Jack Monroe #17 The shed is dead, shaved her head, on the beg for a left-hand Smeg

[chocolate choux]

Today I decided to make a good little hausfrau of myself and cook Jack’s anellini con cacio e pepe in the spirit of ‘don’t knock it until you’ve tried it’ (despite already knocking it). I used a tin of ~fancy~ Heinz hoops as those are all that’s available in my food desert town, but I reasoned this would be advantageous due to the superior quality. The Heinz ones also contain one of your five a day, as well as being fortified with Vitamin D, most of which I assume went (literally) down the drain as I gently rinsed them. To whoever pointed out that Jack doesn’t include the nutritional info in her recipes - now we know why!

It all started out quite well, the hoops remained largely intact throughout the rinsing and microwaving process. There was a bit of a mishap when I couldn’t find my cheese grater but luckily I have a second - kindly #gifted by Wilko who sent two by accident. I had to substitute the hard cheese with cheddar (I assumed this was ‘yes, absolutely x’ fine), which was too soft to grate finely, so I used the non-fancy side of the grater. Then it came to the point of gently mixing it all together and this is the point, dear hausfrauen, where it all went horribly wrong

The hoops immediately fell to pieces and I was left wondering if I could’ve used Heinz tinned spaghetti instead, for all the aesthetic difference it made. The margarine (Flora Buttery, vegan and the best in my humble ex-vegan opinion) and cheese easily melted in, and I sprinkled on an excessive amount of pepper in the hope that the meal could be saved

It tasted exactly as expected which was not good. The well-rinsed hoops retained their odd junk food taste, but reduced down the level of aftertaste. The texture was close to non-existent. It was a soggy, bland mess. I could sense Italians turning in their graves

But there’s a twist - my toddler (Small Girl, if you will) pottered over and grabbed some. She proceeded to commandeer the plate and eat every last mouthful. It’s worth noting that she has an aversion to texture, and will eat any orange slop from a jar irregardless of supposed flavour (we’re currently in the process of watchful waiting, but this isn’t a sob story - she’s a very happy child). But a positive review is a positive review nonetheless

Jack, I’ve found your calling - ever thought of writing a baby food cookbook?

Photos for posterity:

 

[Ellabella]

I'm finding it hard to comment on these threads at the moment as JM is making me so angry!

She's having the worst time of her life yet her new haircut has given her a new lease of life. Her new cookbook to all about "self care" (so please buy it!) but she can't take her own advice but don't worry small boy eats like a king. She's riddled with pain but is hoiking super heavy furniture about. She's so poor but buying very expensive white goods. She has no self esteem but laps up the compliments. She is vegan most of the time yet most recipes she posts are not. All her work has been taken away from her, begging bowl out, apart from a BBC show, new book out, the magazine articles and the sponsorship by a major company.

 

[Jay-cloth Cow]

Long time lurker on this thread - but I was taken in by Jack and her narrative for so long , to the point that i messaged her when I was going through a horrible time - i was suicidal (much better now, I've had loads of help and meds) but I sent her a message, in her defence she did respond but it just said 'thank you' - i asked for MH advice but the only part she seemed to notice was me saying i liked her mustard chicken recipe. I have a close friend who is non-binary and one of the nicest most accepting people I've ever met and she cannot stand Jack, thinks she is really harming the trans/non binary community. Sorry for the rant!!

 

[Saturn.]

Today I decided to make a good little hausfrau of myself and cook Jack’s anellini con cacio e pepe …..

Coincidentally, I also gave it a go with remarkably similar results. Maybe we could do a 'Spot The Difference Competition' if the thread ever slows down.

Jack, I’ve found your calling - ever thought of writing a baby food cookbook?

Great idea for the future. The concept for the next book is already agreed - it is Italian /Asian fusion. Here is a sneak peek of the Gnocchi in Soy Broth.

 

[PennyLoafer]

The more I read about her brush with two appalling men who had the temerity to sit on a train and say good morning the more annoyed I get. Possibly they were a bit inappropriate and irritating but when did women become so feeble we can't cope with minor irritants like that without wanting to cause physical violence? Someone sits too close on a train - get up and move. It just isn't that difficult. Like the poor bloke who had the nerve to extent his leg on the train near her recently. Travelling on the same train as Jack must be fraught if you are a man - liable to be kicked in the shins or Twitter shamed and pepper sprayed by her fans.
Oh and her gracious and helpful #notallmen. How nice to know.

PREACH!

I've had some thoughts about this bubbling away on the back hob. Jack said that some bloke 'blocked her in' on the train by sitting next to her. And IIRC another bloke came too close to her in the street? Now I'm not saying that these things didn't happen but here are my thoughts in the interests of balance...

1) Train guy. Some people - men and women - just like to be near other people. You can be the only person on the top deck of a bus and someone will come and choose, out of all the seats available, the one behind yours. Or you can be on a big empty beach and a family will set up their picnic within spitting distance of you. It's as though you've pitched a sign saying 'this is a good spot, come here'. Stuff like this has happened to me a lot but, in @Jelly Bean's words, I've only ever thought of it as a minor irritation.

2) Street guy. Again, this is based on what I've observed over the years. Very generally speaking, men and women behave differently in public spaces. Men act as though they own them and women work around that assumption. Men don't question the space they take up; women are more likely to hesitate, give way, be aware of others. You see it in driving behaviours too. Of course it's different when women are in groups, and booze is a great leveller! There's reams to be written about where this originates and how it perpetuates, but anyway.

Since lockdown, I've been out shopping for my mum a lot and every single time, a guy has unthinkingly come within 2m of me. I'm in a small town with narrow streets so it's hard to observe the correct distance but on the whole, women are really cautious whereas men act like the news about Covid-19 has yet to break here. Lone men with baskets are the worst - barreling around like pandemics are for wusses and they haven't got time to queue because they're bold hunter gatherers! Set them on two wheels and they're even more of an arrogant menace.

It frustrates and alarms me but I don't react as though I'm being personally harassed for the simple reason that I'm not. It's a thoughtlessness based on centuries of inherited, learned and socially accepted behaviour and I'm not particularly up for challenging it right now because I just want to focus on the good, positive people and things in my life. I'm certainly not going to go around kicking random blokes in the shins.

Just to reiterate: it goes without saying that this is not how *all* men or *all* women behave. The lone basket guys are the same ones I'll chew the fat with in the pub when all this is over.

Thank-you for coming to my TED talk. I have been wearing Patriarchy Pants and standing on my tiptoes.

 

[Mel Donte]

Feeling a bit drained so here are some bullet point thoughts:

- Jack is very good at manipulating people's emotions. Please don't forget that.
- It's interesting that Jack is acting in ways that makes others concerned about her mental health days before she has a book about her mental health coming out.
- If Jack stopped lying this thread would dry up quickly. Yes her food is grim, but that in itself wouldn't be enough to keep the conversation going.
- Jack has three mental health professionals on speed dial and a loving family. Most of us can only dream of that level of support.

 

[Cbacooking]

I just wanted to say thank you to those who’ve shared how hard it is at the moment. I’m a lurker and doubt I’ll ever reach the giddy heights of chatty member, but I’ve read it all.
live beenill for a few years now combined with depression. I’ve been struggling with brushing my teeth too, and because of you I’ve dragged out the unopened electric toothbrush I got for Xmas. Shiny teeth time. Thanks all.

 

[Flumps]

I don't post here often. I do when I'm on good form. Those times have been less and less the last two weeks. I can barely get out of my bed, let alone clean my teeth. My record for not brushing my teeth is now at 4 days. How are other people keeping going, honestly? X

When I am bad I try to only focus on one thing. Rather than think 'I'm not getting up, not brushing my teeth, not doing housework' etc etc etc, and get into a panicky spiral about everything, I pick just the one thing, for me it would be teeth cleaning I think, do that, try and congratulate myself for it and if I then go back to bed for another few hours then so be it.

This will lift, even if just a little at first, whatever you do, don't punish yourself for how you feel, it's real and it's horrible, so don't add to it with any self-blame.

Other thing to do with any burst of energy you might get is to get some stocks together for when you don't have any. Keep biscuits or crisps or snack of choice next to your bed, and a bottle of water if you have some. Or juice box, whatever. So you can give yourself a hit of quick energy when you are really down. Even if you only eat half a biscuit it's still eating, right?

Watch/listen to something easy and light, and ideally without much reference to this situation, unless hearing other people in the same boat might be comforting. I would pick Friends, Big Bang Theory or Modern Family for easy distraction.

Sleep if you feel like you need to sleep.

If you can face it, go and stand in the sun. I'm not saying your head will feel better, but your body might just a little.

Keep posting here.

Maybe try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique if you are feeling anxious. Sounds daft, but it often worked for me. Acknowledge 5 things you can see, then 4 things you can touch, then 3 things you can hear (anything at all, even sound of your breathing), 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste

Don't make any depressipes.

And I'll say it again, because I think it's the most important thing. Do not add guilt to the feelings you are currently feeling. However you get through is how you get through and it's all ok.

xx

Did you hear back from Richard Osman @Flumps ?

Sadly no. I am choosing to think it's because it got lost in the many mentions he must get.

 

[HalcyonDays]

I don't post here often. I do when I'm on good form. Those times have been less and less the last two weeks. I can barely get out of my bed, let alone clean my teeth. My record for not brushing my teeth is now at 4 days. How are other people keeping going, honestly? X

 

[Gentlemensrelish]

Well we now know who took the picture and she’s up to amazing feats of weightlifting again 93kg this time, all on her OWN don’t you know! View attachment 134473

Oh, did she fuck.

I am, forgive me, very strong and I can lift more than 93kg in a vertical path. I can't fucking wander about with it.

Two men would find moving 100kg tiring.

She's so full of shit.

God, it's this level of shit that really pisses me off. The pointless lies. That's a pointless lie. It's pathological to lie this much, about everything.

EDIT: I thought I was done but I'm not done. If she could hypothetically lift 100kg (why not) in the gym, it's not the same as moving an odd object. Again, I can lift a lot but I got a 30kg mattress delivered in a box and it was hard and heavy to move because it was a massive fucking box.

I really don't care about her big lies. It's her little lies that get me.

 

[Sashaf]

another great question

 

[busylass]

My blood is boiling catching up on this. My washing machine broke weeks ago but I can't get a new one as deliveries are only being dropped outside so I can't get it in the house myself. But Jack's fridge is brought in the house by 4 people. Her friend helped her bring in a sideboard the other day. Garden date with her bestie. She's on a train this morning. All despite being immunocompromised. She's so quick to call out other people on Twitter but no one else can question her behaviours. And what's with all the cloak and dagger around the fridge. Think I need to go and scream into a pillow.

 

[moglits]

I don’t want to derail but this thread has been a massive source of comfort recently. I don’t like to read of other people’s struggles but goodness me it’s comforting to know it’s not just me (I’m not egocentric enough to genuinely think that, but it’s like when you can’t sleep - you’re the ONLY PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD WHO IS AWAKE).

I’m typing this from bed (husband is working downstairs) as I’ve taken a much-needed day off (I am still going into work every day; which I know is a sanity boost in itself) and I’ve got last night’s makeup on, furry teeth, and my uterus is humming the Jaws theme.

Anxiety has pinned me in place. Can’t move. Don’t want to. Frantically checking work emails on my phone and internally flailing and panicking about getting something wrong or doing something bad that inconveniences people somehow. Feeling like a failure and like I want to go fist-first into a jar of Nutella...if I could move, of course.

This too shall pass. I know I’m lucky to still have a job, to be able to legitimately leave the house for work, but it’s still stressful as all hell, demanding, and pressured.

Sorry. As you were. I just needed to get that off my chest rather than whinging to my poor husband again!

 

[Betty Neumar]

I don't post here often. I do when I'm on good form. Those times have been less and less the last two weeks. I can barely get out of my bed, let alone clean my teeth. My record for not brushing my teeth is now at 4 days. How are other people keeping going, honestly? X

I’m really glad you made that post. You’re with friendly people here who will either understand or empathise with that feeling. Some days feel kind and cosy, some days feel terrifying. There was a day last week that I couldn’t even do my morning team call, and I love and trust the small group I work with. But here - no one minds if you drop in and out and we’re all a bunch of incredibly kind, clever, funny, beef-faced (@sali hughes) misfits anyway. Just don’t go abusing any donkeys for a telly lasagne, ok?

 

[Saturn.]

 

[PoorPatrol]

I really only post in this thread and read the Sali one and the Joe Wicks one (he set my spidey senses off too recently). I think this is a really good point again about the vibe and things not adding up. The majority of people say the same thing, 'I used to really like X, then Y happened and it made me question things'. Like my mum would say 'We're not angry, we're just disappointed'. And it's hard, when all critique is shut down or piled on elsewhere, not to feel like it's you that have it wrong, so when you find a space where other clearly intelligent, funny, compassionate people feel the same as you, then it's quite a relief.

It might do some of these people good if they could ever bring themselves to wonder why those who have stated they used to be fans/supporters of them are now gathered together questioning things. But I suppose that would require a challenging level of self-reflection. It's easier just to yell 'TROLL' and 'BITCHES' rather than wonder if some of your behaviour was responsible.

And also, already said by others today, THEY DO NOT HAVE TO READ HERE. This space isn't for them.

Just caught up I found Tattle months ago, and loved a bit of the MOD and FOD threads, any mumfluencers and their ilk. Jack Monroe I had thought was down with the people, proper, been through the mill, salt of the earth type. Not once did I twitch about anything she said. When I saw she had a busy thread on here, I thought surely not! Farckingell! The wool has well and truly been pulled from my eyes and knitted into a piece of tat for my she-shed.

This is why we’re here. We know. We know about shitty times. We variously understand her many alleged illnesses, we know depression and poverty and EDs, autism, being alone, trying our best, and we just know about struggling in all of its many forms. That’s why we’re so angry. We were all pretty much all rooting for her at one time or another, because we thought we were her and she was us. It’s like a betrayal! Whatever she ever ever EVER says about anything written on here, she absolutely cannot deny that she has lied and manipulated and used people for her own advancement. That, to me, is completely uncontested. I can say truly, hand on heart, I’m an extremely diplomatic person. I question things, see if there’s a fair explanation, I don’t rush to criticise for the sake of it, I don’t even gain much pleasure from it really. There’s no way on earth that what Jack has said about her health can all be true. What she says about her finances cannot be true for the entire duration (I'm sure she’s been skint once) . The way she treats her kid is bloody awful, and she just lies and lies and seeks attention. She’s a twisted narcissist and she can piss off with her talk of feet on necks. Mate, your foots on your own neck!

 

[AdultHumanFemale]

I found it! Actually not quite 2m, but close enough with packaging. Bargain. https://ao.com/product/fq60x2pe1-smeg-american-fridge-freezer-stainless-steel-72017-27.aspx

I did a search and came up with the same thing. If she really spent £1900 on a fucking fridge, after begging for money two months ago, AND after she's been tweeting about having financial issues/stress... What the fuck.

I really feel that those who ask for donations, tips etc should really be held accountable for where this money goes, ESPECIALLY when the requests for said money are made because of job losses/low income. You cannot claim poverty and then buy a £2k fridge, you cannot claim poverty and live/be engaged to someone who will easily be making six figures, you cannot claim poverty when on the same day you've publicly Tweeted you paid wedding deposits. Nor can you claim poverty when you earn more than what you choose to pay yourself and have funds squirrelled away in a business (or otherwise) bank account accruing interest.

Jack Monroe needs to be held accountable for the lies she peddles and for poverty cosplay she adorns when it is profitable for her, and drops when she's feeling bougie.

(P.s: when I moved in February to a property that had no fridge, I bought one for £40 off of Gumtree. That's what you do when you have no money).

Also Jack, the above is my opinion which I will happily defend in court or elsewhere.

 

[xoxo]

3 fridges, you say...

 

[Saturn.]

Jack's posted a video on Instagram about a live show coming from the Shed each Tuesday at 5pm. Leftover Larder (sponsored by Hellman's).

Jack - See you next Tuesday.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

I don't post here often. I do when I'm on good form. Those times have been less and less the last two weeks. I can barely get out of my bed, let alone clean my teeth. My record for not brushing my teeth is now at 4 days. How are other people keeping going, honestly? X

Heya, are you in lockdown alone? Definitely keep checking in here, we love a natter about anything and we’re all up all times of the night too, I love catching up when I have my late night wee

It’s fucking tough going to be honest and we all have good / bad days but the bad is always temporary init it does always clear (promise). One of my fav things I’ve ever heard about self esteem is how it’s like an onion built up layer by layer, I know the last thing u fancy doing is brushing your teeth but doing little acts of self care like that build up and be transformative to ur mindset? If you want someone to do it with tell me and I’ll run up and do mine now we can compare notes (sincerely) x

Also the ladies were recommending tons of comedy podcasts on the last thread, I also love a bit of bg noise to feel less alone or take myself out my mind. Sending lots of love and you do have a little online home here full of haus frau waiting to chat!!