Jack Monroe #186 The bromelain in canned pineapple is denatured

[PoorPatrol]

Deceased. It’s not just funny it’s so true. Can’t fill a shitty bungalow with shit mugs/pineapples/make up/sideboards? No problem. Just gonna spend cash on virtual things! PS Jack people from Yemen are Yemeni. You’re sponsoring food for a Yemeni child.

I’ll bet she hasn’t even sponsored a child, it’d cost her more to sponsor a child in Yemen than she allegedly spends on her son’s monthly food.

Jack, penning a letter to a little girl in Yemen:

“Dear girl, I wrote you but you still ain’t calling, I left my cell, my pager and my (penultimate forever) home phone at the bottom. When do you want mamapapa white savior Jack to come over and pose with you and crop out your mum?”

Yemeni girl:
“Ummm, yeah so my address is 15, Yemen Road, Yemen”

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Just to make it clear: the second tweet is Jack replying to herself.

 

[colouredlines]

Anticipating a long and never-ending tirade of veg-chopping, dicing, slicing, flavouring, and cooking, I had pre-emptively allowed myself over an hour to complete the recipe.

So I was gobsmacked when the ingredients took less than 10 minutes to chop and chuck together.

...it's a sandwich.

Who gives themselves an hour to make a fucking sandwich?

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Noticed this circulating related to the horrible Noel Clarke allegations:

Didn’t Jack recently follow Brand again? Wonder if she’ll capitalise on the momentum to tell her story about him throwing her out of a cab, or conveniently ignore it because it wouldn’t be profitable at the moment? I don’t think any victim is obliged to come forward and the Noel Clarke accusers are so bloody brave, but Jack’s breadcrumbing about all these things she supposedly knows about media abusers is just as bad as her illness hints tbh. Either let the world know so no more women get hurt or shut the fuck up.

 

[Pocahontas]

Ah, fellas. Let’s not give her a hard time. She’s always loved her sweeties, ever since she was a little girl of 32, bless ‘er.

(screenshot @Bookweevil)

 

[Hollaaa]

Mining your trauma? Why not just get straight to the actual recipe when you're writing and stop live-tweeting your literal bowel movements, non-tw'd allegations and assorted ouchies?

 

[Captainmouse]

Talking of dead content Exotic species, probably caught out by the recent cold snap

 

[SarcasticEllis]

Jack Monroe: blue ticker arse licker

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[FlashBoof]

Some food for thought. My youngest met a Gamer YouTuber last week, just by coincidence. Got a selfie with him and was very excited. Apparently he has over 10 million YouTube subscribers and millions of followers on all social media. He is 17 and larks about whilst playing Minecraft. Her tweet about it got over 10,000 likes. Jack truly is a very small and increasingly irrelevant fish in the Pacific that is social media but I think we (well, I do, for sure!) forget that sometimes. Her lack of support for Marcus and Tom is more annoying to us than anyone else - most don’t or wouldn’t even put Jack in the same breath or thought as worldwide footballing legend that is Marcus, or Michelin starred, prime time TV presenter and proper, actual chef that is Tom.

Also - whilst our Jack increases her engagement stats with absolute nonsense (and repetitive, boring nonsense at that), Ruby gets an featured article in the New Yorker, no less. It’s amazing what a little tv exposure AND hard work/reliability etc can achieve. And not being an absolute lazy grifter!

 

[The Dowager]

I’ll just translate that for you. “Send money, I’m severely ill and am unable to work.”

This is very much what I want to say to my boss when I’m hungover.

 

[Pocahontas]

Anticipating a long and never-ending tirade of veg-chopping, dicing, slicing, flavouring, and cooking, I had pre-emptively allowed myself over an hour to complete the recipe.

So I was gobsmacked when the ingredients took less than 10 minutes to chop and chuck together.

...it's a sandwich.

Who gives themselves an hour to make a fucking sandwich?

It depends. Might have been a pickled mandarin and bean sandwich, in which case the wait would be 4 months, give or take.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Dark lord of Facetune

All of the other threads looking at this thread title like

This is tattle's science thread

 

[Tabitha D]

Late night jackseeker activity afoot:
This is an old article, people may have already seen it. Can't link it for some reason so have copied

'11 months ago today, I turned up to work late, sleepless, an incoherent babbling wreck chewed up by an 18 month landmark court trial and with bright copper dye fading from my wiry, tousled mania of hair. I left my walking stick in the lobby, and limped in to work…to find a hand thrust towards me in a polite gesture of welcome, a smile, a curt hello. She introduced herself. I apologised seven times for my lateness and my pulled-from-a-car-wreck appearance. She was firm and professional, and she smiled at me again. And I felt that selfsame car wreck collide with my solar plexus and toss me down a rabbithole of giddy headspinning highs and that soaring, almost nauseatingly disorienting feeling of time stopping and slowing and turning on its head. I stumbled away, a new crush ablaze across my cheeks and in every tip of my fingers, burning coiled springs in the soles of my feet, a song whispering in the cold, grey, slumbering chamber of my strange little heart. And then I went home, and did what any self respecting 21st century romantic heroine would do; I followed her on Twitter.

Fast forward a few weeks and, having established that my paramour was mutually curious, I found myself standing frozen in my kitchen, petrified, with a wooden spoon in my hand, wondering what to cook for her imminent arrival. I settled on this, and it has become eponymous, to me, with falling in love. It is not flashy, nor expensive; no grand gestures required. It requires a little patience, but very simple ingredients. It is homely, comforting, nourishing, the culinary equivalent of a soft warm body wrapped around your own. It delights, it satisfies, both firm and tender, messy and irreverent, hot and saline and sticky and sweet, and so much more than the sum of its parts.

It took her a month to pluck up the courage to tell me she doesn’t like pasta, but I love her regardless.'

https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2018/02/14/come-to-bed-parmigiana-vg-v-df-gf/

“I settled on this, and it has become eponymous, to me, with falling in love.“

Jack: you mean “synonymous”, not “eponymous”, you ignoramus. If you’re going to use fancy words, like a bargain basement Nigella, at least try to understand what those words ACTUALLY MEAN.

 

[phoebuscartel]

This poor angle appears to have suffered a fatal cringe fly high in heaven lil 1

 

[HotesTilaire]

Jackfruit caterpillar cake with pineapple hats anyone?

I was gonna make you all Fanny’s Small Fry classic banana candles

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I don't watch LOD either. I had to sell my TV to feed the elephant and polar bear.

 

[colouredlines]

I've never heard of Line of Duty outside of this thread.

(Not Jack, just foreign)

From the archives: a year ago today, Jack was planning to teach her son a number of life skills. What became of that?

And of course it wouldn't be Jack without an outrageous lie that takes 10 seconds to disprove:

 

[Orphan_Black]

I like the embroidery yet I don't think she did it! She prob found it in a charity shop, the flowers look machine embroidered, and look at where the pocket flap is missing, that shirt isn't an upcycle, it was originally sold like that. 100% putting my money on it being a charity shop find.

I just can't believe Jack could do something so intricate and fine, in just one weekend. And also, which one is it Jack, are you hype rfocus or hyper distracted? You seem to pick and choose your symptoms.

 

[MancBee]

I've paid my dues already, have mercy.

Me too. I do not need to ever taste one of her recipes again. Even the ones people say are OK, I would rather not bother.

I had my second vaccine yesterday. Fell asleep in the afternoon as I was so tired, slept like a baby all night woke up today feeling OK. So if a good night's sleep is a side effect, I could do with more.

Has Jack had her vaccine yet?