Jack Monroe #17 The shed is dead, shaved her head, on the beg for a left-hand Smeg

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A lot of my work is with families who are experiencing poverty. They would never waste time or money rinsing their hoops or using peaches in a 'curry'. It is really insulting to suggest that is what 'poor' people to eat. I run parent groups. I'm no chef, barely even a cook, but I can show groups ideas that take little skill and cost less than a few quid for a family of 4.

It isn't rocket science but access to ingredeients is a big issue and even more so now as parents dont have an hour or so child free to go to the nearest supermarket. There are lots of people who don't rely on foodbank's but need to know about good honest cooking with easily available ingredients that dont make them feel bleeping inferior...

She is a patronising duck. I can't think of one of her recipes that I would encourage people to try.
 
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The shed is back in action, with Hellmans backing. I cant help thinking there's something lacking.
 
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The thing is, she knows her target audience are people on a low income, possibly foodbank users so why isn’t she catering to them with simple nourishing food instead of trying to tart up cacio e pepe instead of spaghetti hoops on toast?

I can see why corned beef was used on DKL as it’s a staple donation at a foodbank so would come in handy. Why is she looking for an alternative to pasta by rinsing spaghetti when it’s cheap to buy in bulk and is very often donated to foodbanks? Many don’t need to improvise.

She’s just doing everything the wrong way around. She wants to be known for being this maverick but she’s coming across as a complete idiot and she can’t even see it. She’s that caught up in herself and her vision of herself she can’t see what’s right infront of her.
 
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What is the Twitter equivalent of vaguebooking? Vaguetweeter, Vaguetwit? Whatever it is, it's childish. Like a five year old saying "I know something you don't know"
She’s trying to entice the blue ticks to respond. That is her oxygen. She couldn’t give a shite about any of her other followers.

According to Twitter she’s still sober, still her & SB is fine...no word if Mrs J is a ok...
Mrs J is a bit player in this whole drama. It is ALL ABOUT JACK. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to live with that level of DRAMA every day while also holding down a highly stressful, important and serious job.

Google tells me that chicken porridge is a traditional Korean dish. I didn't read the recipe because I find chickens unsettling, but it looks like a gloupy type of soup.
They do a variation of this in Singapore too (and China and Indonesia), and much as I love most Asian food I found the chicken porridge (congee) disgusting. It’s a very sloppy texture and bland as anything.
And Jack most certainly didn’t invent it.

So come on guys, what do we all think she will make in the shitshed for her first recipe?

I’m going with her lasagne, replacing the horse spunk with Hellman’s. Your turn.
A mayonnaise curry obvs!

So come on guys, what do we all think she will make in the shitshed for her first recipe?

I’m going with her lasagne, replacing the horse spunk with Hellman’s. Your turn.
Or maybe she will do one of her “seductive” readings while pouring mayo all over herself. At this point, nothing would surprise me.
 
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Can you taste the mayo in the cake? Looking for a chocolate cake recipe that's not too complicated
Nope. It replaces the fat/egg element you'd normally have in a cake. It is a slightly more rich, dense cake though than some recipes. Make sure you use the full fat stuff, the lo-cal, fat free ones just won't work properly
 
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Speaking of gloupy, I made the chocolate mayo cake today. It did work (mustard and vinegar aside mayo’s just eggs and oil, so technically it should do, if you can remove the weird tuna sandwich associations from your head!

The kids loved it, DH liked it but announced that he thought it was weird (but only after I told him). I thought it was ok but don’t actually like chocolate cake (would prefer a plain sponge and a MASSIVE bar of chocolate on the side!). V interesting experiment, thanks for the suggestion.

I can only presume it will make an appearance in the ShitShow SheShambles
We once had neighbours give us a chocolate sour cream cake when I was a kid and I thought it was delicious. I didn’t realise it doesn’t have eggs in it. I make a Texas sheet cake with sour cream but it also has eggs. I also make cakes with buttermilk and yogurt.
 
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Can you taste the mayo in the cake? Looking for a chocolate cake recipe that's not too complicated
not at all. It’s definitely a softer texture, but any hint of a mayo taste is hidden by the cocoa. I def prefer a “normal” cake, but given the continuing difficulties round getting eggs it’s an amazingly easy standby to have.

Note: I popped a load of Betty Crocker icing on it (hate the taste, and seeing alarming amounts of butter & sugar in homemade buttercream—no “chemicals though— but love the convenience) —this may be clouding my judgement of overall cake a bit.

Definitely worth a try!!

@Mustard I love buttermilk/ sour cream/yoghurt cakes, very “tender” crumb, I think they’re described 💕
 
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Morning gang! Apologies for the dramatics last night, I am hanging my head in shame. Ta for all the supremely lovely messages - made me feel all warm and fuzzy (much like Jack’s head?).

Couldn’t sleep last night so obviously debated the failsafe method of having a pot noodle with egg and playing the keyboard... perhaps sensibly, though, I decided in the end to just have another glass of wine, a slab of dairy milk and watch the final ep of Normal People. Worked like a charm. Feeling fresh as a daisy this morning and am off to reread through the last few pages and see what I missed.

Also I think “I’m a god damn biscotti mate” has pipped “babe — same” to the post as my favourite Jack quote.

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Only Jack can spend 10 minutes outside and have two incidents with men and basically admit to low grade assaulting one of them.... How does she make all this tit up ?
My old boy, said none of that happened (his opinion, don't sue). It was to rile up the anti men brigade and stir, nothing more. Seemed to have worked too
Many men, people or whoever, will not do things like that. Its just a complete load of utter bullshit.

He also said it is quite interesting how many people tweet her, about the dogs, yet she only replies to blue tickers. Well people like Quack tend to ride on the coat tails of successful people of varying degrees. However, is the non blue tickers that are keeping her fed and in Wilko paint and she should be giving those people the respect they deserve for supporting her. JM needs to know that kicking those people down the ladder is a fatal mistake. Once JM falls from her perch (and she will) she will meet those same people she kicked down the ladder and they wont be forgiving at all.

As for the Mayo plug she apparently got. Imagine she approached them, not the other way around. Said I have got this shed and its summer so how about I promote your products etc. Anyone that saw THAT MAN tantrum from her, then her DK stint, plus that the cringey vids she is doing, would run a mile. Additionally Jack, would need to have insurance taking on jobs like this. As a contractor (which is what she basically is in a round about way). She should have Employers Liability as she has an employee, Carolyn an admin (snork). Seeing as she is now working in her tit shed, I would have thought that any sponsor would ask her to have this especially: Professional indemnity insurance. Many, many times she has stated she has no contents insurance. Imagine her landlord would have bricks and mortar insurance.

Good morning lovely people.

Morning gang! Apologies for the dramatics last night, I am hanging my head in shame. Ta for all the supremely lovely messages - made me feel all warm and fuzzy (much like Jack’s head?).
Oh pookieshnook what happened? Never hang your head in shame, unless you made a spunked lasagna and gave it to the neighbours.

Have an early morning hug from me. xxx

I think the realisation that mainly @Bellybutton lint ’s old man is nearly always correct about Jack is dawning now. I’m sure he’s the one that said she was pimping herself out with the Daily Mail making an article about her painting her shed, and she was just waiting for someone to come in and offer to sponsor. It’s so weird to see that everything Jack does has some sort of narcissistic end game in mind. It’s great that most of us on Tattle can now see through it.
My husband sends his best regards and a cheeky wink to you for this ;)
There were a few articles, plugs about tis bloody shed thing.

I still don't think Hellmans approached her though. Just my opinion but I cannot see it. Just adding to this for a sec. Nothing on Hellmans twitter and nothing on Jacks about it. She would be crowing about it but yet isn't. tempted to get a twatter account just to tweet and ask Hellmans about it.
 
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Didn't she claim she's 90% vegan (or something equally ridiculous) I'm not one at all and she eats more chicken, mackerel, cheese, butter, eggs (...) than I do.
 
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I'm going for a mayo, tinned peaches, horse spunk combination with a side of tinned carrot overnight oats. Washed down with a shot of chicken porridge with added mayo.
 
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@Harold mate, some of us have just woken up (again) after a bout of insomnia-
— take it way 🤢
 
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I have just read JMs tweet 2 man unwanted behavior that supposedly happened ( I don't believe it). Christ on a bike it really does stink of an anti man thread. The amount of people crowing sorry you had to endure this is just plain weird. But it got JM attention which is what she seems to need on a continual basis.
 
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Morning hausfraus, I’ve kicked off my Sunday by getting a splinter under my nail. I’m staving off the panic (I’m squeamish) by thinking about how Jack is suffering more than I ever will yet still plundering on. Truly an inspiration
Also I think “I’m a god damn biscotti mate” has pipped “babe — same” to the post as my favourite Jack quote.

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Biscotti? Fancy!

It hurts my GCSE level Italian heart to read “a biscotti” 🤦🏻‍♀️
 
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Is boy another word for a pet? The way she said fed sounds like she’s looking after a pet in exchange for money
I hate the way she objectifies people in her life, small boy, Mrs J, not acknowledging the fact that it is her mum writing when her mum tweets,etc.
I can not imagine speaking about someone I love and reducing them to a generic term. My son would be just about acceptable, but small boy could be any child. As for reducing her partner (if she still is) to an extension of herself, that's just ignorant.
I've found it difficult to put my thoughts on this into words, but I'm sure you know what I'm getting at.
 
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