Jack Monroe #186 The bromelain in canned pineapple is denatured

[heretoreaditall2019]

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Can I please use this in the Patreon roundups We’ve got 3 months of data now so I was gonna treat us to a ~quarterly business review~ once this month’s shed happens (which may be tomorrow morning).

 

[BlendedSlop]

Can any Fraü reccomend a particularly good thread from the past? I've treated myself to revisiting #1 - 10 and #31 (obviously) but need some Bank Holiday entertainment.
Mrs ST is glued to the Snooker as our friend is playing🔺️ I'm nodding in support but have no clue what's happening and desperately need a quiet distraction.
Thank(space)you.

I'm in a similar situation (being SICK and unable to do much other than lie in bed reading) and have recently been reliving some of my past thread highlights. Personal favourites include:

#118 - The Cabal give their verdict on the worst Christmas Dinner ever presented on Twitter

#120-124 - The Short Long Covid saga

#131 - In which she gets cancelled by Far Left Twitter and attempts to provide receipts of her sliding into Corbyn's DMs

More to come! Now fuck off x

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Jack’s replied to comments on there (IG) in the last 30 minutes.

Replies include mentions to bullies and doing commissions.

SM break is going brilliantly.



I know we aren’t allowed links but there is a lovely woman who embroiders T-shirts with a name linked to a brown hot drink.

I covet her products.

How dare she say she’s bullied. My idea of bullying and hers are two very different things. I’ve said it many a time before - if she was being bullied online or trolled, I think she would take screen shots and post them for maximum sympathy. Every. Single. Time. She chooses to read here and misconstrue what people say and pass it off as bullying and that’s wrong.

Honesty in all your affairs Jack. This constant passing yourself off as a superperson in recovery doesn’t wash with people when you’re not living your life the way you act you are.

She’s really getting to me today and I don’t know why.

 

[Tittykitty]

But if she practiced fridge date rotation she wouldn’t be able to make half of her recipes, ie dead salad bag pesto. The amount of times she mentions stuff on its last legs

When jack says fridge rotation she means using that no 1 smeg instead of no2 smeg

 

[FlashBoof]

Meanwhile back in the real world...

Don’t you just love it when Twitter feeds gift you a smile.

 

[Hollaaa]

That's a nice looking tin of tomatoes you got there, do you mind sending me the empty can once you're finished with it?

It's by a lovely local artisan producer (Waitrose). I'll only post as far as Australia, just need to stock up on sparkly mailers.

 

[Veronicaaa]

This kind of post is generally followed by a week-long flurry of posts, before she remembers she's meant to be 'off twitter' again.

 

[Skyfall]

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Loooooooooooooooooool

She just edited her reply

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She's put it on her instagram stories too

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Wow!
Their hands must be getting better if they’re able to do such detailed work.
Maybe that’s what the steroid injections are for, her RA.

Wow!
Their hands must be getting better if they’re able to do such detailed work.
Maybe that’s what the steroid injections are for, her RA.

Oh and have an accidental unicorn

 

[gashlycrumbtiny]

God she’s so boring right now. I saw yesterday that Vonny LeClerc (aptly described by someone on her thread as Jack on speed) has claimed in the past that she can feed her and her four children on £20 a week. Jack has been well and truly elevenirifed.

 

[Pocahontas]

Omg this is such dead content, down to the specific bus route

Remember the creepy vampire guy who’d tweet her? Wonder which chaos turned him off her

Reckon it was the soft, soft light peeping though her pink velvet curtains (not a euphemism, all you filth mongers )
He probably thought: ‘Any bird who can survive sitting in a literal sunbeam is not the queen of the undead for me. Goodbye. I said - goodbye!’

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

another sweets thread?! boring

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I treated myself to a reread of thread 31 earlier. I just wanted to remind myself of "sad little face". she'd given up printing it all out by then

Ah, yes. Blackjacks. Possibly the most racist sweet in the history of colonial confectionery.

Still sold with a similar wrapping when Jack was a child. So no excuse of 'IT'S JUST A SWEET THAT HAS A NAME THAT RHYMES WITH THE COLOUR'.

 

[Shawads]

I’d never read her Wikipedia before, this is a Bobby Dazzler...View attachment 554858

Jack of all trades?? Is she being serious?? If she’d left the “and master of none” at the end it would have been much more apt

Jack of all Tirades would be more apt.

 

[Pocahontas]

I’m a bit partial to embroidered denim - and it’s not a bad job not sure about the pocket of brown ‘soil’ but I guess she’s keeping a realistic aesthetic. What a way to repurpose the salad bag pesto!

I’m more anguished about her fawning tweet to Chris Packham. If he acknowledges her I will cry. Not even going to bother commenting on her broken social media ‘break’ - it’s like the rising and setting of the sun

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Of course - those Patreon subs won’t grow on their own now, will they. I am only surprised she hasn’t rattled the tip jar too. Mind you, I would love to know who is fronting the £500 a week hotel bill. Even if the bungalow has been given up, surely, a poorly smol pixie would be better off staying in one of the many bedrooms her parents have. Or, if she does have to be London based, a close (scarfless) dear friend could put her up. If things are a bit delicate and tough, I cannot imagine for a single second, isolation in a hotel room is ideal.

By the way, I can’t remember who mentioned it now, but someone said the bungalow never looked like a kid lived there and you are right! Even the “fallen asleep with a blanket on me” pic, the room looked impersonal and not fitting for a boys bedroom. No character bedding, no visible toys or posters. Just the kid and his Harry Potter book in a double bed/guest room kind of set up. When you set aside monetising being a poor single parent, it’s all a bit heartbreaking, really.

I was one of the ones that said it but agree completely. Looking back it was clear as day but I believed her complaining about parenting

Not a parent to a similarly aged child but whenever I’ve had similarly aged nephews stay the house becomes overrun with those challenging hydraulic robot arm kits and tangfastics everywhere. We’re honestly meant to believe she home schooled him in a year long pandemic and there’s not so much as a corner with scruffy school books?

It’s by far the saddest lie yet but tbh better than the alternative truths she puts out there eg awful cheap sandwiches and training camp mamapapa.

 

[Powershower]

The best bit is this...

Jack, hilariously, had talked us through this bit step-by-step.

Personally - although perhaps at my own peril - I'm going to give readers the benefit of the doubt, and assume they are familiar with the process of sandwich assembly.

Take 2 slices of bread out the bag. First you’ll need to open the bag. It’s the clear and opaque one on the side where we could keep the toaster if we had one. Open the bag by pulling the yellow tab and then untwisting the twist at the top! Don’t twist too far or it will unravel and then twist back the other way quicker than one of my moods”

 

[The Dowager]

Someone needs to tell her that vague posting on Twitter won’t be accepted as a valid excuse for not submitting her accounts.

If she files them by 30 April then it’s £300 to Companies House, and £100 to HMRC with interest on the tax liability. 20 weeks of a full grocery shop, by Jack’s ridiculous definition.

Oh and there’ll be another application from CH to strike off her company if she doesn’t submit her confirmation statement pronto. It’s a two minute job for her or someone else to do

 

[Harrybosch]

I am deeply honoured!

Best thread title ever! Im fizzing like fermented bromelain.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

I’d like to say at this moment isn’t it lucky she isn’t an actual single parent. She’s been away for 2 weeks now?
I have several friends whose child’s ‘fathers’ have zero involvement. I’m glad child has a good alternative parent.

I’m assuming she is in some kind of rehab at the moment. I have a GP friend who works in the rough end of a major city and he regularly gets patients asking to be sent to rehab. Most people don’t realise it doesn’t exist unless you pay for it and it’s certainly beyond their reach.

Been away 4 weeks, this weekend will be taking us into the fifth. Tbh looking back her house had no sign of a child in it, so this shouldn’t be as shocking to me as it has been

Squiggles like this show how well duped she has people that she’s skint.

 

[Ellabella]

She's thinking about taking commissions?!

Please add that to the v.v.long list of things she will never complete.

 

[Hollaaa]

It's the book equivalent of feeding them slop. No nice things for those nasty poors, they'll get what they're given and be grateful. Horrible attitude.
Surely there's a fire hazard Mackie could upcycle the books into?