Jack Monroe #170 Outrageous grifting dirtbag

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HotesTilaire

HotesTilaire

Brilliant, in 2018 she was using the old “eat with your eyes” trick to pile the tomato and lemon and tinned fish on the weird black squid ink pasta (I AM BOAKING WRITING THIS) so that it was presented...in the pan...that she would need to remove it from...in order to plate it....to present it to these alleged “friends”.
Boak.

Edit 🥕he can get in the pan with it
 
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E

emm

traumatised sideboard said:
It would be my dream for her to be on Masterchef. Sadly she would step on glass/have multiple bees sting her lips/swallow a particularly sharp crisp the day before and have to bow out. The voice-overs for her dishes would run on forever.

'And Jack has cooked a spiralised egg, smoked cucumber, macerated liver, soft slow kipper and swollen lentil self-love stew with a bulgar wheat granita, peanut butter velouté, radiator-dried mushroom crackers, kale dust, a hyacinth pesto, freeze-dried seaweed crumble and a salad of eucalyptus leaves, custard, a single Del Monte pineapple slice, tea-pickled caviar, an entire punnet of cherry tomatoes and a gram of avocado topped with truffle shavings, yakitori seasoning and conceit.'
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"all bunged into a curry" :LOL:
 
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FlashBoof

FlashBoof

traumatised sideboard said:
It would be my dream for her to be on Masterchef. Sadly she would step on glass/have multiple bees sting her lips/swallow a particularly sharp crisp the day before and have to bow out. The voice-overs for her dishes would run on forever.

'And Jack has cooked a spiralised egg, smoked cucumber, macerated liver, soft slow kipper and swollen lentil self-love stew with a bulgar wheat granita, peanut butter velouté, radiator-dried mushroom crackers, kale dust, a hyacinth pesto, freeze-dried seaweed crumble and a salad of eucalyptus leaves, custard, a single Del Monte pineapple slice, tea-pickled caviar, an entire punnet of cherry tomatoes and a gram of avocado topped with truffle shavings, yakitori seasoning and conceit.'
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The prize for winning the internet today is surely yours, TS. A fantastic (if slightly understated) description!
 
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Mr Krabs

Mr Krabs

I think she's trying to do a Nigella by taking the pan to the table, all casual like, but that only works if you've actually cooked it in that pan.

That's got to be one of the worst things she's ever made, and I say that as an official suvivor of her peach and chickpea curry. The pot needs a bloody good scrub, and the squid ink pasta looks like liquorice wheels.

I'm not a vegan or anything but wouldn't squid ink be pretty cruel? They release it when they're stressed or in self-defence, so I can't imagine eating it if I were vegan-ish (or at all TBH). Although she doesn't care about the poor pigs in her eyelid sausages so I doubt she gives a tit about squid.
 
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Lanie

Lanie

That pasta looks like foul. I love pasta of all types but if that got sent out to me in a restaurant it would get sent straight back.

It looks undercooked?! 🤢🤢🤢

It also looks like someone was Saturday night sick on top of a pile of twigs
 
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traumatised sideboard

traumatised sideboard

@Mr Krabs squid ink isn't something you harvest like honey, you have to kill the squid, slice it open and pierce the ink sac. I do like the idea of someone's official job title being Senior Squid Scarer though.
 
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MaineCoonMama

MaineCoonMama

Does anyone know what squid ink tastes like?
I'm imagining like when you bite a pen but I don't think that's the case.
 
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BananaSmith

BananaSmith

HotesTilaire said:
Devastating. Respectfully, you have spelt angle wrong. I know it’s due to the grief but it looks like you don’t use Pythagoras daily, unlike someone we know 📐
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Damn it!

Had been really looking forward to using it too, couldn't photograph the first one I spotted as it was at a BUSY road junction and I'd either had got run over or taken away if I'd tried to photograph it.

Can I blame it on auto 🥕?
 
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HotesTilaire

HotesTilaire

BananaSmith said:
Damn it!

Had been really looking forward to using it too, couldn't photograph the first one I spotted as it was at a BUSY road junction and I'd either had got run over or taken away if I'd tried to photograph it.

Can I blame it on auto 🥕?
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Yes, absolutely x
 
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Lanie

Lanie

I will give her one thing. Her food gives you the urban experience, a Sunday morning after a heavy Saturday night experience.

Everything is mushy and in various shades of brown and red with hints of yellow.
If she does ever make it big she should open a place called urban eats.
 
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Mr Krabs

Mr Krabs

traumatised sideboard said:
@Mr Krabs squid ink isn't something you harvest like honey, you have to kill the squid, slice it open and pierce the ink sac. I do like the idea of someone's official job title being Senior Squid Scarer though.
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That's horrible. Stupidly, I assumed, they did something to harvest the ink, but killing it is much worse. I have a soft spot for squid and octopi. They're such cool little creatures.
 
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Clovis

Clovis

I'd love to see one of her mortifying telly appearances turn up in Gogglebox. They don't hold back!
 
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