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Brian Butterfield
VIP Member
I think I speak for all the cabal when I say please have a massive spliff then watch Jack and do the running commentary stoned of your noggin.It's on at 7pm, and it's TWO HOURS LONG. I don't know if I can take it. All I really want to do right now is ease into my usual early evening routine of a nice big spliff and Married at First Sight (Australia).
It's what Viv would have wanted.
colouredlines
VIP Member
There are many factors to her decline - no clear brand, prickly personality, endless drama, terrible TV presence and, above all, shit food.
But it's also worth looking at how her style of recipe writing has evolved.
This is from her early days at the Guardian:
...and this is from her blog now:
I apologise for the screenshot there - Jack's website is not optimised for mobile. But I think the problem is clear. She thinks of herself as a Writer with a capital W. She really, really isn't one. The result? Recipes that are essentially unreadable, as well as inedible.
But it's also worth looking at how her style of recipe writing has evolved.
This is from her early days at the Guardian:
...and this is from her blog now:
I apologise for the screenshot there - Jack's website is not optimised for mobile. But I think the problem is clear. She thinks of herself as a Writer with a capital W. She really, really isn't one. The result? Recipes that are essentially unreadable, as well as inedible.
Rekyavikgirl
VIP Member
Pity the poor midwife who had to secure Jack's unruly labia. I keep thinking of an unzipped tent, flapping in the wind.
How many more jolly times is jolly hockey sticks jack going to say jolly?
Anonymous One
Well-known member
I have taken the liberty of editing one of her photos from a few years ago and editing it with some more skills. It is shitty but I’ve been BUSY.
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skronkywildcat
VIP Member
I’m sorry - I did not mean to upset anyone. I guess my thoughts were that the process of giving birth is bloody horrible whichever way you do it. I did not want to mock or denigrate anything that has happened to anyone here. Sending loveMine was torn and cut. Its not really a funny retort to say at least you avoided it.
.
traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
Every time we get a new incarnation of Jack I take comfort in thinking 'this is the one, she can't get more tedious than this!' and yet somehow she continues to get even more insufferable. She's making me want to hack down forests and burn meadows out of sheer spite.
ETA: what the fuck was she on about yesterday with 'first time plant mom' SHE'S GOT THIRTY MILLION PLANTS THAT SHE'S HAD FOR YEARS FUCK'S SAAAAAAAAAKE
ETA: what the fuck was she on about yesterday with 'first time plant mom' SHE'S GOT THIRTY MILLION PLANTS THAT SHE'S HAD FOR YEARS FUCK'S SAAAAAAAAAKE
That’s the one 
ta @Marmalade Atkins
Haha why did I say ‘watch’ - of course she ‘forensically eyeballed’ her own c-section.
ta @Marmalade AtkinsHaha why did I say ‘watch’ - of course she ‘forensically eyeballed’ her own c-section.
Shawads
VIP Member
Funny enough I tore AND I'm one of the rare people who is immune to normal levels of local anesthetic due to an autoimmune condition. I told the woman who was doing my stitches that I need at least double the amount of regular anesthetic and she refused, I genuinely felt every stitch. I wasn't silent though. It was pretty traumatising (on top of a very traumatic pregnancy).I’m sorry - I did not mean to upset anyone. I guess my thoughts were that the process of giving birth is bloody horrible whichever way you do it. I did not want to mock or denigrate anything that has happened to anyone here. Sending love
Kind of off topic but I think we have been indoctrinated to think we have to suffer silently through pregnancy and childbirth and the often traumatic aftermath. My mental and physical health has never been the same since but I remember people saying things to me like 'pregnancy isn't an illness' or 'you're pregnant, not sick' & 'mavis had the same condition as you but already has ten kids to look after and she just got on with it' .
Women like Jack bragging about silent thirty hour labours are really not helpful for people who wonder why their experiences were so horrible in comparison to the majority.
Soz, she's making me feel quite ranty today
colouredlines
VIP Member
If Makeup Jack ever reappears, here's a brand that seems apt...
ReginaPhalangee
VIP Member
oh goddddd I fucking hate competitive birth-types. It’s not something you can win at and it’s not a transcendent experience, anyone who says it was is a fucking liar.
I love babies, love them love them. Don’t want to hear how they came out of you. Yes yes we’re all warriors look at our tiger stripe stretch marks fierce mama bear Etc etc now just let me cuddle the damn baby that’s the only part I’m interested in
waffle maker
VIP Member
Maybe she could come and sort out our (rented) garden as we are currently having a shocker. We pay a gardener to come every day to sweep and water and wash the cars. He is terrible and over waters everything but I feel bad for him because he is so bad at gandening that he can't keep work. he does 2 things 'put water madam' and 'put medicine madam', medicine is an all purpose word for poison and plant food/ fertliser. I am in trouble on FB local group for paying him too much. yesterday Mr waffle Maker asked him to get someone from the company he works for to cut down a tree as our grass gets no light, 1 minute later he was cutting it down himself after shimmying up the tree with a machette. Casualties were our BBQ, garden fan, string lights and the gazeebo, and our ratty lawn is now covered in tree.
colouredlines
VIP Member
COME BACK, TANK JACK, ALL IS FORGIVEN
PS lol, she is literally tagging the Royal Horticultural Society and Kew Gardens? 0 effort, she is so fucking basic in literally every regard. And you just know Squiggles are gonna be like, "Oh, who is this Monty Don of whom you speak?! Thanks for the obscure tip, Jack!"
Veronicaaa
VIP Member
It's on at 7pm, and it's TWO HOURS LONG. I don't know if I can take it. All I really want to do right now is ease into my usual early evening routine of a nice big spliff and Married at First Sight (Australia).
Emmapism
VIP Member
I just read the LimeGoss article on the THAT MAN pile on for the first time. Holy fucking shit. How on EARTH did she, a grown woman a) get away with that behaviour and b) get to appear on a show off the back of it?
And what the fucking fuck happened to that 'pilot' she crowd funded for eh? Straight in Monroe's pocket the outrageous grifting shitbag.
And what the fucking fuck happened to that 'pilot' she crowd funded for eh? Straight in Monroe's pocket the outrageous grifting shitbag.
ReginaPhalangee
VIP Member
Super noodle sandwiches with dairylea triangles? Cabal I love you but I’m starting to see why some of you followed Jack for a fair while 
Harrybosch
VIP Member
Praise from a moderator AND bitcoin from Vlad? We're off to a great start to the week, dear heart.
Lisbon
Active member
happy first lockdown anniversary, frauen und herren – I hope everyone is celebrating with some brown slop today. But first let me gaze into my crystal ball…
The year is 2041, we’ve all moved on and people are asking ‘What did you do in the lockdown?’ More than a few of us will just say, ‘oh nothing much, don’t know where the time went..’ but we’ll all smile to ourselves and think back to that corner of the internet which was part M15, part comedy club and part support group. God, that was a year well spent!
In 2041 some of us will wonder just what Jack is up to nowadays, and might click on her Twitter for old times sake. She’ll still be there but what do you think she’ll be doing in 20 years?
I think she’s gonna end up like old man Steptoe with a house full of tut, eating pickled onions sitting in the sink cos she’s *still* so maverick. Poor SB is the son who desperately wants to get away and better himself but is prevented from doing so by old Jack being pass-agg – ‘You can’t move out now son, I’ve just done another chaos…’ or maybe ‘Oh it’s alright SB, you go on holiday and leave me here alone, I’ll be fine.. <sob>’
The year is 2041, we’ve all moved on and people are asking ‘What did you do in the lockdown?’ More than a few of us will just say, ‘oh nothing much, don’t know where the time went..’ but we’ll all smile to ourselves and think back to that corner of the internet which was part M15, part comedy club and part support group. God, that was a year well spent!
In 2041 some of us will wonder just what Jack is up to nowadays, and might click on her Twitter for old times sake. She’ll still be there but what do you think she’ll be doing in 20 years?
I think she’s gonna end up like old man Steptoe with a house full of tut, eating pickled onions sitting in the sink cos she’s *still* so maverick. Poor SB is the son who desperately wants to get away and better himself but is prevented from doing so by old Jack being pass-agg – ‘You can’t move out now son, I’ve just done another chaos…’ or maybe ‘Oh it’s alright SB, you go on holiday and leave me here alone, I’ll be fine.. <sob>’
heretoreaditall2019
VIP Member
Inspired by @lilamay and @Veronicaaa, comparing Jack’s google search activity with comparable cooks/authors. Sorry this is gonna be long and not everyone’s cup of tea (dull lol) so under a spoiler it goes
Data notes: this for UK, 12 months, used search term rather than the google allocated groupings as I suspect it disadvantages smaller names. All of this is subject to interpretation and by no means gospel, and encourage ppl with opinions to disagree with my very biased anti Jack stance
Anyway first up is Jack’s related searches, these are indexes not absolute search volume so Twitter is her most searched for term. Recipes is close to half as frequently searched, as is tattle. Tattle and recipes are very close to being equally searched for. I’d guess these search volumes are hundreds to low thousands which is abysmal for a full time job tbh.
Trends also shows search volume over time, Jack’s only peaks are around DKL or big Twitter beefs like Waliams. Not around book release which is... not diagnosed gifted and talented. In examples I’ve worked on / friends you’d expect to see spikes driven by any media appearance - news, tv, radio, podcasts, YouTube, she’s done all of those and nothing really drives interest like her Twitter beefs. Her follower count corroborates this, never goes up unless she’s sharing triggering shit or whipping up outrage.
Now onto her peers. You’ve got book or Guardian in their top (interesting no one seeks out Jack’s press work too? Lol). Gizzi and Ruby Tandoh had too low search volumes so google don’t release their related searches sadly. But you can go play around with this and take a look, Jack’s looks shit next to everyone’s lol.
In summary WHYYY is she still getting booked for writing gigs?? She’s not driving anyone to publications, she’s certainly not fucking selling hers, token media pov play.
This was like a reverse pitch deck for her, she’ll be on the John Lewis app getting her sweet frumpy high now
Anyway first up is Jack’s related searches, these are indexes not absolute search volume so Twitter is her most searched for term. Recipes is close to half as frequently searched, as is tattle. Tattle and recipes are very close to being equally searched for. I’d guess these search volumes are hundreds to low thousands which is abysmal for a full time job tbh.
Trends also shows search volume over time, Jack’s only peaks are around DKL or big Twitter beefs like Waliams. Not around book release which is... not diagnosed gifted and talented. In examples I’ve worked on / friends you’d expect to see spikes driven by any media appearance - news, tv, radio, podcasts, YouTube, she’s done all of those and nothing really drives interest like her Twitter beefs. Her follower count corroborates this, never goes up unless she’s sharing triggering shit or whipping up outrage.
Now onto her peers. You’ve got book or Guardian in their top (interesting no one seeks out Jack’s press work too? Lol). Gizzi and Ruby Tandoh had too low search volumes so google don’t release their related searches sadly. But you can go play around with this and take a look, Jack’s looks shit next to everyone’s lol.
In summary WHYYY is she still getting booked for writing gigs?? She’s not driving anyone to publications, she’s certainly not fucking selling hers, token media pov play.
This was like a reverse pitch deck for her, she’ll be on the John Lewis app getting her sweet frumpy high now