Jack Monroe #170 Outrageous grifting dirtbag

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If this was served to me at a dinner party I'd pitch myself out of the nearest open window
 
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And strawberries too.

I get tingly lips if I eat cheap kippers (I think I'm allergic to the artificial smoke),I avoid them like the plague now just in case it develops into something more serious
 
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Also if they are over this evening how does that work are we allowed to meet more than one person and can we meet indoors ?
 
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and then be blaming some kind of health issue I would genuinley LOVE to see her on masterchef
The bit where they have to sniff and look at ingredients to tell what they are would be hilarious with Jack.
 
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I'd like to see Jack creating some dishes on tv for a group of elderly people, all of whom are not scared of giving totally unfiltered, honest feedback!
 
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This was about the time I started to really take an interest. I had read the trans stories and possibly the alcoholism one around a similar time. I was also in the Mrs Gloss group at the time she was and I was already following on social media so had seen her very traditionally feminine photos, much more feminine then than before the transitioning revelation.
I was reasonably baffled, I had to go back and search the trans stories as thought I'd got the wrong person or imagined it!
 
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It would be my dream for her to be on Masterchef. Sadly she would step on glass/have multiple bees sting her lips/swallow a particularly sharp crisp the day before and have to bow out. The voice-overs for her dishes would run on forever.

'And Jack has cooked a spiralised egg, smoked cucumber, macerated liver, soft slow kipper and swollen lentil self-love stew with a bulgar wheat granita, peanut butter velouté, radiator-dried mushroom crackers, kale dust, a hyacinth pesto, freeze-dried seaweed crumble and a salad of eucalyptus leaves, custard, a single Del Monte pineapple slice, tea-pickled caviar, an entire punnet of cherry tomatoes and a gram of avocado topped with truffle shavings, yakitori seasoning and conceit.'
 
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A known troll-ish account has posted this to NotJack. A conundrum now. If NotJack was truly not Jack, then I'm sure they'd respond with a breezy, "Thanks, I get my stuff from Debenhams," but as this is NotJack, they'll surely know by the name of the account that it's baiting them. Hmm.

Edited to add: the pineapple hat for @traumatised sideboard 's bot - [actual] chef's kiss
 
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Is she having a dinner party/ squid pasta endurance? I thought you couldn’t see your friends yet? I thought my mum told me forensically about uk rules....

edit- sorry I had a #majormisunderstanding it was just some embarrassing slop from the olden days
 
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If she'd go on Mastercheff she'd make her famous chickpea peach curry and go on and on about

For desert, the flacid yorkies with Del Monte tinned fruit #ad

Actually, just thinking I would love her on Celebrity Masterchef, with Grace Dent as a judge, and then servind this monstrosity

 
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Getting jizz involved is probably taking it a bit far but you'd need a tactical escape of some kind, wouldn't you?
 
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Nearly crapped my pants earlier when some lady walked passed me in town talking about "triangulating her illness" into her phone ( still not sure how you do that and why she used THAT word.) Still looked at her like she had just said she gave Satan a bj
 
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