Jack Monroe #109 Jack Monroe’s network bandwidth is low

[Silver Linings]

Someone with arthritis who acknowledges her joints are worse at this time of year hand writes all of this? I am fortunate enough to have no joint problems and if I hand write more than a shopping list my wrist hurts.

 

[HarderFaster]

Is it just me or is it deeply shady that she’s tweeting about how lacking journalism is while her live-in ex is head of a news channel which often does very good investigative programmes and they’re watching Victoria Derbyshire on IACGMOOH every night?

Like is this woman - who cannot resist inserting her personal and very minor tale of poverty into literally every article she writes - genuinely bemoaning lack of journalistic integrity when she knows at least two women working (ostensibly) pretty hard to remedy this?

I think Louisa must either have extremely low self esteem or very poor emotional intelligence for this constant low-key negging to be allowed.

Also what did the amazing Carole Cadwalladr do to hurt Jack was it when she won the Orwell prize and Jackie’s mediocre essays didn’t even make the shortlist?

 

[Boyo]

Hold up Pt.2. I thought she only had tea & coffee ‘v occasionally‘. Obviously apart from the v v strong coffee every morning, the coffee SB helps to whizz the milk for, and now this LITRE of tea?

 

[jenny2603]

I think I'm suffering from Jackout. Why is she such a relentless bellend?

What is the bloody point of lying about using a fucking GoHenry for everything? There are probably adult baby fetish people who spend less time trying to present as a child than she does. It's all so inconsistent one minute she's all "Cock off plebs I'm addressing a conference" and the next it's "wah I've got a bee in my hair and a stone in my shoe". Is the root of her Walliams hatred really rage at the "want bitty" character getting all up in her niche? She's such a snidely little clype "miss, miss Louisa left the hose out and a fox ate it and then I had to ask my daddy how to buy a hose because I am ickle". Honestly she wants the back of her legs slapping.

 

[Harrybosch]

View attachment 320911
Hold up Pt.2. I thought she only had tea & coffee ‘v occasionally‘. Obviously apart from the v v strong coffee every morning, the coffee SB helps to whizz the milk for, and now this LITRE of tea?

Standing ovation for Jack, who is finally doing what people are paying her for.

For any newcomers, Jack is offering different levels of Patreon tiers. People pay a monthly fee to receive postcards, etc. She is not doing anyone a favour by doing this. She is under a contractual obligation to do this.

This is the equivalent of you placing an order with an online retailer, said online retailer not fulfilling your oder, you then asking where your order is and the online retailer tweeting a picture to the world stating that they got up extra early to send all those lovely gifts out and expecting people to respond how kind and wonderful they are for doing that.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Emmapism]

US Patreon: oooh Jack's gone to the post office! Can't wait to finally get the exclusive rewards I've paid for! *Rubs hands together*

Jack: I DON'T WANT TO OVERWHELM THE COUNTER STAFF OKAY!

US Patreon: But you're self employed so you could go back anoth-

Jack: I SAID I DON'T WANT TO OVERWHELM THEM! I'M THE GOOD GUY HERE!

 

[Gentlemensrelish]

Internet animal people are so weird. The strongest reaction to a picture of an animal I've had on Twitter is to think 'cute (dog)'.* I've never tweeted the person to say I want to flooflewoofle its earsies and rumpleflump its scritchels. Christ.

*Honourable exception for baby pygmy hippos, I would rumpleflump the fuck out of a tiny hippo

**ETA and Nibbles, obvs.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

And the calculator thing, you'll notice she does this often. Pick one small example and kick up a fuss about it as an example of how ridiculous the criticism of her is. Oh I'm not allowed to have a calculator that I bought years ago for work. Well no, that wasn't the point. The point was all the fancy shit you just showed us on your desk a few days ago while us plebs are using a pound shop calculator wondering where we've gone wrong. Wondering why a "best selling author" with thousands of pounds worth of Apple goods sitting on the desk can't afford a block of butter or a fresh pear. Oh but she MUST be skint because look, her TV is second hand and is just propped up against the wall.

ETA cue all the nodding dogs nodding along and asking for Patreon links so they can help a struggling writer get her dented TV mounted to the wall. No mention of the other TV she was wanging on about buying over the summer, the one that didn't get stolen from her porch.

 

[FrumpyCat]

So many of the scenes just write themselves

Jack trudging through the rain, clutching son's hand, as she goes from shop to shop to ask for work, each time being dismissed with a wordless shaking of the head.

Jack sadly unscrewing light bulbs and unplugging the fridge, as sb, dressed in faded, too small clothing lisps 'bwead an jam mama wan bwead an jam'

Jack laboriously typing out her hunger hurts on her trusty Nokia.

Jack being discovered and making her first trip to London. Looking round wide eyed in amazement - 'Lunnon, ain't never been to Lunnon before!, couldn't never afford it. Lummee! It's so big and noisy!

Jack being taken out to eat by her publisher, hilarity ensues when she plays knees up mother brown on the posh piano.

 

[Oofadoofa]

The thing which irritates me most is her £20 to feed herself, SB and the marathon cycling BB.

Ignoring the fact that BB (who sounds as damaged as Jack by her association) is able to buy her self lunch or is fed at work.
That BB is clearly contributing financially in some way and also buying food...by Jack’s own admission.
SB spends a minimum of two evenings a week elsewhere.

£20 a week my arse. Lying manipulative cow.

Yea just listen to what she is saying, it's completely bonkers that anyone would believe it even for a second.- That her and her tv exec girlfriend, that's a national tv presenter/author and a tv exec who is on AT LEAST 200-250 000 pounds a year, to clarify that's 7-8 time the average uk salary plus whatever a national tv presenter, author and patreon twat can earn, she's saying that they can't stretch to a tub of fucking butter. It's sick, really, she has an illness.

 

[FrumpyCat]

I am alittle maverick but I have a system to help me budget. Shall I share it children.

It's called going to the cash machine and lifting ££ of my budget from it at the supermarket ( as many of them now have this service) and taking it safely deposited in my purse into the shop getting a handheld scanner and shopping to that budget. Paying over the cash at till and leaving the shop.

Sorry, it's probably so out there I may need to spoiler this post.

I've got super top secret tip.

When I go to a supermarket I take some bags, just in case I decide to buy some stuff. And, this is the good bit, I put the stuff I have bought in the bags. Hashtag game changer.

 

[Satisfying Click]

She's making her way down the comments on brave squiggle's thread. She hasn't got to this one yet

 

[Minky McMoneypenny]

Replied to go henry

 

[HarderFaster]

Can she not see that the £20 shop becomes completely meaningless and totally farcical when you have well over a hundred pounds worth of food and an enormous spice collection sat in your cupboards, fridges and freezers already to dip into as and when? How can she be so thick as to not understand people's problem with its validity?

She’s not being thick, she’s being deliberately obtuse. She’s a garden variety gaslighter. She knows if the £20 shop is genuinely taken up it’ll be exposed and her (body of) work will be scrutinised much more than it is for the moment. If she can brush off detractors and make it seem like they’re right wing trolls just picking at a carcass for scraps she has a chance of getting away with her bullshit for a bit longer.

She does strike me as someone who is rattled lately, and I must say the schadenfreude tingles pleasantly.

 

[JoyceDivision]

Oh squiggle, let us count the ways...

 

[Professor Slop]

I thought I'd highlight how awfully Cack's kickstarter was handled by telling you all about the lovely experience I've just had supporting one.

It was a kickstarter to fund an extra novella an author I read wanted to publish. He's currently in the middle of a series of books with 900+ pages each and wanted a little side story to come out in between novels, set in the same world.
Process:

• I pledged $10 a few months ago, maybe July/August, and the reward for that was listed as an ebook copy of the finished novella.
• I've had update emails on progress every couple of weeks since then where it was clear things were moving forward.
• Over the weekend I got an email with a link for my finished product.
• As well as a fully professionally edited and produced novella (259 pages) in three different formats, I received:
  • The first draft of the book in a word file, followed by four more draft versions chronicalling the books creation. These include tracked changes between drafts.
  • Revision notes detailing reasons why changes and rearranges were made.
  • Beta reader responses to show you how they are used in editing.

Overall I am massively happy with what I got - not only a book by an author I enjoy, but an insight into how the novel-writing and editing process goes. If only Cackie's could have been like this... think how different things might be!

 

[Veronicaaa]

View attachment 321107
looks exactly the same as everything else she makes.

Hot nurse? Wet nurse more like AMIRITE?!

 

[Nottonightbabe]

So many people wanna know who BB is today

Can only mean more new coven members...

 

[schmetterling]

I thought I was a professional snarker but you Fraus have made me realise I am merely an aspirational amateur. These are the big leagues. You are all so fucking funny and so FAST!

I must grunka. But this thread is consistently stupendous.