Jack Monroe #154 The book has furloughed itself

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A collection of congratulations to @Harrybosch for your dry wit, and @MarzBarzie and @Captainmouse for the nomination! šŸŽ‰ Huzzah. Your prize: VIP tickets to the book launch (donā€™t hold your breath).

Recap of last thread

  1. She showed off the artwork that was both ā€˜bought in better timesā€™ and a gift from an ex. Also on display was the sofa that ā€˜Katie Hopkins paid forā€™.
  2. Someone drew her like Nigellaā€™s garden.
  3. Good morning from her, her book deadline and her evil eye.
  4. Turns out she has had some past dealings with Sarah Awkisombe. Awkward. Shouldnā€™t have boasted about having a Go Henry card.
  5. Uh-oh, technical troubles with the book. Why her? Why now? Just tweet about cheese, baby.
  6. What more could befall her? Rash on her face, thatā€™s what. The outrage. Donā€™t offer her remedies. She tried everything.
  7. [*]
    Please use the words ā€˜thread titleā€™ when making a bid for one as it makes it easier to search.

    New to Jack? Have a look at the wiki.
    [*]
 
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Just popping my glandular fever prediction on the new thread in case Iā€™m right šŸ˜‚

The lumps sheā€™s claiming fit (as if sheā€™s googled it...) and it has the exhaustion symptoms she seemed to want to claim when she was in Long COVID season.
 
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Just popping my glandular fever prediction on the new thread in case Iā€™m right šŸ˜‚

The lumps sheā€™s claiming fit (as if sheā€™s googled it...) and it has the exhaustion symptoms she seemed to want to claim when she was in Long COVID season.
But where has she caught it? The partner LEFT. No šŸ’‹ in Lockdown for our favourite man dating former prostituting destituting lesbian/ queer/ non- binary... oh you get the idea.
 
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Jack, babes! Web MD reckons youā€™ve got the plague. Better have another lie down dear heart ā¤
 
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But where has she caught it? The partner LEFT. No šŸ’‹ in Lockdown for our favourite man dating former prostituting destituting lesbian/ queer/ non- binary... oh you get the idea.
If she goes for the same tactic as she did with COVID, SB will get the blame šŸ˜”
 
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I just re-read the legendary Thread 31 for old times' sake, and my god, I wish I'd been here for the moment Jack joined in. History in the making, really :')
 
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Iā€™m betting either the expired makeup or homemade bubble bath. Should we start a sweep?
 
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Ouch! I think sheā€™s picked a zit or two and is exaggerating for sympathy.
 
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Oh my, Iā€™m cringing out of my hole at how predictable this is. I wouldnā€™t put it past Sicknote Monroe to be dabbing the thrice used beetroot juice on her face for full effect at this point šŸ˜³
 
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Poor agent and publisher. This is all for their benefit. From the 'look at me up early!' to computer failure then strange spotty rash.
Was her meeting 'up town' today (Monday) with one of them to discuss the completed tome? Maybe a bit of blue sky thinking about titles - 'Gruel! It's Cool!'
 
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She has definitely caused this. This morning she was fine. Normally when you try to treat something, you wait AT LEAST a few hours if not longer to see if it has worked. She's not had enough time in the day to see if her huge list of treatments work. Therefore, she has been basically putting them all on together.

I bet she had the tiniest rash or soreness and put the entire contents of her medicine box on it to make it as fucked as possible. And to be quite honest, it still doesn't look that bad.

I had severe endometriosis pain yesterday for 4 hours non-stop (it comes in peaks and troughs that last 2-4 hours) and it made me too weak to stand, I had pins and needles in my face, I was shaking and sweating all over, it was a huge physical effort just to turn over in bed, and I couldn't hold a conversation. I passed out for about 20 seconds at one point. I felt physically sick and frightened, and didn't want to be on my own. Not to make this all about myself, but my point is, Jack, if you're reading, that if you're actually suffering from severe enough pain to be delirious, you can't bloody tweet about it.
 
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As we said back in December, you donā€™t batch cook with a 106f fever
Donā€™t worry @Cunderthunt she isnā€™t actually that unwell like a real person, sheā€™s just performatively unwell on twitter and IG which doesnā€™t hurt quite as much
 
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It looks like my skin after Tiger Balm or Deep Heat. I can only use cooling gel or a painkiller one. As a child, my father once put Tiger Balm on my shoulder and neck and I was screaming for it to be washed off; it causes a red swollen rash for at least a day afterwards.

I wonder if her ouchie mouths are actually sinus related, given her nasal speaking voice. Even doctors and dentists can find it difficult to distinguish the cause and upper tooth roots are very close to the sinuses. Time for ENT, Jack!
 
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Infrequant poster here and usually dip in and out (sheā€™s not good for my MH). However, just wanted to muse on the point of her being a ā€œformer sex workerā€. If this is true, would she not have been very well off financially? Because of my former job (šŸ”ŗ), I know that those (without addictions) made incredible amounts of money and were able to save and buy their forever homes, fancy cars etc. Where in the 9 months of poverty could she have been a sex worker? And if so, why did she still need to claim benefits? Outside of the poverty timeline why would she have been a sex worker?
 
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Plus Ƨa change!

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If only her publishers would just extend her deadline... oh wait.
 
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I wonder if her ouchie mouths are actually sinus related, given her nasal speaking voice.
Good point. If I get random tooth ache I take Sinufed (sp???) as it is sinus pain, sometimes signalling a cold, settling in my jaw and teeth. No ouchy teething necklace used. I am an adult.
 
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