Jack Monroe #118 Diagnosis: gifted

[Smeghead]

I hope she tells the staff about her serious allergy to tomatoes.

Doctor: “Any existing conditions?”
Jack: *clear’s throat* “where do I begin?”

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Louisa’s deliveroo driver saving the day like

 

[MancBee]

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Hasn't had veg boxes for years? We saw her unpack one just a couple of months ago. She really is the very definition of gaslighting. If there weren't the receipts on here I would start to believe I was going mad.

 

[hollowhusk]

The world is slowly changing in such a good way. My own kids and the kids I teach do not care at all about insulting other people’s sexuality. It’s another example of Jack living in some sort of throwback 1970s world before she was born. There are plenty of idiots in the world, and horrible prejudice of all kinds, but in my experience, not the casual mainstream homophobia that Jack seems to make part of her ‘hilarious’ imp act.

I'm afraid the homophobia is alive and out there. My daughter is a lesbian, and most would describe her as butch. She was badly bullied at school, was called a fucking dyke at college last year by a random, has names called at her in the street and had one man in a pub tell her all gays need to be put down.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Hahaha @ people pointing out that she's just frozen a fuck load of portions, and suddenly they've eaten them all. Oh Jack, you do it to yourself.

 

[Harrybosch]

Also, if she doesn't want to talk about specifics, all she'd have to say was 'We've found out we have to self-isolate for 10 days. Thankfully none of us have symptoms so far. Wish us luck!''

Even that is total wankery, but this vague sympathy fishing followed by telling everyone off is truly the worst.

 

[HarderFaster]

Imagine the scene -

Me: “I know I promised you a paper, an article and a bid application by Christmas but I’m afraid my computer may have a virus and so I won’t be able to send these over”

My boss: “Ok can you send me a link to the working documents via Google Docs?”

Me: “Erm, no because I didn’t use any cloud backup, it’s all on my desktop and may be infected”

My boss: “Right, shall we just risk the file itself being sent over then?”

Me: “Ummmmm, no, I’m super cautious about these things for personal reasons that it isn’t my business to share with you”

My boss: “Well in that case you’re going to have to send me the hard copies by post”

Me: “But, but... VIRUS!! What if the nefarious cyber bugs are passed on by POSTMEN HACKERS?!”

A real life example of how Jack’s ridiculous protestations look to people who don’t live with their head up her sizeable Mediterranean arse. If any of us tried to pull this shit with our employers we would be fired, or at the very least subject to disciplinary action.

If we assume Jack is getting the minimum payment of £3.50pcm from all 365 donors (which we know is not the case because some are paying much more) this means she’s earning £1277.50 each month, or £15,330 p/a. This single and probably insignificant income stream is more than a considerable portion of the country, especially single mothers, earn for busting their arses in physical and/or customer facing roles with potentially unsociable hours.

It’s genuinely mind-boggling that she gets away with this shit. She’s posted, what, one of twelve reward packs? You keep at those 90 hour week and infallible “systems” you keep creating, though, Jack. Clearly working absolutely *chef’s kiss*

 

[Pocahontas]

No sympathy for her at all. It’s all drama and lies, like Harry says. It’s frustrating that despite all of her harking on about The Express and Del Monte (pay packets) there are still people who are offering to help her.

She’s made her whole career on a persona of someone struggling and doing her best. If she presented the truth, that actually - she’s pretty fucking ok - then, what has she got without that hook of the poor single mum using what she has at her disposal? Nothing but a whinger who’s a shit cook and a bad writer.

 

[Harrybosch]

Closely followed by “Another Day on the Monroellercoaster.” There were some cracking threads suggestions in the last thread.

The gifted thing makes me cringe so, so bad. When my eldest was in Year 3 we were told at parents evening that he had been identified as “gifted and talented” I think they called it, and all it meant was that the worksheets he was given were slightly harder and designed to challenge him. Apart from attending a creative writing day at another school with other “gifted” kids we never heard about it again. There was no diagnosis or ceremony and he wasn’t even aware of it because we never told him. Jack holds on to her school days for some odd reason. Like sending her book to the school teacher who said she’d be flipping burgers. Jack is forever reliving her glory days.

The whole 'gifted' thing is such a load of BS. Many children are great at many different things. Because the educational system insists on having very specific targets for certain age ranges, it inevitably means that a number of children exceed these targets. To suggest that those children are gifted is ludicrous. All it means is that the kids at that stage in their lives are doing more than the 'average' child at that age. It's lovely, be proud of it as a parent, but don't draw any conclusions. My older one was working at 'two years above his age' in maths for ages in primary school. He's now a teen and doing fine. He's good at maths but not brilliant. Other kids have surpassed him. I actually think his talent lies much more in other areas, some of which he was 'behind' in primary school (he was a late reader).

Anyway, I realise none of you care about my son and neither should you. It's just a small example how easy it is to distort the truth.

My son is a mathematical genius.
vs
My son really enjoyed maths and grasped concepts quickly when he was a child.

 

[Pocahontas]

The jokes about what she’s like in bed and cunnilingus aren’t relevant to the wider discussion. Personally don’t give a rat’s ass if she’s a ‘pillow princess‘ or not - and it’s got nothing at all to do with her other smorgasbord of known shit qualities.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Flashback to that time Jack accidentally uploaded the wrong photo.

 

[CottageWitch]

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SPAGHETTI HOOPS!!!

WHY WOULD THEY BE COLD??? She can't leave her house for 10 days, COVID isn't turning off her electricity??? SHE CAN USE THE MICROWAVE

 

[Pocahontas]

‘I’ve been training my whole life for this’

Hahahahahaha. It’s not Walking Dead, mate.

 

[jenny2603]

Jack misses Edinburgh "terribly". Why exactly? When she visited she went to Dishoom (chain), Five Guys (chain) and Sainsburys (chain) carefully avoiding a single penny going into the local economy. She's like those people who go to Spain and spend a fortnight in the Fighting Cocks eating fry ups.

 

[Scarletfever]

Whenever I read about Jack Monroe, I always pause at the duality of my response: the overwhelming urge to laugh my tits off at this pathetic pretentious pillock, and the white hot fury that she makes a living writing this drivel.

 

[Incywincy]

Christ, why is everything such a hush hush drama. "One" of the people has come into contact with a positive case. Well, it's either YOU or BB. Since you haven't specified YOU and it's "not your business to share", it's obvs BB.

So you've already shared BB's secret business you ninny

 

[Anonymous One]

I don't think so either but then the question becomes - I do not get how Louisa can tolerate the constant false narrative of Jack's twitter feed. It's especially galling as Louisa is high up in news which you would assume means that she's got a. a reasonably good bullshit radar and b. a high regard for a little thing called 'THE TRUTH'.

Isolation in the shitty bungalow: a shitty play.

Louisa: perhaps you should take up knitting Jack? You can’t tweet and knit so it’ll be great for your addiction.

Jack: okay but I’m not going to enjoy it. I’m only knitting passive aggressive beige squares.

L: why are you tweeting your knitting?! They’re just crappy squares! Your knitting is supposed to be for your Twitter addiction not your alcohol problem. I give up.

J: well you can’t leave! Track and trace just phoned and said you have to stay in the shitty bungalow & eat spaghetti-os with me.

L: They’re spaghetti hoops and if you rinse them I’ll be allowed to flee for my own safety.

 

[Alansbigplate]

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Finally! A sensible squiggle. Let’s see her reply to this one...

 

[Scarletfever]

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