Jack Monroe #17 The shed is dead, shaved her head, on the beg for a left-hand Smeg
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Love this 
Oh wow I have ended up on the first page for once!
So to summarise, because I didn’t get to the end of the last one:
Why did she shave her head and it is a proper buzz cut or did she shave a bit of the side of her head like absolutely loads of women do?
Has she officially given up on the shed idea?
Any more tattle site tweets/tweets about tattlers being bullies?
Did she get a free blackboard fridge from Smeg in the end? (This is the point I got up to so anything noteworthy after that id appreciate it if I was filled in on anything funny) thank you!
So to summarise, because I didn’t get to the end of the last one:
Why did she shave her head and it is a proper buzz cut or did she shave a bit of the side of her head like absolutely loads of women do?
Has she officially given up on the shed idea?
Any more tattle site tweets/tweets about tattlers being bullies?
Did she get a free blackboard fridge from Smeg in the end? (This is the point I got up to so anything noteworthy after that id appreciate it if I was filled in on anything funny) thank you!
Thank you @Jelly Bean 
Superb thread name @NoseyParkour.
In thrilling plant news, made a load of monstera adansonii cuttings today, they’ll root in no time. So hopefully the libel summons comes through soon, when we meet on the courthouse steps I’ll have little plants for all the hausfraus
Superb thread name @NoseyParkour.
In thrilling plant news, made a load of monstera adansonii cuttings today, they’ll root in no time. So hopefully the libel summons comes through soon, when we meet on the courthouse steps I’ll have little plants for all the hausfraus
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She's also taught us that rinsed hoops and cheddar = cacio e pepe. But how dare that man make jollof rice!
She left herself with an upside down rat’s tail. It looks GREAT! She died it grey, even more great.
Fridge from Smeg is borderline, they’ve gone back and forth on Twitter, we’ll know in about a week when the #gifted fridge does or does not turn up.
No direct Tattle 100% success rate law threats (we’re all devastated though, as we’ve all bought matching bean outfits for court). She has repeatedly alluded to horrific bullying and life ruining. She’s also had multiple ‘I’m coming off Twitter for a bit’ episodes that last about five minutes. Louisa appears to have gone.
I do suspect she has probably asked a legalish person about these threads - and they have very wisely told her she would not stand a chance with any legal action. People here comment on things she has freely chosen to put in the public domain.
Lots of mutterings of 'can't comment - it is in legal hands' don't mean a thing.
What happened with the broadcasting from the shed? Did I miss it?
She is so up her own arse that she doesn't see her recipe substitutions are absolutely vile. It is called carbonara for a reason. Christ on a bike, she is such a bloody dickwad it must be embarrassing for those around her. If she wins the most inspirational cook I'm going to scream bloody murder that it is a fix. I have no words for what I think of THAT WOMAN.
Did you blink? Then yes you did sadly x
She ran out of paint or something.
Cheddar in Carbonara?
Sourdough starter in the fridge?
Spunked milk in lasagna
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Today I decided to make a good little hausfrau of myself and cook Jack’s anellini con cacio e pepe in the spirit of ‘don’t knock it until you’ve tried it’ (despite already knocking it). I used a tin of ~fancy~ Heinz hoops as those are all that’s available in my food desert town, but I reasoned this would be advantageous due to the superior quality. The Heinz ones also contain one of your five a day, as well as being fortified with Vitamin D, most of which I assume went (literally) down the drain as I gently rinsed them. To whoever pointed out that Jack doesn’t include the nutritional info in her recipes - now we know why!
It all started out quite well, the hoops remained largely intact throughout the rinsing and microwaving process. There was a bit of a mishap when I couldn’t find my cheese grater but luckily I have a second - kindly #gifted by Wilko who sent two by accident. I had to substitute the hard cheese with cheddar (I assumed this was ‘yes, absolutely x’ fine), which was too soft to grate finely, so I used the non-fancy side of the grater. Then it came to the point of gently mixing it all together and this is the point, dear hausfrauen, where it all went horribly wrong
The hoops immediately fell to pieces and I was left wondering if I could’ve used Heinz tinned spaghetti instead, for all the aesthetic difference it made. The margarine (Flora Buttery, vegan and the best in my humble ex-vegan opinion) and cheese easily melted in, and I sprinkled on an excessive amount of pepper in the hope that the meal could be saved
It tasted exactly as expected which was not good. The well-rinsed hoops retained their odd junk food taste, but reduced down the level of aftertaste. The texture was close to non-existent. It was a soggy, bland mess. I could sense Italians turning in their graves
But there’s a twist - my toddler (Small Girl, if you will) pottered over and grabbed some. She proceeded to commandeer the plate and eat every last mouthful. It’s worth noting that she has an aversion to texture, and will eat any orange slop from a jar irregardless of supposed flavour (we’re currently in the process of watchful waiting, but this isn’t a sob story - she’s a very happy child). But a positive review is a positive review nonetheless
Jack, I’ve found your calling - ever thought of writing a baby food cookbook?
Photos for posterity:
It all started out quite well, the hoops remained largely intact throughout the rinsing and microwaving process. There was a bit of a mishap when I couldn’t find my cheese grater but luckily I have a second - kindly #gifted by Wilko who sent two by accident. I had to substitute the hard cheese with cheddar (I assumed this was ‘yes, absolutely x’ fine), which was too soft to grate finely, so I used the non-fancy side of the grater. Then it came to the point of gently mixing it all together and this is the point, dear hausfrauen, where it all went horribly wrong
The hoops immediately fell to pieces and I was left wondering if I could’ve used Heinz tinned spaghetti instead, for all the aesthetic difference it made. The margarine (Flora Buttery, vegan and the best in my humble ex-vegan opinion) and cheese easily melted in, and I sprinkled on an excessive amount of pepper in the hope that the meal could be saved
It tasted exactly as expected which was not good. The well-rinsed hoops retained their odd junk food taste, but reduced down the level of aftertaste. The texture was close to non-existent. It was a soggy, bland mess. I could sense Italians turning in their graves
But there’s a twist - my toddler (Small Girl, if you will) pottered over and grabbed some. She proceeded to commandeer the plate and eat every last mouthful. It’s worth noting that she has an aversion to texture, and will eat any orange slop from a jar irregardless of supposed flavour (we’re currently in the process of watchful waiting, but this isn’t a sob story - she’s a very happy child). But a positive review is a positive review nonetheless
Jack, I’ve found your calling - ever thought of writing a baby food cookbook?
Photos for posterity:
Book of songs next from the very talented JM?
The thing with the long grain rice in risotto and cheddar cheese in carbonara is so odd. You don't have to be all chippy about it.* You can make a dish of long grain rice cooked in stock with other flavourings, or a dish of pasta with bacon, eggs and cheddar cheese. They could feasibly be delicious, rice cooked in stock is lovely and who can object to bacon, eggs and cheese. What neither of them will be is an authentic risotto or carbonara, and that's ok, that doesn't make them bad, but it means it's also ok if people want to politely question your nomenclature.
*Oh wait. Of *course* you do.
*Oh wait. Of *course* you do.
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I love this. It is fabulous. xx
Louisa gone as in split up or not mentioned on Twitter for a while?
Louisa was hogging the broadband. Imagine she has been sent back to work in London.
Ooh I’ve been wanting to do this! Any tips or is it just a case of cutting at an angle and putting in water?Thank you @Jelly Bean
Superb thread name @NoseyParkour.
In thrilling plant news, made a load of monstera adansonii cuttings today, they’ll root in no time. So hopefully the libel summons comes through soon, when we meet on the courthouse steps I’ll have little plants for all the hausfraus
I love my monstera - I mean look at these leaves!
You really have gone above and beyond the call of duty. We fellow Tattlers salute you.
Hahahahaha! Everything about this post is wonderful (apart from the food, I guess, but that's not on you!). Thank you so much for taking one for the team.
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