Jack Monroe #119 She says lots of things, many of which are false

[emmer_moans]

Now I did warn you before about this gravy of nightmares, but here you are:
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Looks gloopy - look at the air bubbles!

 

[Peachy9]

Looks gloopy - look at the air bubbles!

And made with blended raw onions

 

[HarderFaster]

He’s my first memory of anxiety, we were made to draw him on a school trip (in primary school!) which is really quite bad tbh. There’s also not much to draw he’s shrivelled up?

Sorry this is slightly O/T but I went to the British Museum for the first time like two years ago (lol provincial weirdo who also NEVER BOTHERED to go to a museum while I lived in London. Hi.) and the Egypt gallery was full of people TAKING SELFIES in front of the mummies. Rammed. Couldn’t see some cases for poseurs.

Like, without even boring the tits off everyone about decolonising museums/stolen artefacts is it not hugely distasteful to be doing the peace sign in front of ancient human remains?! Wild.

It’s now my dream for Jack Monroe to take a saggy crop top selfie riding a sarcophagus. For the lols.

 

[Emmapism]

Whilst we are on the subject of food waste- this is the bread and butter pudding I made from the pastries going spare at my local bakery. They sell them off cheaply using the app Too Good to Go and you can get a big bag of pastries for like £2. I made this with a leftover croissant and a cinnamon bun. Added eggs, sugar single cream and milk plus vanilla extract and some lemon zest. Mixed in some sultanas. I'm definitely no chef but it tastes banging with custard

I'd say three big portions or six small ones.

 

[Candytuft]

That “gravy” has just reminded me. What happened to the Kombucha ?

 

[PoorPatrol]

a christmas roast without braised red cabbage is a crime imo! hers isn't balanced at all, it's nice to have something crunchy (potatoes), something creamy (eg creamed leeks or cauli cheese), something slightly sweet and spiced (braised red cabbage), something green and crisp (sprouts, broccoli or in my case both)...this is obviously on top of all the other trimmings but at the very least a christmas roast needs those elements to be worthy of publishing in a bleeping newspaper!

Yes exactly, all of this. My friend’s mum, going back to I think I was probably v early twenties, was pontificating to us about how to make any meal excellent. What it came down to, she said, was contrast between but also marriage of flavours and textures. You then need variety of colour which = health, and balance. It was only when I started cooking regularly that I realised I was always asking myself if I was meeting her criteria. I aim for this even with the simplest of meals, even a sandwich! There are golden ratios and pairings that work for a reason. It’s why Thai food is so ridiculously wonderful, why things like cauliflower cheese is so amazing, shavings of spring onion can make a dish, and crispy roast potatoes are the food of the gods. She has zero understanding of any of this!

 

[BlendedSlop]

I'm probably behind but had to come straight here after seeing those pictures of her menu. How does she make everything look so unappetising!? The roast chicken looks like it's been wrapped in piss-stained clingfilm. The vegan "centrepiece" looks like it has less moisture than the Gobi desert (plus I will NEVER get over the audacity of her telling people to serve veggie/vegan guests with literal veg peelings and acting like she's done them a favour). The roasties look more depressing than a wet January weekend in Rhyl. The bleeping gravy, the colour of dishwater and the sheen of an oil slick. The lumpy vomit cocktail. That abomination she's daring to serve as a pudding. Zero waste? Believe me, love, there'd be a LOT of waste if you served this war crime to my family on Christmas Day.

 

[colouredlines]

According to what I've read, about 80% of covid cases have mild symptoms, or none at all.

There is a 0% chance that Jack will be in that 80%.

 

[Narc ahoy]

Jack's pigs in blankets look very rude

 

[Peachy9]

That “gravy” has just reminded me. What happened to the Kombucha ?

I think we can all guess how this mutated covid 'variant' in South East Essex started

 

[Pixieoneeye]

Southend ain’t posh. I love Southend, but it isn’t posh at all!

Yep! Southend is a lot of things, but posh isn't one of them!
Jack, we have 2 Icelands in southend and one in Leigh. Please for all that is good and holy - use them!!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

This is bonkers and I love it. I can’t stop watching the little fish just noping the duck out of there!

 

[HotesTilaire]

Oh it’s zero waste now is it?
Because I’m FEWMIN at the latest arrangement of slop, I’ve just popped over to Iceland.
I filled my trolley with -
Starter- Brie and cranberry pastry crown £2
Main- bacon wrapped turkey breast serves 4 1.15kg £7
20 Yorkshire’s £1
900g Mixed veg £1
907g Roasted potatoes in veg oil £1
400g Sprouts with chestnuts £1
280g Red cabbage £1
Any bisto that’s veggie £1
24 “trimmings” pigs in blanket and pork stuffing balls £3
Dessert- luxury Xmas pud serves 4 £2 (half price offer)
1kg Birds custard £1
£23.50
I’d probably not bother with frozen mixed veg, I’d spend the £1 on fresh carrots and swede.
This isn’t a zero waste dinner. There’s plenty of leftovers for Boxing Day. And it’s frozen so it will keep.
I think there’s too much spent on the meat to be honest. But yeah, similar cost as Mackie, but using much less electricity and with leftover food for another day....

 

[Minky McMoneypenny]

I've got a few pages to catch up, but I wanted the share this photo of the angel from the top of our tree. She fell off the tree today and both her arms broke off in bits. I've glued/sellotaped them back on, but instead of praying, she now looks like she's doing a slow, sarcastic handclap and she is totally a Frau! OMG, she's lost a bit of eye too

 

[PoorPatrol]

I've got a few pages to catch up, but I wanted the share this photo of the angel from the top of our tree. She fell off the tree today and both her arms broke off in bits. I've glued/sellotaped them back on, but instead of praying, she now looks like she's doing a slow, sarcastic handclap and she is totally a Frau! OMG, she's lost a bit of eye too
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I’m afraid there’s some bad news.... she’s now.... cursed!

 

[Scarletfever]

Cos I’m likely to forget, will someone please remind me close to the end of December to suggest “Veganuary-ish” as the first new thread title of 2021.

I was about to suggest "Pescatanuary"

 

[Walkdengirl]

Now I did warn you before about this gravy of nightmares, but here you are:
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I think I may vom. Why is she not using the lovely fat from the turkey? Heat in a pan until bubbling, stir in flour and cook till it looks sandy and so you cook the flour out. Slowly add hot stock (and veg water if you fancy) mixing well so it doesn't go lumpy. Let it simmer gently and I add the juices that have come out of the meat. I add a drop of gravy browning just to make it a nice appetising colour. (I actually use a cast iron casserole dish to cook my turkey or joint in, that way you get all the amazing juices and flavour from the bottom of the pan. Why is she obsessed with blending stuff? Why not make a proper roux?

I'm a pretty good at making gravy (hell, I am northern after all), but my mum made the best gravy ever. After she died (very unexpectedly) and we were stood outside the hospital shell shocked, one of the grandchildren started to sob because he'd never have the joy of one of her roast dinners, and her gravy. It's not the big things that get to you is it?

 

[YenE]

Now I did warn you before about this gravy of nightmares, but here you are:
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Sorry who the duck would want to wake up Christmas morning to the smell of onions?!?! For the love of god, gravy the forgotten Christmas scent. Someone needs to let Yankee candle know this they are missing a trick.

 

[BlendedSlop]

I've got a few pages to catch up, but I wanted the share this photo of the angel from the top of our tree. She fell off the tree today and both her arms broke off in bits. I've glued/sellotaped them back on, but instead of praying, she now looks like she's doing a slow, sarcastic handclap and she is totally a Frau! OMG, she's lost a bit of eye too
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This needs to become the standard reaction picture whenever Jack claims she's "worked really hard" on something.

 

[Walkdengirl]

And nice to see the the vegans can't have the gravy either as she has put lard in it, mind you that would be a blessed relief.