Jack Monroe #154 The book has furloughed itself

[Sideboard Bob]

Reckon slopbots next song could be a remix rendition of the legend and country queen Dolly Parton '9 to 5'.... but could be working 95 hours a day?

Dolly’s secret tattoos of hearts and little butterflies would beat the crap out of Jack’s cacophony of ink.
(I have to be honest now and admit I have no idea what “cacophony” means. I’m no linguist but I‘m guessing it’s from the Greek meaning ”symphony of tit”?)

 

[PunkyMonkey]

Good grief, what a ten page grunk, I am deceased

I'm exceptionally vexed by being referred to as a melt; that's my word, stop appropriating emergency services culture and get Mr Spoon to pop you back on Button Moon toot sweet, you daft yoghurt.

@Blurp your tattoos sound enchanting, I wish we could see them! @traumatised sideboard yours have confirmed that you are indeed one of the coolest fraus (to me, anyway).

But it was the bilingual goats and the idea of keeping stuffing in a jar to use as seasoning that pushed me over the edge.

Stuffing? IN A JAR?!

 

[HotesTilaire]

Dolly’s secret tattoos of hearts and little butterflies would beat the crap out of Jack’s cacophony of ink.
(I have to be honest now and admit I have no idea what “cacophony” means. I’m no linguist but I‘m guessing it’s from the Greek meaning ”symphony of tit”?)

That is literally where it came from. Kakos is bad phone is sound!

 

[TitsMcGee]

tit, Jack's just elevenerifed my Irishness despite me being born and raised in Ireland and living here now.

I'll admit my ignorance - never heard of a blaa before today.

Babe same - I grew up in Wexford and I’d not heard of it either!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

That is literally where it came from. Kakos is bad phone is sound!

I live for facts like this, thank you!

@Blurp your tattoos sound enchanting, I wish we could see them! @traumatised sideboard yours have confirmed that you are indeed one of the coolest fraus (to me, anyway).

But it was the bilingual goats and the idea of keeping stuffing in a jar to use as seasoning that pushed me over the edge.

Stuffing? IN A JAR?!

Agree agree agree yes! I wanna see everyone’s tattooooos, but I think we’ve* already triangulated ourselves too much for one day.
And I read the link on the bilingual goats, so cool!

*I say ”we”, my one insanely basic tat wouldn’t identify me, but there are a couple I’ve designed that definitely would (this is not as cool as it sounds but I‘m still pathetically proud of it! )

 

[HotesTilaire]

@TitsMcGee liking the new avatar, dame viv (rip) hairdoo always scared me.

 

[BashmentLady]

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"""Fellow Irish""" my actual bleeping hole.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Looks like the 'Fellow Irish' tweet has been deleted.

 

[waffle maker]

I can still see the 'fellow Irish' tweet, it's buried in replies. Jack was up late on twitter!

I expect today will be the day she cracks on with the slop book and doesn't twit about.

 

[JJusa69]

Would some "fellow Irish" like to explain to me, slowly, carefully and gently what a blaa actually is?
In my 45+ years being *actually* Irish I've never heard of one.

Ps. I can't believe I'm in actual time. This only ever happens when Jack is silent. Then she does a chaos and bam, I'm back 2 threads behind.

 

[Skyfall]

Looks like the 'Fellow Irish' tweet has been deleted.

Nope still there- still being ‘fellow Irish- ‘

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

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I find her joke about Chernobyl offensive and off the mark (sorry everyone).

At what point is it deemed acceptable to make crude jokes about a disaster that potentially killed millions? When it took place under a communist regime that no longer exists? When it occurred almost 40 years ago?

So, instead of going on anymore about it (and the granola), I am going to make 27k viggle’s granola for my neighbours (obviously sending Mrs Tunnel round with it).

 

[discokebab]

As a sideboard with a forensic interest in tattoos, hers are objectively tragic. They're all blown out. You can't even tell what that thing is underneath 'First Do No Harm'. It looks like some kind of sea anemone. There's nothing wrong with going for the sticker approach to a sleeve but she clearly just kept waltzing into whatever studio happened to be closest (or judging by the quality, cheapest) as soon as she saw an idea on Pinterest. Only my opinion, Your Honour - she wanted the aesthetics of being tattooed to 'look hard' without having any real interest in tattoos as an art form.

Also I have medieval weapons and armour tattooed on me you bleeping weasel, I'd be more afraid if you threatened to force feed me some botulism-laced lard-based slow-cooked slop.

Yes to all of the above. The cheap tattoo slingers don't care if it makes a crappy tattoo and customers who insist on fighting with experienced tattooists can be just as bad (yes I am speaking from personal experience of the latter by fuckwhittery of both me and Mr Kebab - he is rapidly running out of room now even after extensive lasering and he's only got his neck, a partial limb and the very soft ouchie bits left clear).
Just because something makes a nice piece of wall art, sticker or saying doesn't mean it will look good as a tattoo and it surprises me that people get to levels of heavily tattooed and don't realise this.
Add Jack to the bucket with Ed Sheeran.

 

[Harrybosch]

Oh look, Jack wrote an anonymous letter to the guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/money/2...tivation-to-work-how-can-i-change-my-attitude

 

[MaineCoonMama]

@discokebab you've hit the nail on the head! I hate that graffitied school desk look.

 

[bladiesla]

Don’t you have to mangle the pronunciation of “Chernobyl “ to get it to a rhyme with Fogle?

That's what I thought too, it's trying so hard to be funny about something not funny at all. (In my head I pronounce it the Dutch way, Chair-noh-bil, so did not see the rhyme joke at all anyway).

I never knew Ed Sheeran had tattoos (as I have no interest in him), but those are quite eh something (almost all articles about his tattoos are about how his tattoo artist should be jailed ). I also learned about the history of soft rolls in Ireland after googlng blaas (French Huguenots apparently brought the recipe to Waterford).

It's not even 7am and look at me, expanding my pub-quiz trivia knowledge

 

[colouredlines]

I lived in Ireland for six years, which is six more than Jack. You can add me to the "wtf is a blaa?" pile.

I'm starting to get the impression it's one of those regional delicacies that is deeply beloved by everyone from the region, but not tasty/exciting enough for other people to care. A bit like a precious family tradition viewed from the outside.

(A few years ago I was living in Granada 🔺️ and a friend offered to make me a traditional breakfast to celebrate the Día de Andalucía. It was a bread roll dunked in a mixture of olive oil and sugar. He then put the Andalucían anthem on Spotify and literally began to cry. I was...less emotional. I feel that blaa may be in this general category.)

 

[waffle maker]

I pronounce it 'chair- novel' so I didn't get the Fogle "joke".

 

[Captainmouse]

Also, doesn't she get a chippy tea quite often from SB's dad? (At least he picks it up, no?)

Charlie binghams isn’t difficult

 

[Powershower]

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Good luck in the battle x

“Really well done”

I thought she’d hate this. It’s made her lisp as small as they probably are in really life