Jack Monroe #178 I am a human being and I make mistakes
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Catching up, this feels like a personal attack. 
Deep breath.
So. A traditional paella valenciana comprises:
Bomba rice, water, chicken, rabbit, beans (not sure exactly what the variety is called in English because it's quite specific, garrofó in Catalan. Not rinsed baked beans), a small amount of tomàquet triturat (passata probably the closest), saffron, rosemary, and olive oil. Possibly garlic, possibly snails.
There are other varieties: paella de marisc (seafood paella) is the most famous internationally. Mixing seafood and meat (mar i muntanya, or sea and mountain) is only for tourists, and adding chorizo is a hangable offence.
Valencians get arsey over ANY deviation. Onions? No. Peas? duck off. Stock? A dangerous break with tradition.
Jack's dish has artichoke, sundried tomatoes, mixed mushrooms, leek, fennel, red pepper and home made chilli garlic oil. Chilli and sundried tomatoes are not used in Valencian/Catalan cuisine. Also, in a region that prides itself on seasonality, the chances of wintery leeks, summery red peppers, and autumnal mushrooms sharing a dish are slim to none.
Finally, the word paella means "frying pan". It's not specifically that big black double-handled pan - it's all frying pans, so you might see in the shop something labelled paella per a truites and that would be an omelette pan. In short: not everything cooked in a paella (pan) is a paella (dish), but a paella (dish) can only be cooked in a paella (pan).
There is another rice dish, arròs al forn, which means "baked rice" and is - you've guessed it - baked. But Jack hasn't made that, either...it's actually tasty.
That is an abomination.
All I can think is that she was grunkaing here, saw me share the link to That Man's paella controversy, and is hoping to start something similar? Then she can play the victim and squiggles will rush to her defence, because when those silly foreigners insist that words have meanings, they're just being food snobs!
...and breathe.
PS after witnessing her pronounce "cabal" I would dearly love to hear Jack say "paella".
PPS if any Frauen visit Barcelona and would like to eat rice, go here: https://www.grupxativa.com/ca/restaurants/larrosseria-xativa/ They have a few branches around the city, and as well as various paelles they have other Catalan/Valencian rice dishes (like my favourite, arròs negre). Don't go to a tourist restaurant on Les Rambles/in El Gòtic, they will take your money and give you tit food, just like Jack.
Deep breath.
So. A traditional paella valenciana comprises:
Bomba rice, water, chicken, rabbit, beans (not sure exactly what the variety is called in English because it's quite specific, garrofó in Catalan. Not rinsed baked beans), a small amount of tomàquet triturat (passata probably the closest), saffron, rosemary, and olive oil. Possibly garlic, possibly snails.
There are other varieties: paella de marisc (seafood paella) is the most famous internationally. Mixing seafood and meat (mar i muntanya, or sea and mountain) is only for tourists, and adding chorizo is a hangable offence.
Valencians get arsey over ANY deviation. Onions? No. Peas? duck off. Stock? A dangerous break with tradition.
Jack's dish has artichoke, sundried tomatoes, mixed mushrooms, leek, fennel, red pepper and home made chilli garlic oil. Chilli and sundried tomatoes are not used in Valencian/Catalan cuisine. Also, in a region that prides itself on seasonality, the chances of wintery leeks, summery red peppers, and autumnal mushrooms sharing a dish are slim to none.
Finally, the word paella means "frying pan". It's not specifically that big black double-handled pan - it's all frying pans, so you might see in the shop something labelled paella per a truites and that would be an omelette pan. In short: not everything cooked in a paella (pan) is a paella (dish), but a paella (dish) can only be cooked in a paella (pan).
There is another rice dish, arròs al forn, which means "baked rice" and is - you've guessed it - baked. But Jack hasn't made that, either...it's actually tasty.
That is an abomination.
All I can think is that she was grunkaing here, saw me share the link to That Man's paella controversy, and is hoping to start something similar? Then she can play the victim and squiggles will rush to her defence, because when those silly foreigners insist that words have meanings, they're just being food snobs!
...and breathe.
PS after witnessing her pronounce "cabal" I would dearly love to hear Jack say "paella".
PPS if any Frauen visit Barcelona and would like to eat rice, go here: https://www.grupxativa.com/ca/restaurants/larrosseria-xativa/ They have a few branches around the city, and as well as various paelles they have other Catalan/Valencian rice dishes (like my favourite, arròs negre). Don't go to a tourist restaurant on Les Rambles/in El Gòtic, they will take your money and give you tit food, just like Jack.
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This looks bad enough from a distance but it’s truly horrific when you zoom in. It looks like stuff you’d dredge up from the bottom of a pond.
And what exactly makes it a paella, anyway?
Nessie has a few words for Jack in a language she will understand.
She'll have seen other IG foodies doing it. The difference being, they show a picture of some lovely looking food, hype it a bit, then actually put the recipe in another post. I'd guess it is a traffic directing exercise, but they don't abuse it like Jack does.
Have you not seen Slimming Hurled?I love you dear heart for saying how much youeating. Me too.
Perhaps Slimming World could sign up Jackie next. Gold stars all round with weight loss cos no-one would eat that fuckers recipes would they.
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This is killing me, haha. MC Dad's crazy Auntie V swears she took pics of Nessie when she was in Scotland in the early 70s. Brought the film back to Oz, put it in to be developed the the shop magically disappeared when she went to pick the film up! I really want to show her this but I don't want to send her off into orbit.
@Marj24 that is the stuff of nightmares 
Apologies! I still maintain there is more than a whiff of JM slop about it, perhaps the OG poster is a fan of hers? I have also seen something strongly resembling 'Brenda's Bangers' on Slimming Hurled x@Marj24 that is the stuff of nightmares
Edited for typo
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Just looked on insta can confirm there was a bangers dish in the style of Brenda’s on there
It’s been said before that Mackies recipes borrow heavily from SW and BBC good food
It’s been said before that Mackies recipes borrow heavily from SW and BBC good food
I found this article on 'Typical mistakes cooking Paella you should avoid':
- You use any type of rice
- You add any ingredient
- You add stock cubes
- You stir the rice
Guess how many of these mistakes Jack makes in her 'sort-of-paella'.
The article is from The Escuela de Arroces y Paella Valenciana (School of Rice and Valencian Paella) in Spain.
- You use any type of rice
- You add any ingredient
- You add stock cubes
- You stir the rice
Guess how many of these mistakes Jack makes in her 'sort-of-paella'.
All of them
The article is from The Escuela de Arroces y Paella Valenciana (School of Rice and Valencian Paella) in Spain.
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First thing I saw this morning was the 'paella' picture on Twitter. Noted that it was not paella. Came here to see hundreds of messages also confirming this. Somone needs to report this to the police, or at least send a letter.
JM is long overdue a visit from the food police x
I’m catching up, so apols if already said.
That is the Hilaria Baldwin of paella. Oh no, hang on...she was trying to be Spanish.
That is the Hilaria Baldwin of paella. Oh no, hang on...she was trying to be Spanish.
The absolute best thing about this very public meltdown was the phrase "could cost me everything". - what's that then, could cost her all of the money that she insists that she doesn't have? Weird with Monroe how more is often said between the lines than is apparent in the general thrust of the message being put across.
The vegan paella from Bettina Campolucci Bordi is nice btw. Lots of freshly roasted veggies on top, not from a jar with oil (I realise Valencians might not accept that as a paella, but that's ok to me - if you want to eat vegan recips, that's part of the deal usually
)
www.bettinaskitchen.com
)
Multi-Vegetable Vegan Paella and Avo Aioli Recipe
After living in Spain for the last 11 years, this is my vegan contribution to Spain’s beloved national dish. It’s a jam-packed delicious version that converts the weary. For the topping - (200 g / 7 o
www.bettinaskitchen.com
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Something about word chunder makes me hoot everytime. Is it what happened to Jack's undercarriage the other day?
I'm sure someone has already said this, but I'm grunkaing merrily along and just wanted to contribute something for once. Suspicious minds might point out that all these recipe requests and subsequent cheery answers and reposts of links to her site not only make everything look all sweetness and light and 'food' related, but also push *unfortunate* content down the timeline.
Solid twit activity from Jack over the last few days. I'm BUSY, but here for catchups when I can. Nothing like shitting all over decent educators, doubling down, waving lawyers around and then having to produce a guided apology to demonstrate who you truly are. Add in seasoning of *incredible* rudeness to someone who asked you to delete their personal and sensitive data and the news that lawyers have hypothetically been employed elsewhere too. Wow, I get that JM is a *master* of cognitive dissonance these days, but I wonder if there must be some tiny corner of her brain that gets all jittery when she looks in the mirror these days. Surely there is.
(Also hello all, RL is a bit hellish atm, you funny lot are such a welcome respite for my brain)
I don’t mind the paella not being authentic. I’d prefer it if people started their intros ‘this is my version of a **** but if you want a really good one go and look at ******. This is just a quick and tasty rice dish but the word paella will give you an idea of what it’s like’, but anyone who isn’t a native specialist cooks inauthentic versions of dishes all the time. I especially don’t mind it from someone who is supposed to be promoting quick easy ways of getting people to cook. I don’t even mind the promotion of her website to get more clicks as that’s what she’s supposed to be doing. The part I mind and that she simultaneously rattles her tip jar and says she’s giving us free recipes when in fact the ad revenue is paying for them and then doesn’t publish them anyway.
Wait - how does she pronounce cabal?!
Thankful I didn’t have nightmares about that meal last night, but have woken up with no appetite
Thankful I didn’t have nightmares about that meal last night, but have woken up with no appetite
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