Jack Monroe #170 Outrageous grifting dirtbag

[colouredlines]

She must've been having a weird yummy mummy phase or something, 'my pint sized prince'

Yeah, WTF is going on with that post? It's like the messages your mum sends right after she learns how to do emojis.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

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can’t believe she “Krish-mated“ Pot Noodles! “Pot-mate”?

 

[HotesTilaire]

A canal/cabal/cable is the collective term for a bunch of Sad HausFraus and mithering bullying ninnies

How about a twunt of twactivists?

Edit to add. 90s cool kids- her love for pot noodles further convince me that she is in fact Peter off Fist of Fun

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

.

Check out what was in the Brexit tin thief's likes. Nothing to see here, just Richard Bacon being pleased at the 5 star review for the programme Jack saw fit to slag off when it was first announced.

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I couldn't remember what she said so I went back for a quick look:

Screenshots from @Silver Linings

 

[MancBee]

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There is something off about that food parcel Tweet. There are 20 odd senior schools in Birkenhead. There is no mention of the school or the food parcel provider. The schools are not on holiday in Birkenhead until Monday, so there is no way to know if there will be an additional parcel with the perishable food that will be delivered when they are actually off school.

Typical knee jerk Jack, assuming the worst, "how is this happening" without first investigating the truth of the situation.


And Jack is off on one again about Boris, she is on a centre right think tank for God sake.

 

[Eurgh]

Imagine your own mother complaining on social media about what a chore it was to look after you when you were ill and basically saying she doesn’t believe you.

 

[Mr Krabs]

I’m increasingly convinced the editor of the Guardian is Edina Monsoon.

I always thought Jack was like a really boring version of Eddie. Both are very childish and selfish, scatty and disorganised, very unappreciative about their privileged lives, suck up to anyone who is a celeb or media darling. Poor SB is going to grow up like Saffy having to be the parent.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Oh bless thank you, I’ll give it a listen love the repeating behaviours thing! It’s so true, if old behaviours no longer serve you why keep them?

Spoiler: Long n not everyone’s ☕

It’s funny cos if someone gives up dairy it’s a non issue, accepted at face value and no one checks if they’re really sure they’ve got a problem with dairy and it’s not just that milk, the supermarket, or that day, or a bad patch in their life. But if you give up alcohol you may as well host an Insta live to answer all the questions it brings up, how much doubt or outright refusal to believe you’ll be met with, I think that’s a huge part of why anonymity works so well cos you don’t need to invite those opinions into your decision making process.

Everyone’s rock bottom will be different, because everyone is different. There’s nothing wrong with not having a glamorous or exciting or tragic origins story, most chairs you hear are from normal people who went through some shit and are now trying their best to work through it all. It’s mental health at the end of the day, working on that is a very normal thing to do. This doesn’t align with Jack’s desires for yet another “against all odds” branding opportunity so naturally she had the worst alcoholism, claiming long tenure recovery she hasn’t got, the most evil celeb sponsor, it’s just tiresome.

Jack sees this as another gem in her crown of celebrity, like the tragic downfall of the maverick outsider turned tabloid fodder superstar, especially with the stories she wheels out all orientating around staff / success / locations / work. Sometimes I think the anonymity does us a disservice as it’ll always be a case of the emptiest vessels make the loudest noise, the only people that’ll do these sorts of press pieces will be sick because they’ve not understood you just do not do this. Awfully guache, darling! x

Spoiler: Reply

I wish I could love your posts many times over!

I hope it’s not the case but to many here it might seem like I bang on about AA a lot but this is the only place I really talk about it other than in AA or at home (my husband is in the fellowship too). But with Jack, I feel like I should counter what she says about AA and sobriety. She opened the door by saying she was in AA - if she hadn’t I would have just rolled my eyes at the 200 units per week and put it down to another Jackanory. Plus I feel blessed to have sobriety.

Alcoholism really isn’t something to use as a badge because it’s a terrible illness. That’s us over a year since we’ve had a face to face AA meeting where I am, that’s really tough, even with online meetings and other support (for me, this support does NOT involve robots).

I’m a huge fan of the 12-Step programme. I would never tell anyone they were an alcoholic but I would tell anyone who would listen that it’s a fantastic way of living

 

[colouredlines]

I know men who refuse to include a non-alcoholic drink in their round.

In Ireland, a woman not taking a drink is regarded as a pregnancy announcement. Even a reason given like "I'm on antibiotics" is argued - "but you're grand on amoxillin!" I like a drink, but this really appals me. I think it's to do with the drinkers being afraid that their behaviour is being called into question, and worse, that it will be remembered with clarity and judgement by the non-drinker the next day. Anything but taking a look at themselves.

I remember having a coke at the pub once in Dublin. I had just started a new job and I have really low tolerance for alcohol so didn't want to get drunk in front of my new co-workers. Someone asked me if I was on antibiotics! Wtf, how is that an acceptable reaction?

One of my best mates is an alcoholic. He's been sober for years now, and he's happy to talk about his struggles, but I remember once being out with him a year or so into his sobriety. People kept saying "aren't you drinking?" "ah, just one" "come on, it's a party" until he turned around and shouted, "STOP IT, I'M A FUCKING ALCOHOLIC!" That worked, but not a solution you always want to go to!

I've noticed the same thing happens to my Muslim friends - they get all this "but aren't you curious about alcohol?" that never, ever stops.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

It looks undercooked?!

True to form.

 

[blurstoftimes]

A friend of mine has worked with Stacey Dooley in the past.

She's more of a presenter than a journalist I guess (as a lot of the ground work has already been done by producers on her shows) but obviously she's talented enough to front said shows.

I imagine that's the bit that grinds Jack's gears, as she has no discernable talent to speak of and no warmth about her whatsoever.

Given that she is an actively terrible cook with absolutely no charisma or onscreen presence whatsoever, Jack is actually the fucking luckiest person on the planet to have been given as many opportunities as she has. It boggles my mind!

 

[Harrybosch]

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The person who tweeted the photo can't provide name of the company, even though her 'friend' sent her the pic. Hmmmm.

EtA, instead of immediately taking to twitter, why does the Tweeter not help her friend contact the company, school, LA or whoever is responsible for this?

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

I have just read an article in the Guardian about not having to dress smartly when working from home. A few snippets from the article

Dressing down in a comfortable Dries van Noten tracksuit.
Wearing my Jimmy Choo flats to the doctors.
Don't know when I'll get back in my Monolos.
I wore my suits and silk blouses to impress and intimidate.
He misses his white linen suit the most.

These are in an article in a newspaper purporting to be left wing, a paper with it's roots in Manchester. This is a paper that Jack writes for.

No wonder she thinks she is poor, if her contemporaries in the media think having 5 or 6 pairs of gorgeous shoes in the cupboard for work purposes is normal. And I bet they are not from TK Max either!

By the way, what does a "humanitarian development consultant" actually do?

The next ‘article’ claims the average spend on a U.K. wedding is £30,000 and to save money you could just go and register for $35.

It is getting more and more like the Breakdown (have we seen Jack’s contribution yet?) which told me this morning that Instagram was not a true reflection of real life.

If Jack surrounds herself with people who write this tripe for a living no wonder she thinks she deserves a collective noun for talking shite on zoom for two hours.

 

[veryfondoftea]

The brambly mice laugh at poor Cooper behind his back. They have actually made saddles and bridles so that they can corral the magpies that also scratched Cooper's nose. Then they will ride into battle armed with thorny brambles and avenge Terry the sparrow by forcing Jack to eat her own slop and apologise publicly to Cooper for destroying his street cred.

I’m imagining someone new entering this thread at this point, reading this paragraph and being like: ‘what....the....fuck?!!!’

 

[Emmapism]

It's awful, but in my experience (limited) there's little you can do and saying something probably won't make any difference. I feel for you. It's terrible to witness, especially when you care about someone.

Spoiler: OT Alcoholism

I've had this with my Mum. She gave up smoking and took up drinking. She's not a large lady and would get through 4 bottles of wine a week at first. Then 5/6.

Any time you mentioned it she would get super defensive and be really horrible to you. Because she wasn't getting blind drunk, or drinking LOADS (this is loads to me as someone who has the odd glass of wine a couple of times a month) she didn't see that there was a problem. But she was drinking every single day.

When I last spoke to my Dad about it she had cut down. But we haven't been able to have a proper chat about it because of lockdown/never having time alone to talk.

The last Christmas we all had together she got drunk and spent all of her time in the kitchen. My sister and I deliberately only had one glass of fizz but she bought loads even though neither of us are big drinkers.

She wouldn't take any help from us with cooking when offered/didn't ask for any. Then complained she had missed Christmas because she was in the kitchen the whole time. Snapped at my sister, started crying.....it was honestly the worst Christmas I've ever had.

I tried to smooth things over and she turned to me and said that she wished we hadn't come home for Christmas at all. I still think about that all the time.

 

[blurstoftimes]

Her first agent allegedly stole several years of royalties from her first two books. She talks about it here but I strongly recommend Ctrl+F for "agent" because this is, even by Jack standards, unreadably self-pitying:

Poverty lingers a septic wound, choleric, stenching, bursting rancid all over your Sunday best.

You jest at scars, that never felt a wound, I muttered to my phone screen as an avatar of a sneering man stared back, his grainy face positioned just to the left of his barbed jab about why a ‘best…

cookingonabootstrap.com

ETA: I don't like to go into conspiracy theories but it's worth noting that she had already left her first agent (the alleged thief) by the time her second book came out. Could be a contractual thing but always struck me as odd that this person stole her royalties from a book she had published while represented by someone else.

This has got to be the worst thing she has ever written...all ending in a beg of course. Was Lord Jesus Christ her girlfriend at this time?

 

[MancBee]

And she says she left behind the chard when she moved from her seafront flat. Didn't she recently say that the chard had moved with her and she has had it for over 10 years?

Who can afford a seafront flat when they are in their 20's? (unless it is somewhere like Rhyl, where they would pay you to live there)

 

[Aquamarina]

If I met Jack I’d say, “Why are you still trotting out your poverty story after all these years? Surely you’ve moved on by now. It’s a bit gauche darling.”

 

[HotesTilaire]

What are the odds for her being chased by a swarm of bees in the style of Jameela Jamil?

At this stage I wouldn’t be all that surprised if she claimed to have been stung by a swarm of Jameela Jamils

I love Suede (specifically Brett) from the olden days. No time for that “Film Star” song, 100% animal nitrate for me, with its dated “now you're over 21” reference

 

[Vanelope]

I love the way everyone's ignored this apart from the squiggle who originally suggested her. But also, what a pointless reply. Great, you've got a few recipes for that, maybe link to one? Elaborate, somehow?

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Nigella does a no churn bourbon salted caramel ice cream. I made it at Christmas with brandy in the freezer in a tub. Whisk cream and canned caramel and salt basically. Its on her website.
Google exists. It’s really good at what it does. It is now a verb that means looking stuff up.
People are dumb