Jack Monroe #16 Queen of the freezer, bathtime teaser & blue tick pleaser

[Tabitha D]

I just had a look at the salad bag pesto recipe. No cheese, no pine nuts (or any other nut, to save money) = no texture. Sunflower oil instead of olive oil. Just rotting veg and a bit of garlic.

It's sad. She just doesn't seem to like cooking. Her recent recipes in the Guardian all had these bizarrely basic errors, like simmering pasta or turning the heat up on bechamel before adding cheese. These are the basics of cooking, and after so many years of writing recipes, she still doesn't have a clue.

I agree. She has no interest in cooking at all. This shows not just in the recipes, but in the lack of any development of her themes over the last few years - and in particular, it shows in her lack of taking joy in fresh food and flavours, and her insistence that everything must be as grim and unappetising as it can possibly be. I think cooking, to her, was simply a means to an end (the end being fame, of a sort).

 

[Saturn.]

@Saturn. are you blocked by her yet?

If not, please please please ask her what happened to the pink SMEG fridge she was gifted...

Sadly, our short but beautiful Twitter relationship came to an abrupt end in late April. Hopeful of a reconciliation once the Old Bailey case concludes.

 

[PineappleQueen19]

I found this telling. From her Instagram - an “outtake” from a photo shoot with her family for the vegan book. (Really it’s a behind the scenes shot but let’s not quibble).

The photo that made it into the book

#allaboutjack

 

[Bellybutton lint]

She puts lemon curd through fried rice??

She really hates food doesn't she?

 

[colouredlines]

The lemon curd talk reminds me of the moment I first really started questioning Jack:

Jack Monroe cooks on £1 a day for Live Below the Line 2014

It is possible to feed yourself on £1 a day – but it isn't easy. Jack Monroe explains how, and why, she took the challenge for charity

www.theguardian.com

In this article, she lives on £1 a day for five days (this was during her 'rags to riches, so happy I'm not poor anymore' phase, which came before her 'once and forever skint' phase). With such a tight budget, our esteemed food writer buys...lemon curd and chicken paste. Why?

It was also around that time that I noticed her frenzied mob of Guardian fans who would attack anyone who came within an appropriate social distancing 2m radius of criticising Jack. It would always go something like this:

Jack claims to make risotto, using long-grain rice. Someone points out that risotto needs short-grain rice. What she's made is still a dish, just...not risotto. Cue pile-on about food snobbery and how Saint Jack has introduced risotto to the unwashed masses who previously ate only at Chicken Shack.

Jack comments that being poor means she can "only" eat 1,850 calories a day. Someone points out that for a short, sedentary woman that's more than enough, although yes, she's not getting a good nutritional balance. Cue pile-on about how Jack is not sedentary, she's burning Michael Phelps levels of calories by fighting poverty!

I've been really, really poor. I used Fiona Beckett's student cookbook series, Beyond Baked Beans. Simple, cheap and well-explained...and not a drop of chicken paste in sight.

 

[Bellybutton lint]

And if you managed to “ cook” that I hardly think you’d feel better..

Cooking that would make me depressed.

A tin can cook reviews:

 

[PoorPatrol]

Ok so I’m still watching Daily Kitchen. Husband walked in while Jack was making her Chinese chicken curry and said “that looks delicious”. Is it worth trying (substituting something veggie for the chicken) or shall I just divorce him?

Ditch him, but keep the cursed engagement ring in a box, next to your original Tracey Emin.

 

[chocolate choux]

How not to react to a compliment. View attachment 132326

Jesus Christ, we get it Jack, you’re the most pitiful person alive and nothing is ever good

Her figure looks the same as before so that ‘poor me’ comment is bollocks

She needs help. I’m not the chirpiest person out there but her constant negativity must be exhausting

 

[Bellybutton lint]

If I’ve learned anything in the last seven or eight years it’s that my career flies by the seat of my pants and that every time I’m booked for something, I’m ill, and anything – like a TV opportunity – I treat as my last ever one

Well for once you are right, the TV opportunity you had on DK, was probably the last one.

When did she work at a supermarket? That's another one for the timeline.

Her comments about going on testosterone in that article made me really angry. "I never wished to transition to be a man, I just wanted to knock some of my edges off. " Fuck absolutely off. I had a friend take her own life whilst on the waiting list for the gender identity clinic because she couldn't cope with living in a body that appeared male.

*hug* Sorry to hear that about your friend, truly am. JM treats this things as a fashion fad, I'm convinced of it.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Photographer.. rip camera

She was a dancer for 12 years

I mean, assuming she meant childhood really. Also. Dance costs a frigging fortune. Parents who don’t give a shit about their daughter don’t chuck x12 years of dance money at them. I’m sure they would have bought her a lightbulb.

 

[Harrybosch]

Another good one. Glad at least some people are calling her out.

Did she?! I missed that. What was she saying?

Yes, tell us more. The other review mentions it too.

 

[OhhBacon]

Mate. No.

It is so ridiculous because spaghetti hoops are perfectly acceptable and delicious as they are. For the love of God put them on some bloody toast and be done with it.

 

[Breakdance Badass]

Couldn’t agree more! Your viewpoint changes with your own experience but I’m not that much older than Jack and both my parents are dead. I didn’t always appreciate my folks as much as I should (especially my mum, I was 18 when she died) but I can guarantee I would not have slated them on social media, knowing either them or their friends/family would see it!

Totally agree @LennyBriscoe - both mine are dead too (before I was 21), I think some people don’t appreciate what they have? There are some children with horrendous lives. Joe Wickes is an absolute twat, read his thread on here. He is attention seeking and clearly has some sort of eating disorder the way he talks about food. I’m a huge advocate of breastfeeding but how DARE he chastise his Mum publicly, or at all. Also, his children’s mother left a 2 week old baby to go to a hotel with him overnight...hardly a positive breastfeeding supply and demand example!!

 

[lipsticktaser]

Put across an alternative theory in Court - “if said Caroline does exist then my position is JM may well stand over her and tell her what to tweet, as the wording is so similar”




Dun dun!

This is my back tat. It should make me easily identifiable in court. That and the can of spam under my arm.

 

[Harrybosch]

Just went for a walk and come back to fridge-gate detective work. You guys never disappoint! I'll post a tin of beans to the first person who comes up with a full fridge/freezer/fridgefreezer timeline, ideally drawn up in Visio.

 

[Flumps]

FFS there's only 26 bones in the foot, trust Jack my-black-cat's-blacker-than-your-black-cat Monroe to break 47 of them

I came off my motorbike once, slid down the road with it, a fair distance, my foot completely stuck underneath it, and only managed to break one bone out of an available 26. I'm such a slacker.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Spent 10 minutes trying to peel a clove of garlic.

She was using that broken foot for it x

 

[NP]

I’m way behind and I’m going to sound like the person who pipes up after everyone has already moved on to something else but... Jack had bread and an egg, but instead of just making egg on toast, she made some fluffernutter sugar-filled combo because she’s such a maverick and she felt so much parent guilt because that’s so relatable guys (and her son was in mismatched pyjamas because everything is just so frantic! Nevermind that my kid is forever in mismatched pyjamas because he grabs whatever is in the drawer first. Never thought it was noteworthy!) ... but I’m guessing this scenario didn’t actually ever happen and she just made up some story to go along with the recipe that she didn’t actually invent because you can find a million of them on Google. Purely my own opinion and speculation your honour.

Also I’m not getting the link between the recipes we’ve seen so far and depression. On bad days am I meant to waste time making a fried sugar sandwich instead of just having egg on toast which takes zero effort?

 

[Thank(space)you]

Think this was Jack in disguise?

 

[Cookiecookie]

Joe Wicks is an absolute dick. If the worst thing that has happened to you in life is that mummy didn't breastfeed you, you really do have issues!

Jack has a really weird relationship with her family and the father of her son. Her lies are so public, it must really hurt them when they read it.