Jack Monroe #170 Outrageous grifting dirtbag

[Pocahontas]

If she could just get consumed whole by a triffid that would be fantastic. I want to see a Jack-shaped lump comically slide down its gullet (do triffids have gullets?) like when a python inhales a deer.

@SweetTransvestite omg this must be how all the mancs felt when they realised they'd been going to the same entertainment venues. I was going to go to Pizza Express that day but I went home and ate pizza-flavoured tofu instead because it was going out of date imminently. Everyone else has such interesting anecdotes about their life and my anecdote is 'I nearly ate a pizza once'.

Spoiler: Off topic about Triffids

Triffids don’t consume whole, they sting and then wait for the body to decompose. The probably have a gut full of acid of some sort, like a pitcher plant. So sorry but this is one of my favourite books and I have to geek at you. (I know they’re not real but the thought of Jack being chased by one is amusing)

 

[Ladderedtights]

Looking forward to Jack’s hot take on Orlando Bloom’s morning routine in about 6 days time...

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Suffolkmum]

GARDEN JACK CHAOS ODDS:

* gets another splinter 1/2
* pricked by a rose 2/1
* nettle-related drama 2/1
* nettle-related drama followed by a nettle recipe 5/1
* nettle-related drama followed by the promise of a nettle recipe that never materialises 3/1
* stung by a bee, chaos ensues 3/1
* stung by a bee, develops deadly allergy 4/1
* chased by a swarm of bees and ends up getting hit by a car and having bee drama for the rest of her life 50/1 (Jameela Jamil got there first)
* stung by a bee, says "ouch" then laughs it off 50000000000/1
* feeds local wildlife something inappropriate 5/1
* hilariously mistakes a hose for a snake 6/1
* gets eaten by a venus fly trap 1000/1 (but a girl can dream...)

4/1Stung by a bee develops deadly allergy.

 

[Orphan_Black]

(Sorry, I couldn't resist)

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[bladiesla]

Let's be the change (or just give me yours)

Apparently being the change means tweeting platitudes. Because we know that solves poverty (just an idea to bring to the Tory think tank)

 

[Flash123]

She’s away to bed. But I bet she sits up for hours liking tweets telling her how wonderful she is

 

[SadieHQ]

Off topic but delightful to see some fellow Suede fans on the last thread @Hollaaa and @HotesTilaire - when not here grunking for England they are another one of my very favorite things!

 

[bladiesla]

She's asking for it wanting to know what their collective noun would be. An irritation? A grift?

Would love to reply to her ' a canal / canal/ cable'. (But SHAN'T)

 

[Pocahontas]

View attachment 496584View attachment 496585

Jack saying ‘goodnight’ ...

Spoiler: Annoying gif sorry 😂

View attachment 496584View attachment 496585

Jack saying ‘goodnight’ ...

 

[MaineCoonMama]

View attachment 496582


(Sorry, I couldn't resist)

"DON'T FEED ME JACKIE!"

 

[Mr Krabs]

Apparently being the change means tweeting platitudes. Because we know that solves poverty (just an idea to bring to the Tory think tank)

Imagine being one of the professionals who've worked hard to prepare for that talk, and JM just turns up like

 

[Orphan_Black]

"DON'T FEED ME JACKIE!"

bleeping hell, I'm actually wheezing with laughter!!!

(Jack! Borrow me your ECG thingy, I might be having a heart attack )

 

[EllaEm87]

Spoiler: Off topic about Triffids

Triffids don’t consume whole, they sting and then wait for the body to decompose. The probably have a gut full of acid of some sort, like a pitcher plant. So sorry but this is one of my favourite books and I have to geek at you. (I know they’re not real but the thought of Jack being chased by one is amusing)

Was reading this thinking “I thought they weren’t real?!” - was questioning my whole reality. Help.

bleeping hell, I'm actually wheezing with laughter!!!

(Jack! Borrow me your ECG thingy, I might be having a heart attack )

The three lead heart monitor please! The 12 lead is faaaaar too accurate!

edit

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

4/1Stung by a bee develops deadly allergy.

What are the odds for her being chased by a swarm of bees in the style of Jameela Jamil?

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

She should be bleeping ashamed of herself. She’s demonstrably done absolutely duck all but line her own pockets for this entire year.

My boyfriend has a stressful and often horrible job, yet every day over Christmas that he had off he came to a charity I volunteer with and did kitchen grunt work to make Christmas dinners to send out.

If Jack had done anything - anything - that didn’t raise her profile or an invoice, it’d be plastered all over her socials like those #gifted tins she offloaded to a foodbank with her name all over them.

The reification of pointless wankers like Jack is the entire reason we’re in such a mess. All the people who’re actually living it are too busy surviving to make money talking about it.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[FrumpyCat]

View attachment 496522View attachment 496521

twit.

 

[HotesTilaire]

What are the odds for her being chased by a swarm of bees in the style of Jameela Jamil?

At this stage I wouldn’t be all that surprised if she claimed to have been stung by a swarm of Jameela Jamils

I love Suede (specifically Brett) from the olden days. No time for that “Film Star” song, 100% animal nitrate for me, with its dated “now you're over 21” reference