Jack Monroe #186 The bromelain in canned pineapple is denatured

[gashlycrumbtiny]

The donations chat has given me flashbacks to working in an Oxfam clothing shop as a student. The number of men who would donate shirts with the armpits completely rotted and stained from deodorant was staggering. WTF would want that? Also used socks and underwear, all of which went straight in the bin.

Big shout out to the woman who donated a bin bag full of sex toys, that was quite a day.

 

[Veronicaaa]

That's barbaric.

It's the expression on his face

Kind of how my dog looks whenever I haul the old Henry hoover out.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

We've had such a chaos drought that last night I was starting to give her the benefit of the doubt and thought perhaps she'd made some positive changes in her life that involved not feeding us (AKA S Club 600) via social media. I don't know what came over me, she's still a mammoth attention-seeking knob. Are we having a sweepstake on how long it'll be before she comes back-but-NOT-BACK!? I'm giving her until midnight tonight.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Can you be really shit at knitting and good at embroidery?

Asking for somebody who really wants some granola.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

It’s not for AA to pair a sponsor and sponsee though. The newcomer, in my experience and what was recommended to me, looks for someone they identify with, someone that makes you ‘want what they have’ in terms of sobriety and quality of life.

Must have happened, then. Fame, fortune, people falling over themselves for his pearls of wisdom/buckets of bullshite (and paying for the privilege) everybody ignoring the shitty stuff he did to non famous people. Definitely somebody to identify with and whom had something JM would want.

Mr D hates him with good reason and from experience, not from gossip or friend of a friend stuff. The makeup girl story is fuck all compared to the stuff that's out there and is being deliberately ignored because it doesn't involve slebs.

 

[misshydrangea]

Can you imagine how many ring binders she'd need for printing off 186 threads!

You guys I’m scared. She’s got a 100% record at winning these things. I’m going to fashion myself a bunker out of Tesco med veg bake trays sealed with date syrup and sprinkled with yellowish-orange dust for extra disguise.

 

[Ladderedtights]

Oh don’t, I can’t stand the idea of Jack appropriating the pizza crunch!

“So I accidentally got a few trains to Glasgow and I kept my head down and double checked I had my stab roof vest on. I saw some yoofs ahead of me gnoshing on some sort of delicious smelling peasant food and I said to them, “You probably know who I am but I need to get that all in my face, passed all 100 of my gnashers into my grumbly wumbly belly,”. So they pointed at a chippy and I went in in disguise. I asked for a triangle coated with tomato and cheese and heated to such an intensity that you can actually hear it sizzle. And as the Italian Scottish man was deep frying I talked to him about being of several cultures, how the combination of fats was really interesting to my Greek side and also my Irish side and English side. I asked if he’d been bullied at school but before he could respond I leapt behind the counter, ripped off my jacket to reveal one of my many aprons and started rolling a local delicacy called a Tunnocks tea cake in batter. I don’t remember much after that...but yes, sizzled triangle creation of tomato and cheese base, unctuous with golden oil.”

edit

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

we must have infuriated her with the bowls for her to inflict a bank holiday weekend drought on us

 

[Hollaaa]

Not sure if anyone has spotted this yet, but there is writing in the embroidery she's done. I've tried to highlight.
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I looked the phrase up and apparently it's an AA/NA thing.

P.S. from a distance the work looks fine, I feel a bit horrible saying but looking closely it won't stand up to a wash and is quite untidy.

I did notice it but then thought it was me accidentally seeing things in things because I didn't quite get the first word. And I wasn't entirely sure if that capital A was a letter or a cock.

 

[Emmapism]

I wonder which sock puppet account Jack is using right now

 

[Professor Slop]

I did notice it but then thought it was me accidentally seeing things in things because I didn't quite get the first word. And I wasn't entirely sure if that capital A was a letter or a cock.

I proper struggled on today, for a while I was convinced I was seeing "Just for tattle"

 

[kachoochoo]

It'll be like when you get 'hand-made' on cakes and stuff in the supermarket because someone in a factory has chucked a handful of decorations on the top, or someone in the bakery has bunged the raw materials into an oven and so technically...

Or she'll go the full lying by omission bit because it's handmade, just not by her.

like domino biscuits?

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I've never heard of Line of Duty outside of this thread.

(Not Jack, just foreign)

From the archives: a year ago today, Jack was planning to teach her son a number of life skills. What became of that?

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And of course it wouldn't be Jack without an outrageous lie that takes 10 seconds to disprove:

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I wonder if he still has to make her bed?

And the savings and taxes one Jack, was he going to give you the chat? #saltylenny

 

[BlendedSlop]

This is my fav comment under the sausage abomination.

View attachment 557596

No, those are the sausages dear squiggle.

My favourite comment on that particular food crime came from our very own @Tabitha D - "Like bellends floating in sewage."

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

Pronouns have gone again then.


View attachment 558524

isn’t she so shocking and edgy? Nuns and fuck in the same sentence, that’s so clever, NOBODY ever talks like that. She must be well ‘ard.

 

[jordishaw]

Looking forward, the one this Saturday cost £90.

No comment.

Actually, I do have a comment. Jack is shameless. People are still working really hard and reeling from the psychological and physical consequences of the last year. Tweets and pictures are put up that show breadcrumbs to mystery illnesses but plenty of time to avoid work and to do lots of creative fun.

Jack if you are reading, the charity shop I volunteer in doesn’t want your tobacco-stained books. It takes hours to clear through the junk that people are too lazy to take to the tip. A few weeks ago I got given a donation of old, stained books and plates in a pizza box that was covered in bird poo. But you crack on with your yummy mummy classes to validate your existence.

(Day is not going well)

I am finding embroidery Jack really irritating. I do a lot of hand work as I find it invaluable in keeping me calm and being able to concentrate. Knitting was particularly important to me while having chemotherapy and radiotherapy after surgery for cancer, all of which involves a lot of waiting around time. It's also something that makes it easier to connect with other people in the same boat - so many people associate it with mothers or grandmothers who made their clothes, or make things themselves. The hospital where I was treated even had a fantastic FREE craft programme in the radiotherapy waiting room - but the important thing about all this is to help people to engage with the process of making, not results to get dopamine likes, and to trust their hands. So I would even give Jack a break on the porridge blanket (despite <shudder> ACRYLIC) (I'm working on the yarn snobbery) if it was presented as a genuine ONE DAY AT A TIME STITCH BY STITCH process that would support other people learning to embrace the slow imperfect process, not a 'look at this what I knocked up overnight, brilliant little me' thirst trap.

 

[MancBee]

Is she still staying in the hotel? Did we ever find out if it was FANCY?

 

[schmetterling]

 

[Mr Krabs]

In the Guardian today an article about hair washing. ‘It’s like therapy’: how washing your hair can lift your mood – and change your life

‘It’s like therapy’: how washing your hair can lift your mood – and change your life

Hairwashing can be a catharsis and a reset, the purifying sluice of water rinsing a bad day down the plughole

www.theguardian.com

Wasn't Jack saying she hasn't washed hers in weeks. Maybe she should take the advice of her fellow Guardian columnists and she wouldn't have such a low mood!

If only it were that easy.

Chucking out my SSRIs right now and going to crack open the Head & Shoulders. Cheers hun.

 

[Hollaaa]

Where on earth is she going to find the room for all that

Hello? Cotswold Company? Yes, do you have a sideboard big enough for an elephant? You do? I'll take three!