Jack Monroe #118 Diagnosis: gifted

[HarderFaster]

Kinell, lots of hand wringing from the Frauen this morning.

To clarify that I’m not gloating and am working on the assumption that as a young, healthy household everyone will recover well, it’s nonetheless patently ridiculous that they formed this unnecessary bubble as a cover for some kind of codependent reunion while both working and are now shocked to have been exposed.

As we’ve said in earlier threads, these jobs didn’t just pop up from nowhere for Jack, there will have been weeks if not months of negotiations. She knew she’d have photoshoots and people coming into her home. Equally, surely Louisa was keeping abreast of the climbing number of cases in the south east, but continued making trips between London and Southend all the same.

I’m not gleeful (although I look forward to witnessing the evolution of Jack’s victimhood in these circumstances...), but when you think back to that laughable piece of paper with all the overlapping bubbles carefully laid out you’ve got to admit that they’re both absolute idiots for thinking that that was an acceptable arrangement.

We’re all fucking tired of the limitations, it’s been a shitty year, but some people definitely push the rules to their limits and look what’s happened

 

[Harrybosch]

BB is the 1,888,116th person to test positive for covid in the UK. JM will be the first person to truly suffer.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Isolation Jack era is going to be the worst era yet. And I'm here for it.

 

[Fitnessqueen]

So it started with SB having to self isolate because a teacher had tested positive. Then because the squigs were telling her she could still go out it became someone else having to self isolate because REASONS. And then because the squigs were still helpfully giving her ideas about how she could still work and function it’s become symptoms?
Have I got this correct so far?

 

[Hollaaa]

My child fell in a muddy puddle at school yesterday. All I've received so far are a pair of filthy trousers and completely wrecked shoes, but I have entirely realistic hopes for high end luxury goods come Christmas morning.

 

[Peachy9]

Excuses excuses it’s always excuses

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I don’t get it though? Is she saying she’s scared of handling the items and then the recipient contracting Covid from her? Even though there is no proof of her having it and THE WHOLE OF THE COUNTRY HAS BEEN DOING THIS FOR MONTHS BUT ICKLE JACK IS SPECIAL.

Just admit you’re a lazy cunt and can’t be arsed Jack. We all know the truth.

None of this makes any sense
You're not isolating Jack, as you didn't have contact. Your household doesn't even have symptoms.
I will repeat again.... How does she think the postal covid tests work for those who are actually unwell.
I've worked throughout this in hospital and the community, and now I'm redeployed into rolling out the vaccine programme. My kids have attended school and wrap around childcare throughout, and my partner works in intensive care. Yet Jack is the most at risk here and understands the spread of the virus more than any one which means she is unable to work. OF COURSE.
I'm going to have to have a lie down, this is too much.

 

[blurstoftimes]

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'I haven't thought of a decent enough lie yet, so I'm going to pretend that I'm protecting someone's privacy instead'

 

[MancBee]

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I will have to swear FUCK RIGHT OFF YOU FUCKING TWAT.....I feel better now.

I am in the vulnerable group and had to shield right through the first lockdown. Didn't leave the flat even for a walk for months. Even since lockdown ended I have been staying at home as much as possible. She has to stay in for 10 days and somehow it's a crisis. Dickhead.

 

[crystaleyesd]

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Holy shit... just shut the fuck up?

All the classics in here:
Greedy goblin snarfing
Fish... always fucking fish
Waaaaa I was once poooooor
Haven't I had SUCH a fascinating life?
But I also had to work my fingers to the bone cos I'm so working class innit
What a wordsmith! The duality of my hot decimated fury
ACTIVIST JACK - how dare you call her 'former'
Such a quirky unique speshul little pixie

 

[Malibubarbie88]

Yeah my husband has ptsd from living through every adverse childhood experience you can think of, then being shot at and bombed in his army career.

Pretty sure he would have given his right arm to have a middle class up bringing with extra curricula activities, a daddy who was a pillar of the community rather than an alcoholic gambler.

They cosplay being poor and traumatised but the reality of living that existence is hellish.

 

[crystaleyesd]

Jack positively gleeful at being able to force Louisa and Jonny to stay with her in isolation FOREVER AND EVER and eat her terrible concoctions. Multiple people pointing out it's just SB that has to isolate though - sure that's going to go down like a lead balloon...

 

[Harrybosch]

Can SB still see his dad if he’s in isolation? I feel sad for him stuck there. Surely his dad will drop round food etc if they are in a pinch, seeing as all the evidence (even Jack) says he’s a good dad. It’s zero risk to drop and run.

For anyone worrying about SB, Cooper, BB, the brambly mice, the sentient mirror or her three freezers - please don't. Most of what she posts is a lie.

In other news, and I don't know why this annoys me so much, but her heroic 'not wanting to put friends out' by picking up a few bits from the shop for her is a mindset I truly cannot stand. If you need something, neighbours, friends and family will be happy to get it for you. That's how society works. They'll be going shopping anyway or getting deliveries, so putting in a few extra bits is not a huge favour to ask of anyone, nor is dropping it round if it's your neighbour or a friend who lives locally. It's something that happens up and down the land on a daily basis and did even before this pandemic.

She has this idea of herself that she a heroic martyr who will bravely struggle on in the face of adversity, even when this 'adversity' could be solved by a phone call. In my view, that's not bravery, but stupidity.

Also, to be clear, she has a giant fridge, three freezers and cupboards full of food and a regular milk delivery to which she could add extra perishables like bread, juice, eggs, etc easily.

 

[Silver Linings]

The only class Jack knows about is first, amirite fellas?

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[HarderFaster]

Sorry but where the fuck was this instant ramen collection when she was flaunting her sad near-empty cupboard of Smart Price shite?

Honestly, is truth not a central tenet of Christianity, or does it not extend to her homophobic little evangelical hellscape?

I loathe this tactic of hers where she moans and hints at destitution then puts on this stoic “we’ll be fine” bullshit. She has about £40,000 of furniture in her massive detached house and a six month sell-out deal with Del Monte: she will be much better than fine.

 

[Malibubarbie88]

Does everything have to have a fucking back story too? I just had pasta n sauce because my nan used to make it for me while my mum went out to walk the streets begging for change and now when I eat it and it reminds me.... Oh no whhhhhhhoops. My bad. I just eat it because it's quick. And carby. No emotionally charged attachments to my snacks.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Jack said Louisa Compton made her get rid of the Brexit stockpile.

The way you’ve full named Louisa has ended me

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

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THEN DON’T FUCKING POST YOUR LIFE ON TWITTER.

JFC, she must be howling and clawing at the floor at the fact her squiggles aren’t up her arse tonight and are asking a perfectly reasonable question.

Jack is the type to tag herself on Facebook at the hospital then a squiggle asks what’s up and you get the ‘PM me hun. Not sayin on here bbz’

 

[Pocahontas]

The only 'sex post' I saw was a joke about how much stuff Jack has on her bed. I wouldn't rate it as the most tasteless thing ever posted here
So was the whole thing about SBs teacher made up?

I didn’t say it was the ‘most tasteless thing ever posted here’ - I said comments about if she’s a good ride or not, or a pillow princess, or if she can administer certain sex acts because she talks too much do not add anything to the wider discussion. It makes this place look juvenile as it’s got nothing to do with what can be criticised about her.

I’m not here to argue with anyone, so I’ll agree that it’s definitely not the most tasteless thing posted here. Surely that’s all the photos of her food. Boom boom.

 

[jenny2603]

Oh my God. Such mystery. I am so intrigued.

What CAN be going on at Shitty Bungalow? My weird little brain is birling here. So so mysterious.

This is awful I want to know so much but I know what a private person Jack is. I shall pray for the straw bearing precarious
camel during this difficult time.

Ah right 2/3 residents have been in contact with someone with Covid and all 3 have been in contact with each other so
I can see the sense in everyone isolating. No need to go all Mata Hari about it.

Are we taking bets on how long it takes Jack to develop symptoms and when she'll announce she has Long Covid?