omit the garlic. 2tbsps of lemon juice at the end was TOO MUCH and was left floating on top. Almost rendered the dish inedible but I suspect that ship sailed long before the lemon arrived.
Exhibit B, my adapted version.
Positives: it was really filling, I only managed half of what I put in my bowl, so I could have got two portions out of it after all, instead of one and a bit. The fresh spinach still gave it a very planty vibe but in a ooh vitamin C and iron good for you way, not an I'm eating the grass verge on a roundabout what has become of me way. I thought that the beans were a good alternative to using potato in a soup, and would do that again if I didn't have any fresh spuds in. Good idea. The chicken stock cube also levelled off the planty vibe but of course that changes it to only 90% vegan, given the butter I added as well. Frying off is compulsory and missing that step is a dick move (new hill alert).
Negatives: 4 cloves of garlic to 300ml liquid is TOO MUCH. Before I blended the soup I was getting strong moules marinières energy and not in a good way. One would have done, or use of garlic flavoured oil would have been okay. And I like garlic. Also a little squirt of lemon was enough. And I was heavy handed with the pepper mostly for the lolz but it didn't need that much.
Overall verdict: if this was served in a restaurant I'd want Julie Walters as my waitress.
Exhibit A (Jack's) was more terrible. I managed one spoonful. It tasted like it had come straight from the garden into the blender. You povvos might as well eat weeds is the overriding message.
Positives: it would fill two bowls, give the amount of water involved. I had a lot of the stuff in already and if I'd just got spinach and beans at Lidl and left it at that, it would have only cost me just over £2 out of pocket. I still have 2/3 of a bag of spinach left to have in an omelette tonight.
Negatives: cheap veg stock cubes taste overwhelmingly of celery and overpowered everything else. The cannellini beans were 55p in Asda as opposed to 41p for butter beans, when they are in stock. You can't tell the difference between either in this dish, so I would go for the cheaper of the two. I used half a tube of puréed garlic to follow the recipe to the quantity specified. That's a colossal waste of a quite expensive product, and the money would be better spent on a bit of butter or oil to fry off the garlic, onion and beans first. Or even a bit of garlic flavoured oil and omit the garlic. 2tbsps of lemon juice at the end was TOO MUCH and was left floating on top. Almost rendered the dish inedible but I suspect that ship sailed long before the lemon arrived.
Exhibit B, my adapted version.
Positives: it was really filling, I only managed half of what I put in my bowl, so I could have got two portions out of it after all, instead of one and a bit. The fresh spinach still gave it a very planty vibe but in a ooh vitamin C and iron good for you way, not an I'm eating the grass verge on a roundabout what has become of me way. I thought that the beans were a good alternative to using potato in a soup, and would do that again if I didn't have any fresh spuds in. Good idea. The chicken stock cube also levelled off the planty vibe but of course that changes it to only 90% vegan, given the butter I added as well. Frying off is compulsory and missing that step is a dick move (new hill alert).
Negatives: 4 cloves of garlic to 300ml liquid is TOO MUCH. Before I blended the soup I was getting strong moules marinières energy and not in a good way. One would have done, or use of garlic flavoured oil would have been okay. And I like garlic. Also a little squirt of lemon was enough. And I was heavy handed with the pepper mostly for the lolz but it didn't need that much.
Overall verdict: if this was served in a restaurant I'd want Julie Walters as my waitress.
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Have just been looking through my kindle copy of Tin Can Cook, that I bought for 99p just days before the Lime Gossip article turned up in my alerts. I was looking to see if I could join the volunteer slop testers. LJC so happy you can't make me, so many food crimes!
I could give so many examples but an honourable mention goes to Monster Mash. The main ingredients are tins of potatoes and spinach. The only other ingredients are a splash of milk and the same of butter, margarine or oil.
She cooks the potatoes which are already fully cooked (if not overcooked) for a further 15 minutes! There are no seasonings mentioned in the recipe or method. She gets paid for this tit?
I could give so many examples but an honourable mention goes to Monster Mash. The main ingredients are tins of potatoes and spinach. The only other ingredients are a splash of milk and the same of butter, margarine or oil.
She cooks the potatoes which are already fully cooked (if not overcooked) for a further 15 minutes! There are no seasonings mentioned in the recipe or method. She gets paid for this tit?
The Monroe mystery: why cook things for ages that are already fully cooked? See tinned beans, chickpeas, potatoes, etc.
Wow!
Huge applause for managing to interpret 'Stagnation' through the medium of soup.
Because how else will it take on a nice softy soft baby mush quality to soothe ouchy mouths all over the UK?
I am struggling to think of another food writer who would think it remotely appropriate to use the phrase 'bean poo' in a recipe.I had a look to see if this recipe is online, and I stumbled upon another of Jack's soups. The intro is standard self-pitying nonsense:
View attachment 570655
So far, so Jack, right? BUT WAIT. This recipe, posted in 2018, is tagged Cook For Syria. She has managed to turn a campaign about refugees fleeing a devastating war into "when I was a single mum on benefits".
duck off, Jack. Just duck off.
Spinach, Lentil & Lemon Soup, 34p [Cook For Syria]
This easy, comforting spinach and lentil soup was inspired by a recipe in Saha, by Greg and Lucy Malouf. I made it a few times as a quick late-night supper, before I lost the notebook with the deta…cookingonabootstrap.com
It simply is baffling.
Also, further to my rant about her woefully inappropriate ‘me, me, me’ approach to a Cook for Syria recipe, it doesn’t even follow with anything!! It’s not like, oh, there’s a paragraph about Jack and then she moved onto some kind of general point about heritage or home or the plight of refugees or SOMETHING for LJC’s sake. It’s just The Poverty™️ rehash no. 892, followed by affiliate links! bleep.
Quoting myself like an arse but on reflection and given the hoarding problems in the crappy bungalow, perhaps she would prefer to see mouse footprints in her soup than find a drowned mouse in it!
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