Jack Monroe #154 The book has furloughed itself

[traumatised sideboard]

You may recall a few threads ago after someone re-posted the Jackapella 'Landslide' video that I said I could make an entire song using solely sounds from it if I wanted to give us all nightmares. Well, a seed was sown and I found myself in need of a distraction project this week so I did it. I would call it an arrangement rather than a remix as I've put the words in a more appropriate order for our Slop Princess. Unfortunately we can't get the full effect because the bloody pillock got the lyrics wrong and didn't realise that the final verse isn't the same, it's a variation on the first which would have contained some essential words that I needed.




Please only listen if you're feeling masochistic. It's definitely an improvement on Jack warbling in a hotel bathroom but even Slopbot can't turn her into Stevie Nicks.

 

[Mr Krabs]

What I ordered from Wish.com vs what I received.

 

[MancBee]

Harley, as you are reading here, nobody harasses Jack, we discuss Jack and the anomalies and lies in her stories. No harassment involved.

We are allowed to air an opinion on things that Jack puts into the public domain, We are also able to make comments on your content as you have put it out for people to read. Unfortunately for you, your gender, sexuality and disabilities (like Jack) does not preclude you having critical reviews of your content.

Thank you, a disabled, chronically ill, gay man.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Guys, I just clicked on my profile and yesterday was my Tattle anniversary ! Came for Pip and stayed for Jack!

I know I’m a soppy old NYPD Detective but what’s been a tough year has been made so much easier by you guys. The laughs, actual belly-laughs at the jokes, the screenshots, the banter, the refaces, the photoshop has been a real tonic.

Jack I know you (regularly) read here and I reckon you’re a wee bit jealous at the bants we have here. A group of total strangers, thrust together by your exploits but who show compassion, support and empathy to each other in a way I don’t think you’ve ever known sadly. So just before you and your cabal (one-man cabal really) dishonestly miscall us again, just remember that you fuel all this and keep this all going.

 

[MancBee]

Jack Tweeted "We should all put our names in a hat, cook for our nominated person and leave it on the door step. Like a big Twitter come dine with me but without the snark, knicker rummage, and snake pissing on the table mid-meal"

Me and the neighbours on my landing have been making meals for each other and leaving them on the doorstep throughout lockdown. There are 4 flats on our side of the building, so we each make a meal when we feel up to it and can afford it. We hardly knew each other before the lockdowns, but we have got to know each other so much more chatting across the landing. At least something good has come out of this terrible situation.

Normally we make a meal once a fortnight each. It is always pre arranged, so the recipients don't cook that day. It is what is called neighbourly and thoughtful, something Jack would know nothing about.

 

[Cunderthunt]

She has definitely caused this. This morning she was fine. Normally when you try to treat something, you wait AT LEAST a few hours if not longer to see if it has worked. She's not had enough time in the day to see if her huge list of treatments work. Therefore, she has been basically putting them all on together.

I bet she had the tiniest rash or soreness and put the entire contents of her medicine box on it to make it as fucked as possible. And to be quite honest, it still doesn't look that bad.

I had severe endometriosis pain yesterday for 4 hours non-stop (it comes in peaks and troughs that last 2-4 hours) and it made me too weak to stand, I had pins and needles in my face, I was shaking and sweating all over, it was a huge physical effort just to turn over in bed, and I couldn't hold a conversation. I passed out for about 20 seconds at one point. I felt physically sick and frightened, and didn't want to be on my own. Not to make this all about myself, but my point is, Jack, if you're reading, that if you're actually suffering from severe enough pain to be delirious, you can't bloody tweet about it.

 

[Lisbon]

So no update from NarcUs Rashface this morning?

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

I am reposting this while we wait for a rash update.

6th February 2018

I'll stop reposting old stuff, I promise.

 

[SweetTransvestite]

Hey you despicable, bullying shit-bags Just popping in to see we're not all out there kicking orphans & drowning kittens.
I'm just checking in from the past where it's still acceptable to earn a living from being an actual lying disgrace & embarrassment to your family..
Big love 'n' hugs to all that need that sort of thing, a kick in the shin to those tattoo'd enough who clearly deserve it & a massive hug to anyone who needs a friendly ear. My thing is open (Easy now, it's not a cry for help).
Seriously though, if anyone wants to chat please do
ETA. Am sure the Boris thing hit in different ways but seriously, if anyone needs a friendly ear HMU.. I'm happily married & don't need to see anyones "cakes"

 

[waffle maker]

My poor old dad had a fall at the weekend and my mum didn’t want to bother anyone when she couldn’t get him up so she called 111. They found out he’d had a stroke because he’s lost feeling in one leg. He’s in hospital now, and will soon (a week we hope) be on the same rehab ward as my father in law, who just lost his leg to Clovid complications. The NHS is so stretched. Don’t use it for a face rash you prune. I also feel like a lot of stuff is happening at the moment.

 

[Universal]

Her bone idleness got to me this week. You know when a real life situation makes you sit up and think about what a lazy, entitled, untalented person she is - she just got lucky once and is riding the wave.

My beautiful friend is head of care of the elderly at a NHS hospital but is in a role that gives her time to manage the staff and time on the ward, since covid she has had two weeks annual leave. She is working 60/70 hour weeks and is on call. Her and her husband are independently wealthy as she inherited a house and he was a successful DJ in the 90s (this year he has raised £££ for the music industry doing on line gigs etc, and not pocketed a penny). This week she called me and was on her knees with the workload, the hours, the worry, the lack of staff, having to staff the ward last minute as someone hadn't turned up. Her husband had suggested that she hand in her notice as they dont need her wage and she was so torn and upset as she knows she is the best person right now to deliver this service but its breaking her. Patients are dying and she is doing her best to look after them and their families with dignity and respect. She is fucking wonderful and is refusing to give up as money is not her motivation, she just knows its the right thing to do to make sure our older population are well cared for medically, clinically and emotionally.

I live in hope that Jack reads this. I hope you know there is no comparison to you and people who work hard because they are essentially, good people.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[colouredlines]

I am BUSY today but I wanted to pop in to mark an important anniversary:

Today we celebrate a full 3 months since Jack Monroe posted an update on her Patreon page.

Here's to many more months of money for nothing!

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Good luck in the battle x

 

[Pocahontas]

I wonder why she deleted the info for the £140 necklace

 

[Begborrowsteal]

These people always chime back with 'get a hobby'. When im not working, studying and parenting, this is my hobby. Fuck off.

 

[Pocahontas]

I think quite a few of us (cough cough, granola, cough, pistachio milk, cough) need to take this advice.

Especially those of us who are still wondering what was simmering back in June. (screenshot: Northern Soul)

 

[Pocahontas]

I hope she paid £140 for it. will show her what it feels like to be ripped off.

Perhaps she shouldn’t make such ... rash ... purchases.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Two young lovebirds. Together right until the end
Like Romeo And Juliet, just by the apothecary as well. Tragic.

 

[colouredlines]

I lived in Ireland for six years, which is six more than Jack. You can add me to the "wtf is a blaa?" pile.

I'm starting to get the impression it's one of those regional delicacies that is deeply beloved by everyone from the region, but not tasty/exciting enough for other people to care. A bit like a precious family tradition viewed from the outside.

(A few years ago I was living in Granada 🔺️ and a friend offered to make me a traditional breakfast to celebrate the Día de Andalucía. It was a bread roll dunked in a mixture of olive oil and sugar. He then put the Andalucían anthem on Spotify and literally began to cry. I was...less emotional. I feel that blaa may be in this general category.)