Has that tweet now disappeared?
Jack Monroe #112 Is that it? IS THAT IT
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Jack Monroe Threads Wiki
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Can they wear hats that say BOY, and T-shirts that say FEMME. Styled with Burberry jackets, emblazoned on the back with classic, never happened to Jack, Pretty Woman slogan “big mistake, huge!” And a pair of Vivienne Westwood trousers (RIP).
Thought The Sloppies could maybe take place on a set like an amalgamation of Jack’s former flats?
Turn the heating down of course and occasionally the lights go out without warning.
Turn the heating down of course and occasionally the lights go out without warning.
Can it be the planetary friend award? In honour of dearly departed Saturn, it’s what he would have wantedAlexis is sadly disqualified for homophobic comments
Will add "any follower brave enough to call Jack out" to cover all the brave squiggles
Utter geniusTonight's version of the awards nominations so far.
I wonder at what point we'll have put more work into the sloppies than Mackie has into GQ article football research and the poverty book?
If any of you did ever do a cover of a song written on here that would be amazing! Sadly i am a tuneless human
By 2025 the sloppies will be bigger than glasto at the rate we're starting to see of disillusionment among people online
Most entertainingly bizarre lie
- The black eye
- Pescatarian bodybuilder
- The severed foot
- The scarf in a muddy puddle
- The extra free sofa delivered and allowed to keep
- Le creuset charity shop
- "It'll thicken up"
- The valiant brambly mice
- The soft pink velvet curtains which turn you into a 12 year old boy
- Pretending soms friends bought her £300 curtains (and presumably fitted and measured my living room to do so) as payment for a job
- The £20 shop
- The empty foil tins
- The mystery soap deliverer who scampered off into the night never to claim credit
- Pretended to lose her "SSRIs" in a skip
- Broke 47 out of the 26 bones in her foot (maybe she's been hoarding extras)
- Not drinking tea or coffee apart from when she does every day
- Feeding the homeless with melamine cutlery, Edinburgh (@Flivver)
Pile on of the year (sponsored by Henry Hoover*)
- THAT MAN
- David Walliams
- Stacey Dooley
- Paul Hollywood
Most nightmare inducing slop (sponsored by the people who make airline vomit bags*)
- Mackerel weetabix in a raw egg with noodles
- The 'sword in the stone' lasagne
- Mussels...and pears
- The faecal -ragu- bolognese with garlic
- SBs THRICE RECYCLED beetroot water boiled pasta & a raw flour cheese sauce. Yummy.
- The afterbirth oats
- Sausagne / cheesy fish lasagne
- The tomato soup that nearly killed our herr @MancBee (thanks @Emmapism !)
- Horridge with bacon and banana (@Vroo)
- Horse spunk lasagne (@pumpkincandle)
- Grated corned beef chilli (@traumatised sideboard im a huge fan of your jm dictionary fund, sure it will go viral soon)
Best chaos (presented by Dr Ian Malcolm*)
- Thanks very matt much matt
- Celery, Edinburgh, "dishoom is not a chain" & accidental tongue photo upload
- The wigs
- Frau for a day, Jack joins tattle (thanks squiffle)
- Thrifty shades of beige
- This morning Chicken lingreenie (chicken not included)
- The ouchy mouth saga
- Peeky mink and their unmasking
- Comic kitchen & the identity masking cartoon filters
- GQ article ("how to centre yourself in an article supposed to be about someone else" by Jack Monroe with cameo by kickyball star)
- The For Sale sign from hell (@kachoochoo a classic!)
- Aunt Helen (DKL)
Most outrageous waste of money (sponsored by apple*)
- The sentient mirror
- The smeg fridge
- The cotswalds
- The dyson fan
- Edinburgh
- The lion bar deliveries
- The hammock
- Strawberry thief curtains
Most useless/actively detrimental advice (sponsored by Captain obvious and the Southend fire department*)
- You can use a bag for putting things in.
- When cooking you can wash up as you go along.
- The only knife you will ever need is a bread knife
- Any herb will do
- Mince has different fat percentages becaaaaaause "it just does"
- Just microwave garlic, its not safe but your house will smell amazing as it burns down (@ChickenPorridge)
Best Selfie of the year (sponsored by facetune*)
- Setting a timer to take a photo of her taking a photo with her tongue
- Taking a photo pretending to be really excited with hands to face
- Somethings simmering...sideboard modelling shots
- Trying to look like a 10 year old boy
- Black eye
- Sexy time in bed with cat
- Taking 'writing process' photos instead of writing
Most Urgent Item on the To Do List (descriptions 1 to 4 by special guest presenter @kachoochoo)
1/.vegan crackling - the people have been waiting over a year for this masterpiece
2/.sideboard photos - something has been simmering since June. could it be the chicken thigh bone stock?
3/.rooting out Amazon from her website - people like companies that pay their taxes. Jack could set an example by not using them for the small commissions from affiliate links
4/. thrifty shades of beige - the people need the high quality postcards of comforting and delicious recipes that they have paid for
5/. £15 a week free school meals - of course jack could do better at planning them than local govt, she just doesn't want to. She's BUSY ok
Best imaginary friend/enemy (presented by Michael Caine* thanks to @blurstoftimes for this category)
-"Only good for burger flipping" teacher
-Old chief who likes girls in skirts at the fire station. Traazers? On a bird?!
-"White trash shouldn't breed" lady
-Train man who sat too close and got his shins kicked
-Old man who sidled up to her to say he loved her work
-Matt Tebbutt (the "cheeky duo best mate" version, not the very real and very done with JM version)
The Silver Poca Plate for honorary frau of the year:
- Jack's sentient mirror
- Cooper
- Nibbles & Loppy
- Marcus Rashford
- Vampire squiggle
- Brenda
- Matt of the forearms Tebbutt
*none of these sponsors are real. Viv, Marcus, Krish mate... if you're out there, donate just $15,000 a month to the fictional frauen patreon & im sure we might actually get Michael caine and Jeff goldblum next year.
Have taken tags out in my notes for next time so you hopefully wont get tagged every time i repost in future, but just the first time i add an idea by you to list.
Also just gonna do one update a day to avoid spam tomorrow and 30th then the final list on 1st
Probably! It would never have even been discussed without receipts, though, they must have been on here. Definitely happened, it was totally bonkers and pointless gaslighting. She used her typical narc tactic of pretending that people were gaslighting her by questioning her life experiences of having previously had two cats THEN!!
I applaud your work!Tonight's version of the awards nominations so far.
I wonder at what point we'll have put more work into the sloppies than Mackie has into GQ article football research and the poverty book?
If any of you did ever do a cover of a song written on here that would be amazing! Sadly i am a tuneless human
By 2025 the sloppies will be bigger than glasto at the rate we're starting to see of disillusionment among people online
Most entertainingly bizarre lie
- The black eye
- Pescatarian bodybuilder
- The severed foot
- The scarf in a muddy puddle
- The extra free sofa delivered and allowed to keep
- Le creuset charity shop
- "It'll thicken up"
- The valiant brambly mice
- The soft pink velvet curtains which turn you into a 12 year old boy
- Pretending soms friends bought her £300 curtains (and presumably fitted and measured my living room to do so) as payment for a job
- The £20 shop
- The empty foil tins
- The mystery soap deliverer who scampered off into the night never to claim credit
- Pretended to lose her "SSRIs" in a skip
- Broke 47 out of the 26 bones in her foot (maybe she's been hoarding extras)
- Not drinking tea or coffee apart from when she does every day
- Feeding the homeless with melamine cutlery, Edinburgh (@Flivver)
Pile on of the year (sponsored by Henry Hoover*)
- THAT MAN
- David Walliams
- Stacey Dooley
- Paul Hollywood
Most nightmare inducing slop (sponsored by the people who make airline vomit bags*)
- Mackerel weetabix in a raw egg with noodles
- The 'sword in the stone' lasagne
- Mussels...and pears
- The faecal -ragu- bolognese with garlic
- SBs THRICE RECYCLED beetroot water boiled pasta & a raw flour cheese sauce. Yummy.
- The afterbirth oats
- Sausagne / cheesy fish lasagne
- The tomato soup that nearly killed our herr @MancBee (thanks @Emmapism !)
- Horridge with bacon and banana (@Vroo)
- Horse spunk lasagne (@pumpkincandle)
- Grated corned beef chilli (@traumatised sideboard im a huge fan of your jm dictionary fund, sure it will go viral soon)
Best chaos (presented by Dr Ian Malcolm*)
- Thanks very matt much matt
- Celery, Edinburgh, "dishoom is not a chain" & accidental tongue photo upload
- The wigs
- Frau for a day, Jack joins tattle (thanks squiffle)
- Thrifty shades of beige
- This morning Chicken lingreenie (chicken not included)
- The ouchy mouth saga
- Peeky mink and their unmasking
- Comic kitchen & the identity masking cartoon filters
- GQ article ("how to centre yourself in an article supposed to be about someone else" by Jack Monroe with cameo by kickyball star)
- The For Sale sign from hell (@kachoochoo a classic!)
- Aunt Helen (DKL)
Most outrageous waste of money (sponsored by apple*)
- The sentient mirror
- The smeg fridge
- The cotswalds
- The dyson fan
- Edinburgh
- The lion bar deliveries
- The hammock
- Strawberry thief curtains
Most useless/actively detrimental advice (sponsored by Captain obvious and the Southend fire department*)
- You can use a bag for putting things in.
- When cooking you can wash up as you go along.
- The only knife you will ever need is a bread knife
- Any herb will do
- Mince has different fat percentages becaaaaaause "it just does"
- Just microwave garlic, its not safe but your house will smell amazing as it burns down (@ChickenPorridge)
Best Selfie of the year (sponsored by facetune*)
- Setting a timer to take a photo of her taking a photo with her tongue
- Taking a photo pretending to be really excited with hands to face
- Somethings simmering...sideboard modelling shots
- Trying to look like a 10 year old boy
- Black eye
- Sexy time in bed with cat
- Taking 'writing process' photos instead of writing
Most Urgent Item on the To Do List (descriptions 1 to 4 by special guest presenter @kachoochoo)
1/.vegan crackling - the people have been waiting over a year for this masterpiece
2/.sideboard photos - something has been simmering since June. could it be the chicken thigh bone stock?
3/.rooting out Amazon from her website - people like companies that pay their taxes. Jack could set an example by not using them for the small commissions from affiliate links
4/. thrifty shades of beige - the people need the high quality postcards of comforting and delicious recipes that they have paid for
5/. £15 a week free school meals - of course jack could do better at planning them than local govt, she just doesn't want to. She's BUSY ok
Best imaginary friend/enemy (presented by Michael Caine* thanks to @blurstoftimes for this category)
-"Only good for burger flipping" teacher
-Old chief who likes girls in skirts at the fire station. Traazers? On a bird?!
-"White trash shouldn't breed" lady
-Train man who sat too close and got his shins kicked
-Old man who sidled up to her to say he loved her work
-Matt Tebbutt (the "cheeky duo best mate" version, not the very real and very done with JM version)
The Silver Poca Plate for honorary frau of the year:
- Jack's sentient mirror
- Cooper
- Nibbles & Loppy
- Marcus Rashford
- Vampire squiggle
- Brenda
- Matt of the forearms Tebbutt
*none of these sponsors are real. Viv, Marcus, Krish mate... if you're out there, donate just $15,000 a month to the fictional frauen patreon & im sure we might actually get Michael caine and Jeff goldblum next year.
Have taken tags out in my notes for next time so you hopefully wont get tagged every time i repost in future, but just the first time i add an idea by you to list.
Also just gonna do one update a day to avoid spam tomorrow and 30th then the final list on 1st
Useless advice - red wine and port reduction is AF when it's not.
Mission in star 
She is going to get the right ump when she reads this! She’ll be marauding all over the bungalow. Another word nomination there
I did a Landslide one somewhere - not sure which thread.
Bone apple tea.Mission in star
Oooh thought of another useless piece of advice - a picture of a robot can replace an AA sponsor
How about a Burberry scarf with mud all over it.
The cat discussion is spread over two threads (35 and 36 for anyone who wants to read it):
Last edited:
Her confidence that her first attempt at kombucha could go mainstream and rival Scotch.
There's just SO MUCH tit 
hooting up all my internal organs reading through it all, and more just keeps coming because there is. so. much.
hooting up all my internal organs reading through it all, and more just keeps coming because there is. so. much.She reminds me of Chloe Sims from towie in that profile picture with the red lipstick, she's almost unrecognisable.
So vomit worthy when she ends things with her passive aggressive "I hope that's OK with you" on squiggles comments.... Just stop chatting bollocks and people won't have to call you up on your lies and exaggerations Jackie love.
This is late but back to the GQ thing. Marcus seemed like he didn't look at her much, as if he was disinterested. There was a really awkward moment following when Jack mentioned her poverty fairytale then went on a bit how she admires him for reducing stigma. He said something like that it's really important to him that no one should be ashamed. Jack suddenly looked very awkward and didn't know what to say in response (presumably because he didn't sufficiently acknowledge her personal poverty bollocks), and Marcus smoothed it over by saying "so what's next?", bringing it back to the cooking.
She generally asked terribly long questions that made it really difficult for Marcus to formulate an answer.
I suspect GQ thought the whole segment was a disaster, and had to edit the majority of it. This would explain why the video barely featured the interview, and instead used tons of disorientating footage filmed by kids, with silly music in the background, going for a charming amateur vibe. The professionally filmed bits of the cooking and interview that made the cut were chopped and changed and highly edited.
She generally asked terribly long questions that made it really difficult for Marcus to formulate an answer.
I suspect GQ thought the whole segment was a disaster, and had to edit the majority of it. This would explain why the video barely featured the interview, and instead used tons of disorientating footage filmed by kids, with silly music in the background, going for a charming amateur vibe. The professionally filmed bits of the cooking and interview that made the cut were chopped and changed and highly edited.
apols if this has already been addressed (I’m on a permaGrunk these days) but umm.... what about the bleeping nutribullet she uses for Every Sodding Meal?
I've been in talks with my close colleague Marti Pellow saw him on stage years ago to see about reforming Wet, Wet, Wet for the Wets category in the Sloppies Awards.
Nominations are:
Eye wets
Arse wets
Soaking wets after pishing yourself laughing.
ETA -cheap wet ham
Nominations are:
Eye wets
Arse wets
Soaking wets after pishing yourself laughing.
ETA -
Last edited:
- Status