Penetrating wounds are not as easy to do with a load of makeup..
* Caught in a pension day stampede at the Post Office.
* BB being 'taught' how to cook and accidentally holding her face down in Dhal/Curry
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Jack Monroe #102 Stop getting Bond wrong!
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* BB being 'taught' how to cook and accidentally holding her face down in Dhal/Curry
New thread so can’t quote but dearheart Frau @Charitas has suggested ‘looking up a proper recipe’ for buerre blanc and therefore missed the idea that when we non squiggles cook one of Jack’s recipes it is not because we want a proper version; it’s because we are intrigued about whether her abomination of one could possibly work.
I'm going to add some more injuries. Jack this will guarantee years of legit skiving, just make sure you get a lady Dr's note.
Overdosing on slop
Choking on slop
The squits post slop
Skidding on slop banana peel style
Being smothered by a floof
Being mauled by red redwall brambly mice
Falling cotswold furniture
Sentient Mirror cracks = ouchy feet
Rusty saw slips
For Sale sign falls on her head
Succumbing to anchoyardey farty fumes
Cutlery drawer contents magically assemble into a cutlery zombie
Poisoning by manky fingernails
Drowning in the skip
Mediterranean arse becomes 3 buttocks
Garrotting by reverse rat tail
Lip filler lurgy
Ouchy mouth becomes ouchy everything
Run over by a tank
Run over by Buddle's bike
Assassination by 007 ("that man") with a licence to kill slop mongerers
There you are Jack all your future skives are sorted
Overdosing on slop
Choking on slop
The squits post slop
Skidding on slop banana peel style
Being smothered by a floof
Being mauled by red redwall brambly mice
Falling cotswold furniture
Sentient Mirror cracks = ouchy feet
Rusty saw slips
For Sale sign falls on her head
Succumbing to anchoyardey farty fumes
Cutlery drawer contents magically assemble into a cutlery zombie
Poisoning by manky fingernails
Drowning in the skip
Mediterranean arse becomes 3 buttocks
Garrotting by reverse rat tail
Lip filler lurgy
Ouchy mouth becomes ouchy everything
Run over by a tank
Run over by Buddle's bike
Assassination by 007 ("that man") with a licence to kill slop mongerers
There you are Jack all your future skives are sorted
Yes, it owes more to a new experimental branch of scientific research than the culinary arts.
Too late for last thread, but for frauen (and herren) who remember the sideboard shots here is classic Tank Girl engaged in shin ass kicking.
Scrolling back through yesterday’s twitter fest and she claims her nearest walk in is 18 miles/3 trains/90 minutes away.
Is this another “extension of the truth”? Surely in an area like Southend, there are buses that are more frequent?
In related news, she was tweeting until 1 or 2am as far as I can tell so either the splinter has healed enough for her to type or got worse and she was up with a fever.
Is this another “extension of the truth”? Surely in an area like Southend, there are buses that are more frequent?
In related news, she was tweeting until 1 or 2am as far as I can tell so either the splinter has healed enough for her to type or got worse and she was up with a fever.
Her rudeness to Environmental Squiggle had me raging during my early morning grunka. ES makes a fair point which has NOTHING to do with driving. Most people need to drive, to get to work or get food or whatever (for example, I live in a rural area with a woefully unreliable bus that goes out to one town in the morning and back in the afternoon and is never on time, so to get to work for certain, I drive) but it's all about minimising your impact and cutting down on what you can cut down on. No one is going to have zero impact, that's not possible. But there are things everybody can do. Just because you don't do one thing (drive) doesn't mean you have a free pass to do whatever you want. I don't know much about asparagus food miles tbh. And I'm not hating on people who choose to eat out of season
ES is clearly more educated on it all than I am. But - it's like turning your thermostat up as high as it can go and leaving all your windows open, or chucking your litter into the hedgerows - but it's okay, because you don't drive 
She always has to make it personal too. 'You're saying something that criticises me, so I'm going to sulk and try and guilt trip you so that you feel bad about it. I'm also going to do that publicly in the hope that some of my sycophantic army might pile on you.'
No Jack, no. If you don't like it, ignore it. You don't need to be so rude. You don't need to turn it back onto whoever said it when they genuinely meant no harm and wreck their day.
Do you think when she talks about trolls, she means anyone like this who dares not to fully absorb themselves into the jackolyte frame of mind? I really feel for this squiggle.
Blown up by an ACME rocket which was aimed at a roadrunner
I feel that in all the hilarity (seriously, thank you Frauen! A good start to my week!) we have overlooked the fact that she claimed to shop "seasonally, locally and mindfully". I can't get over this. She DOES realise that going to her nearest Asda does not equal ~shopping locally~ doesn't she???
I’d have been thrilled to be a squiggle here as I don’t drive and would have gleefully said so, and that I don’t have children either. Not sure what she would have come back with then. ‘Oh but do you plug your kettle in?’
Her rudeness to Environmental Squiggle had me raging during my early morning grunka. ES makes a fair point which has NOTHING to do with driving. Most people need to drive, to get to work or get food or whatever (for example, I live in a rural area with a woefully unreliable bus that goes out to one town in the morning and back in the afternoon and is never on time, so to get to work for certain, I drive) but it's all about minimising your impact and cutting down on what you can cut down on. No one is going to have zero impact, that's not possible. But there are things everybody can do. Just because you don't do one thing (drive) doesn't mean you have a free pass to do whatever you want. I don't know much about asparagus food miles tbh. And I'm not hating on people who choose to eat out of season
She always has to make it personal too. 'You're saying something that criticises me, so I'm going to sulk and try and guilt trip you so that you feel bad about it. I'm also going to do that publicly in the hope that some of my sycophantic army might pile on you.'
No Jack, no. If you don't like it, ignore it. You don't need to be so rude. You don't need to turn it back onto whoever said it when they genuinely meant no harm and wreck their day.
Do you think when she talks about trolls, she means anyone like this who dares not to fully absorb themselves into the jackolyte frame of mind? I really feel for this squiggle.
Nice to see some separate elements on the plate, and tbf this recipe seems OK, but god the photo's awfully pixelated. She's credited it to a photographer called Susan Bell, whose other photography looks great quality, so one can only assume it's Jack's doing. I reckon that while adding on the text, she saved it as a much lower quality file. The photographer must have cringed when she saw it.
How she overlooks something so important is beyond me. She's been doing this for years now and her output is still more amateur than a food tech student's.
I dunno, I had a quick look at the recipe and she's putting uncooked greens into the batter and then frying for 2 minutes on each side. Wouldn't the greens be completely raw and crunchy?
You could try the recipe and find out!
Catching up but why bother deleting her history when Google sell her data as do Samsung? She likely has Siri enabled & has smart home devices... She is the most boomer 30 something going.
Well she’s double booked herself, shopping with buddle, can’t oissibly do both, not with Dino naps to fit in
Are giant grapes in season in the south of England in November? Asking for a friend.
I was so excited to see 12 pages to catch up on...I thought she must have posted that exciting blog post she was writing the other day, surely? No. Just more of her splinter.
Why does she always have broken glass on the floor? BB's lessons won't cover basic kitchen hygiene, I guess.
I was so excited to see 12 pages to catch up on...I thought she must have posted that exciting blog post she was writing the other day, surely? No. Just more of her splinter.
Why does she always have broken glass on the floor? BB's lessons won't cover basic kitchen hygiene, I guess.
Yes according to her she hasn’t shopped anywhere but Asda (if not much longer) for five weeks. Unless...she’s lying
She has a Sentient Mirror FGS - there's no hiding!
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