Jack Monroe #183 Someone's fewmmin'

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“Manchester city hotel, how can I help you?”

“Hotel room”

“Certainly, on what dates?”

“We’ll get to that in a minute, just make sure you clean all the fridges for alcohol. I will be checking as soon as I enter...”

“....Certainly”

“I am in RECOVERY...”

“of course madam ...”

“I have 300k Twitter followers, just so you know...”

...

....

“Certainly madam. We still need to decide on the dates... and, your name..?”

“Peeky Mink”

“....Peeky....mink?”

“It’s an alias, the press are all over me... you’ll recognise me when you see me.....”

...

“and the dates mrs Mink?”

“Do you offer discounts for mentions..?”

...

...
 
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I know absolutely zip about kombucha. Some might say I don’t have a scoby-doo...

(I’m so sorry)
 
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She'll be phoning down to reception soon to ask if they fancy a pint when they knock off.

Wonder if she managed to make any connections with the friends of Bill before she arrived? I imagine them all as z listers with bright tans and white teeth a la David platt (can't remember his real name)
Probably with their shirt unbuttoned slightly lower than regular civilians would wear it.
 
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Can we have a half yearly sloppies for a bit of entertainment? December is a long way away and I wouldn’t want us to forget. Squiggle of the year is going to be a tough category, it’s the el Classico of food writers between trifle. Defender and 28k viggle.
 
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I simply HAD to Google david platt as I knew it would bother me. Jack p shepherd. It then got me thinking about Bryan tilsley, was that his dad? Any way, Chris quentin irl. I like to think of Jack out on the town with those faces of Manchester, Jack p nd Chris q, her in her snazzy cords and them in their blinding white shirts, arms linked and all beaming, a bit like morecambe and wise singing bring me sunshine, some tap dancing and all baes for days. Living la vida loca, the high life.
Probably bump into Dean gaffney at some stage in the evening. All kombucha'd right up. Parsley flowing. Tongues loosened, the air thick with showbiz stories, media darlings of The North West.

Eta I know Dean g is not Northern but I'm tired and he's the best I could summon right now for this scenario

Eta
 
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The Press Club
 
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Martin platt was his dad Bryan is nick dad. I am sorry I know this
 
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O.M.G. This is COMEDY GOLD!
Excruciating, incoherent, self-indulgent shite. Rik the poet lives.
 
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Imagine assuming that a hotel wouldn’t remove alcohol at your request because you’re not a “celebrity”. Then tweeting about it. Bit embarrassing that really.
 
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This is genius!! “Parsley flowing” For some reason, Dean Gaffney being there makes perfect sense.


...and gives me an excuse to share this picture I shared to the Peaches Geldof thread. I thought this was Dean Gaffney hanging out with Paula and Bob, but it’s...
Roger Daltrey!
 
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Parsley is a very rich nutrient food used to to help with arthritis, cancers etc and can also be used on facial cleansers stuff. So she's left alot of bread crumbs there. Unless it's for a recipie, but it's weird to bring your own.

As part of my uni career I studied nutrition quite extensively.
 
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God Paula was really beautiful.
I'm glad you understand why Dean gaffney had to be there, thank you. It was originally Jim Davidson but I thought it would turn too dark too fast. This way they have a chance of a fun night, maybe a couple of cross words but be all hugs by the time the sun comes up, they'll be walking home, still arm in arm but not as jaunty. They'll have obtained trench coats from somewhere and taking it in turns to swig from the mini bar carafe, into which Dean gaffney has thoughtfully decanted the yakults and Jack has mixed in the kombuchas to give it a creative touch. They feel rich as Kings tonight.
I might let Roger Daltrey turn up for a bit, for old times sake. Or auld lang syne as we call it on the celeb circuit.
 
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"I've not booked under my name". Like anyone would know who she was or give a flying fuck anyway. Jack's hardly Beyonce
Just catching up FFS Jack, you are nobody, or as good as, 99% of the population haven't a clue who you are or perhaps may have a moment of recollection of the Katy Hopkins case if brought up!
 
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Martin platt was his dad Bryan is nick dad. I am sorry I know this
I'm really glad you know. Its a long time since I watched the street. Details are hazy. Do Martin and Gail still exist? How about David? Please ignore me if this is triggering. Think I should have spoilerered this, not very nice for tomorrow's grunkas.
Apologies in advance.
 
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I haven't watched it in years my mum is a big fan. I think David is still in it and Martin died( I think)
 
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I actually love you a bit. This whole story. The trench coats! Auld lang syne! It really would turn too dark too fast with Jim Davidson there, good thinking.

On topic. Jack, please just swallow your pride and promote/retweet the Full Time campaign. It’s a great thing, and you can just ignore the “but, but” squiggles and hold your head high.
 
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