Jack Monroe #169 Please don’t argue about turnips

[colouredlines]

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Nice subtle background display there aimed at the u ok hun brigade.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Anyone else excited to see what horrors she “flings” in that Pot Noodle tonight?

It’ll be an egg

 

[blurstoftimes]

theres something about jack where you just *know* she would be a terrible dancer with no rhythm. I don't need to see it to confirm it.

 

[blurstoftimes]

i have absolutely no recollection of choosing to follow grace dent but this came up in my stories. She didn't tag Jack! deliberate?

 

[MancBee]

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That is not me sniffing her flowers. Must be one of my distant relatives.

 

[AlphaBeta]

At my local la leche someone tried to start a conversation about ceaserians being skin to child abuse! The one upmanship was jaw dropping, till our lovely leader told her in no uncertain terms that her opinion was not in fact medical knowledge and offensive in a room full of women who'd recently given birth

Had a similar experience at our NCT class, worst way I’ve ever spent £200 unfortunately. Hopefully we just got unlucky with our course leader. She basically said that any form of pain relief for the mother was selfish and would have detrimental effects on the child. I softly, gently, tried to rebut these untruths at the time but was luridly silenced.

One of the fathers was absolutely adamant that his wife would go through labour without any medical intervention; the poor woman ended up with an emergency section in the end and I’m sure he didn’t let it go for quite some time. Horrible. My birth plan basically read “give me all of the drugs” but unfortunately that didn’t happen, and I still haven’t felt up to walking through it in one of those reflection sessions. I’m really keen to have another child but my body and brain is still screaming nooooooo. Hopefully things will change soon!

 

[HotesTilaire]

I am an Aries and it has been eating me inside trying not to say so for over 30 pages

 

[blurstoftimes]

Fuck me, nature-Jack is more boring than I ever could have imagined

the only version of nature jack i like is -camping alone with a shewee in the back garden while your fiancé sits inside plotting how she's going to escape once and for all-Jack

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

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I really fucking hate how she puts the AA books in her pics like they’re some kind of fashion accessory. I don’t want to think she was lying about being an alcoholic but the way she uses them as a prop constantly really makes me wonder.

 

[Mr Krabs]

Honestly is not a book many would want.

"Let pet I know you feel awful at the minute here's some awful food match your mood"

Gotta say I don't want it.

She calls them 'depressipes' which makes me want to vom.

I gotta say, if I have a really bad day I'm getting a Dominos and maybe even splashing out for a tub of ice cream. Not arseing around making 'Recalibration Supper', which is basically noodles with 'whatever veg' in it.

 

[Vanelope]

Heat the oil! She said HEAT THE OIL!
it isn’t her.

 

[Dogmuck]

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What? You like peeking at those accounts you’ve literally just followed...so you could tweet this. Desperate bitch

 

[Brian Butterfield]

She also said she learned to cook in school. So who knows?

 

[maytoseptember]

Funny enough I tore AND I'm one of the rare people who is immune to normal levels of local anesthetic due to an autoimmune condition. I told the woman who was doing my stitches that I need at least double the amount of regular anesthetic and she refused, I genuinely felt every stitch. I wasn't silent though. It was pretty traumatising (on top of a very traumatic pregnancy).
Kind of off topic but I think we have been indoctrinated to think we have to suffer silently through pregnancy and childbirth and the often traumatic aftermath. My mental and physical health has never been the same since but I remember people saying things to me like 'pregnancy isn't an illness' or 'you're pregnant, not sick' & 'mavis had the same condition as you but already has ten kids to look after and she just got on with it' .
Women like Jack bragging about silent thirty hour labours are really not helpful for people who wonder why their experiences were so horrible in comparison to the majority.

Soz, she's making me feel quite ranty today

I HATE it when people say “well at least the baby is OK”. Like women are collateral damage, and it doesn’t matter what happens to them, because only the baby matters.

I’m sorry you had such a traumatic experience. I did too. The “aftercare” was so, so much worse than the care I received in labour, which was great. But that’s fairly typical I think.

Spoiler: TMI

I’m glad I tore badly enough to need to be taken to theatre - at least I got an epidural instead of local anaesthetic

 

[Veronicaaa]

The thing is, the timing of the book's release was really lucky in that Jack should have been able to cash in on the pandemic - which obviously she'd have no qualms about, it's literally her MO to cash in on the misfortunes of others. And it *still* did terribly.

 

[Shawads]

literally a year of work surely?! fingers crossed for another lockdown?!

I really wish I'd discovered you guys in the original lockdown, this thread has been rewarding for many reasons and a great distraction when things are tough.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Jack's gardening name:. Probability Brown

 

[Hollaaa]

I like the brick-based synergy in those two images.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

No... it’s all rather odd. They tend to give them out in pairs too, because of how they are used. Use one, then use another 10 minutes later while waiting for emergency services to arrive.

An overcautious medic in the ED might prescribe one and send you home just in case unwitnessed bouts have actually occurred. But you don’t really get unwitnessed bouts of anaphylaxis. Tends to be pretty serious. I’m surprised we didn’t get a cannula pic for all the fluids and medications she would’ve needed to counteract the reaction.

ETA not saying Jackie would do this, your honour, but it has been known that medics may err on the side of caution with these kind of things because some patients like to bandy around words related to professional registration and lawsuits and what if it actually happened again etc etc.

You guys are all too kind, Jackie loves a private prescription she’s probably got one of those stampable Nero cards for her shit doctor, 10 scripts of legal speed and you get the shit liquid rhinoplasty on the house.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

She's going to turn the Pot Noodle into another ramen catastrophe with disgraced jackfruit, salmonella pineapple rings and a soft slow egg, topped with leaves plucked off the plant carousel on her communal dining table as she doesn't have any spring onions.

Btw @HotesTilaire Slopbot definitely is a Sagittarius. His birthday is the 29th of November. Put it in your calendars everyone, he's expecting lots of presents that he can lay out on a sideboard and take a photo of for social media. If you can't think what to get him, cash is king babes.