Chronic lazyitis
The problem is, she hasn’t been taught to cook, she’s constantly winging it
Chronic lazyitisWhy is is she feeling so "rotten" when there's been no actual confirmation of her diagnosis?
The problem is, she hasn’t been taught to cook, she’s constantly winging itI think she must have been taught to cook by Blackadder’s Baldrick.
Have you ever seen the Victoria wood monologue when she talks about Christmas? Very funny.I know why that miserable 'Christmas' pile of nihilism on a plate bothers some fraus.
It's the meanspirited half effort made by the ex mother in law on the day you were informed that you had to go there rather than have your own Christmas 'Because visiting family is what middleclass families do'.
You aren't allowed to give the kids all their presents to wake up with, as it's not the done thing, so they've had three each. You've been told that because you'll be eating Dinner soon, you're not to let them have anything more than toast or a bowl of cereal at 8.30am, rather than making a proper Christmas Breakfast accompanied by a Bucks Fizz or boozy coffee as he's going to be driving, so you aren't allowed either. 11.30am comes and you dutifully wrangle children into acceptable clothing when they just want to play with toys and watch Christmas movies. You drive in silence to deepest Suburbia, past houses full of giggling children and cycling lessons in the streets and parks.
Once you arrive, you notice just how little has been decorated. There's a thirty year old and dusty like a long dead Aunt decoration on the inside porch door - no putting a wreath on the outside, as somebody said once that wreath mean 'All Welcome' and nobody wants that. The Christmas Tree lights are off 'because it's not Christmas Eve any more'. It's either deathly silent or the father in law is going through his 27 CD collection of Christmas carols as performed by a synthesizer orchestra from the early 70s as per A Clockwork Orange . The dogs have been shut out in the garden and the washing still stands on an airer in the conservatory.
Three hours later, the other sibling and spouse turn up. MIL now goes into firefighting mode as there are SIX people in the house. Dinner is nearly ready, apparently, not that you can smell anything. The children are allocated a plastic table in the conservatory next to the FIL's Y fronts in case they giggle. You assemble hopefully, thinking that it can't really all be ready from the two saucepans you've seen boiling for the last hour in the kitchen. You've offered to help, but this has been turned down.
And then the plates arrive. You have one small slice of white/grey meat, skin removed. There are two pieces of slightly greasy, yellowish potato about the size of a Jersey Royal. Three strips of carrot. A piece of greying broccoli in its own puddle of cold cooking water. And about a tablespoon of chicken Oxo. That's it. You're sitting there in silence, feeling vaguely jealous of the dogs in the garden who have been given their own Turkey leg each as part of their raw feeding regime. The kids come back from the pants drying area to see where the rest of the food is. There is no more food; she's already slightly miffed that they expected more than one potato each. MIL declares that she is simply full to the brim and won't eat again today as everybody has had so much to eat already as she picks up the plates and goes to wash up, refusing your offer to help/escape from the silence, punctuated by a soundtrack you associate with beating somebody to death with a giant china phallus.
Then it's Present Time. You all have to sit down and take turns in opening the things you never wanted, including the 18 months out of date biscuits that FIL retrieved from a skip next door to his workplace. This goes on for so long that it's getting dark. But you're obliged to stay until after even the smaller shops have closed. The TV never goes on. Eventually, you leave after being offered a tablespoon of Christmas Pudding. There is no ice cream or anything the kids would have liked. Even a single cup of tea is accompanied by the instruction to use the secondhand teabag on the side as 'You can get two cups of tea from a teabag, you know'.
You take your bottle of £2 bubblebath, regifted diary and packet of biros from the Pound Shop (because middleclass families 'don't waste money on fancy presents'), get home and go back to a home that would have been warm, bright and comfortable. The food would have been joyful and filled with colour and flavour, the kids would have played and relaxed and eaten and watched a film cuddled up on the sofa in their new pyjamas whilst you finished the evening with the warm and fuzzy glow of a couple of drinks. And you think 'I am never, ever doing that again'.
Quoting you but several other posts said similar things.i feel really sad about people making this christmas dinner and having a horrible meal on a day that is supposed to bring the much needed happiness that so many people need this year! Even if some of the components are salvageable it'll all be ruined once you pour that absolutely foul gravy all over it
I'd like to think the only reason someone would attempt the 'Jack Kills Christmas' menu would be as a pass agg protest against having to cook at all but then I look at the Sqigs comments and fear that human stupidity is far deeper and more widespread than I feared. That said I too am traumatised by the very idea of that gravy to the point where I'm wondering if a good ten minute howl 'n' claw might bring some relief.i feel really sad about people making this christmas dinner and having a horrible meal on a day that is supposed to bring the much needed happiness that so many people need this year! Even if some of the components are salvageable it'll all be ruined once you pour that absolutely foul gravy all over it
SHAN'TSomeone PLEASE make this make sense.
Jack’s Timeline
14th December
Jack tweets about the school having to have Jonny isolate because of his teacher having Covid. But she doesn’t need to - however presents 100 reasons as to why she does. No mention of Louisa having Covid. However Louisa has since deleted her tweet about ‘testing positive’View attachment 350108
15th December
The BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. As everyone on Tattle predicted, Jack used the tale of SB and her multiple reasons for isolating as to why she couldn’t fulfil any posting obligations ‘incase her handling and signing goods means some catches something from her’. Which she doesn’t know if she has or not? When challenged, she doesn’t reply.
View attachment 350109
16th December
The slop! A late contender for the sloppies. The tweets with the foul Christmas dinner appears - along with multiple hints at how poorly she is and being under a weighted blanket. How has she cooked this stuff if so poorly? Why has Louisa deleted the tweet?
View attachment 350110
View attachment 350111
So in the space of 48 hours, Jack has gone from making up she has to isolate because of her son being in contact with someone having Covid at school, to then Louisa tweeting she has it and deleting it, to then creating a tonne of slop to suddenly insinuating she has Covid.
SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.
There’s a Reddit sub called JustNoMIL with is addictive reading. Take some of stories with a pinch of salt but some of it is so toxic but also fascinating to read.Is there a In Law Hell thread? I am morbidly fascinated. I am fascinated at how people can be terrible hosts or stick to tradition to the point where everyone is miserable!
Imagine SB bringing a wee gf or bf home in his teens
...fuck off!
Same goes for her big reveal for the awful sideboard posing which never came to anything.This kind of reminds me of Jack's 'very good reason' why she was using that weird comic book filter that she said she was going to announce, because she was getting so much shit about how jarring it was. Of course, there was never any announcement, because there was no reason. Some dumb squiggle suggested maybe there was a reason she was using it and Jack obviously just ran with it. Such a drama llama.
i get what you mean, and i don't mean it in a pitying or patronising way - i just know people (like my mum for example) who really don't know / care much about cooking so might just trust Jack if they're on a budget because they are already a fan of hers. There must be some people out there being tricked into making this crap, you generally assume someone who's recipes are featured in a newspaper at least slightly know what they're talking about!Quoting you but several other posts said similar things.
I don't think we're giving these people enough credit. They are just as human as we are. If we can see that this looks like horse shit, why wouldn't they?
If they then go on to make it, well that's their own silly fault.
It's common sense, surely???????
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