Jack Monroe #123 CAROLE MALONE IS AWAY

[LeftToMyOwnDevices]

Guten morgen Frauen und Herren
Important questions of the day - is Jack Monroe’s long covid even longer long covid today? Has her housemate Louisa Compton’s coronavirus reached long covid status yet?

* back to grunking now - lots of Jack Monroe long covid overnight activity to catch up on

Did Jack Monroe have covid coronavirus or did Jack Monroe pretend to have covid coronavirus to upstage Louisa Compton who actually had covid coronavirus?

@Blurp asking the important questions everyone wants to know the answers to - you could be the channel 4 news covid correspondent...

It’s defo not the long covid if you can smell toast

You can only smell and taste kippers if you have the long covid (edit: also known as coronavirus and COVID-19), ask Jack Monroe

 

[LyraBalaqua]

Morning Usual Suspects, some of you have worked extra hard on the night shift , can I offer you a big plate of delicious kippers and eggs, they’re very tasty and guaranteed to hit the spot.

I forecast a very dark cloud over Southend today , no 60 mile bike riding today <taps nose>.

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

Seeing her write ‘The ‘rona’

Makes me want to walk barefooted on 10 plugs

 

[LeftToMyOwnDevices]

She doesn't look ill at all, certainly not like anyone who's had a temperature of 106°F. I'm not sure what the hell I had a couple of months ago, certainly some sort of infection and gastric problems (though I've heard since that Covid 19 can present like that). I was hot and cold, sweaty, sleepy, hardly ate or drank and looked like death warmed up, with a sickly and blotchy white face tinged with green. I never took my temperature but apparently my urine sample showed that I had some sort of infection somewhere (through white blood cells?). I was ill for two to three weeks and ill enough to be able to sleep in my car in the car park while waiting for the sample test results. I certainly didn't look like an ickle smol pixie with good hair (mine was sweaty, lank and greasy) and a delicate blush.

I say, chaps and chapesses, do you possibly think that Jack Monroe, the Slopslinger from Southend, may just possibly have been lying about having the rona, coronavirus, Covid, Covid 19 or whatever you call it? Even though her putative housemate, Louisa Compton, tested positive for Covid 19?

Absolutely

edit: Jack Monroe is a covid, covid-19, coronavirus charlatan, in my opinion, using the evidence provided by Jack herself. Jack Monroe’s (mainly now deleted) timeline of activities combined with the reports by housemate Louisa Compton in the Times don’t fit

 

[Nippybippy]

Too short. Jack Monroe covid lies.

 

[LyraBalaqua]

Chaos incoming from Southend

 

[Malibubarbie88]

Jack monroe: these people obsessively follow my every move

Also jack monroe : lemme just document my every move. Whilst breaking lockdown rules. While stricken with covid-19.

Makes perfect sense.

 

[jenny2603]

Guten morgen Frauen und Herren
Important questions of the day - is Jack Monroe’s long covid even longer long covid today? Has her housemate Louisa Compton’s coronavirus reached long covid status yet?

* back to grunking now - lots of Jack Monroe long covid overnight activity to catch up on


@Blurp asking the important questions everyone wants to know the answers to - you could be the channel 4 news covid correspondent...


You can only smell and taste kippers if you have the long covid (edit: also known as coronavirus and COVID-19), ask Jack Monroe

I think we can be certain that Jack Monroe's Long Covid will be the longest case of Covid-19 ever recorded. It's often said that when people lie about an illness such as Coronavirus, they choose the worst possible symptoms. I personally found the account of Coronavirus given by Louisa Compton of Channel Four news very credible and wonder if it's the attention she received from this that inspired her housemate, Jack Monroe, the Bootstrap Cook to lie about being ill with the 'rona aka Coronavirus, Covid 19 or Covid.

I note that Jack Monroe is planning to gently, slowly pull together a list of recipes which might help people experiencing lack of taste as a Covid or Long Covid symptom. It could be argued that the Bootstrap Cook, Jack Monroe is trying to cash in on Covid-19. Certainly Jack Monroe's recent partnerships with the Express and Del Monte show that she is not someone who lets ethics stand between her and easy money even if it means lying about having Coronavirus.

 

[Froggies]

Those photos give me The Rage. You do not look that well after being ill, even with a cold. Whenever I get a cold, my eyes are still puffy and my lips chapped a few days after all symptoms have gone.

And I see no evidence of bodybuilding in those photos either, pescatarian or otherwise.

 

[Tittykitty]

Blimey, that's been some catch-up this morning.

Er, I have a sheep confession to make, I have temporarily mislaid Nibbles, Loppy and 406. I put the whole flock back out on the hill a week ago, which is several thousand acres of common grazings, and they usually settle down in the second valley away from the village gate. Went up yesterday with some hard feed because we've had a couple of days of nasty weather, headed towards the valley calling 'Come on, ladies' and sure enough, as soon as I was in earshot, I started getting answering 'BAAAAAAAAA's and they came galloping over. Except it was only April and the other 2-year-olds, Nibbles, Loppy and 406 weren't with them and I couldn't find them anywhere.

I'm not too worried, they do like to keep themselves to themselves. I'm going to check the clearance village today, which is another valley over again, as there's better grass around it and no one else has got their sheep out at the moment so the sheep normally hefted there won't be pushing them off it. If they're not there, they might have gone down to the other side of the main road, which was their preferred spot in the spring until the sheep that are normally there got put out after lambing. If I still can't find them after that I'll see if I can borrow my friend's drone and have a scan over a wider area!

Let’s hope they haven’t been abducted and come back unable to baaaa

 

[MancBee]

View attachment 361921

Why is it always people like her retweeting these things? Because nothing spells integrity like lying about having COVID for the likes...

People make assumptions about your motives based on their own experiences of life, NOT their own lack of integrity.

Easier to blame the integrity of those that see you for what you are, rather than understand that they have met people like you before.

I've had a couple of days trying to Gunka my way up to real time. I have a few hours off to watch a couple of films and I'm pages and pages behind!

 

[Nippybippy]

Sorry if this one has been posted...

 

[Veronicaaa]

Chaos incoming from Southend

Lolll - live footage from the Covid Coronavirus bungalow of lies (Jack Monroe played by Marlon Brando, Tattle played by Martin Sheen).

 

[Bookweevil]

Sadly not an SEO frau my loves (& @Alansbigplate) do we have any in here who can better help us? Just trying my best / keen for the people to know more about Jack Monroe’s long covid and Louisa Comptom’s covid symptoms which they can find in her covid article in the Times xx

Basically, SEO used to work by Google’s ‘spiders’ crawling through web pages and picking up keywords that would then increase that page’s ranking. So you could cram a web page full of keywords in any old order. Or even fill up the rest of a page with the keywords written in a white font so they didn’t show up to the human eye - but Google would see them and count them. These days, though, very cleverly - or terrifyingly, depending on your point of view - Google scans text like a human and can understand good sentence structure. Copy that it identifies as good quality, useful content gets ranked highest of all. So writing a paragraph that makes sense and that a human would find informative will help boost page rankings, whereas sentences that mainly just repeat keywords won’t be counted. Hope that helps in this important mission!

 

[Nippybippy]

And this one. Lol

 

[MarmiteExtract]

Basically, SEO used to work by Google’s ‘spiders’ crawling through web pages and picking up keywords that would then increase that page’s ranking. So you could cram a web page full of keywords in any old order. Or even fill up the rest of a page with the keywords written in a white font so they didn’t show up to the human eye - but Google would see them and count them. These days, though, very cleverly - or terrifyingly, depending on your point of view - Google scans text like a human and can understand good sentence structure. Copy that it identifies as good quality, useful content gets ranked highest of all. So writing a paragraph that makes sense and that a human would find informative will help boost page rankings, whereas sentences that mainly just repeat keywords won’t be counted. Hope that helps in this important mission!

Just piggybacking on your very informative post to add that if the purpose is to bring people to the site, surely it’s best they come across informative text they understand rather than frankly bizarre paragraphs crammed with keywords?!

I get why people were doing it, but imagine clicking through from Google results and being met with the typed equivalent of a knock on the head.

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

Susie Dent
@susie_dent
·
23h

(Unofficial) word of the day is Merryneum: the blurry space between Christmas and the New Year.

The Gooch Week

 

[LeftToMyOwnDevices]

Basically, SEO used to work by Google’s ‘spiders’ crawling through web pages and picking up keywords that would then increase that page’s ranking. So you could cram a web page full of keywords in any old order. Or even fill up the rest of a page with the keywords written in a white font so they didn’t show up to the human eye - but Google would see them and count them. These days, though, very cleverly - or terrifyingly, depending on your point of view - Google scans text like a human and can understand good sentence structure. Copy that it identifies as good quality, useful content gets ranked highest of all. So writing a paragraph that makes sense and that a human would find informative will help boost page rankings, whereas sentences that mainly just repeat keywords won’t be counted. Hope that helps in this important mission!

Good intelligence thank(space)you

I still fail to see how Jack Monroe, thinks she can convince people she has long covid, when she’s been scampering around Southend, breaking lockdown and posting selfies looking positively glowing rather than suffering from covid, covid-19, coronavirus or indeed the lesser known ‘rona

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Blimey!!! It's been a busy night whilst I've been in a Bailey's induced slumber!

@Falkor please keep us posted on Nibbles and Loppy and....406.!!

 

[Emmapism]

Silent body shaking laughter from under the duvet this morning cabal. Truly truly wonderful.

However I don't know if this is 100% clear.

Are you suggesting that Jack Monroe (who famously uses basic ingredients in her cooking and has recently replaced Carol Malone as a columnist in the Express) doesn't have COVID at all?

And definitely doesn't have long COVID? That she calls it the Rona because her timeline doesn't add up, nor do her symptoms which seem to come and go? That Jack Monroe hasn't actually had a test for coronavirus? Unlike her housemate Louisa Compton of Channel 4 news who does definitely have Coronavirus and was written about in the Times yesterday?

JUST CHECKING!

ETA: @Falkor hope N&L&406 are a okay and up to something suitably sheepy somewhere